After a two year hiatus I have returned to school. I’m on the 20 year plan to my bachelor’s degree. Yet somehow I’m going backwards. Yes, I got my Associates degree six years ago, but I still find myself at the community college. The U of I Business College wants my GPA to be a little bit higher. [Never mind the fact that I started business classes there back in 1999; only to drop them three weeks later when I was sick with my twin pregnancy. Or the fact that I technically have Senior status because of the number of credit hours I have. But the U of I doesn't care. They want a higher GPA.] So I’m retaking two classes I got a C- in at the community college; Accounting Principles II (which I really need to pay attention to considering I work at MCI…can you say biggest bankruptcy ever??) and Finite Math. I know what your thinking. I’m a hip happening girl. Nothing says excitement like Accounting and Math.

So after two years of no school and having just celebrated my thirtieth birthday (notice how I write that out rather then putting those two big ol’ numbers up?), going back to school is a little different. I don’t know why, but I had butterflies in my stomach. I actually understand what people mean when they say they are “too old” for college and feel “out of place.” It was a weird feeling because in my previous twelve years of college I’ve never had that feeling about school. It brought me back to my speech class…all three I took it (dropped it the first two attempts because I was terrified). I was nervous as hell, but doing my damndest to ignore that feeling. Because although, I had a small panic attack about being thirty and still trying to reach that Bachelor’s degree I should have received when I was 22 (take that as an important lesson all of you youngins), I am not giving up. I am not too old for school. And I do fit in. I will not be discouraged.

So I’m sitting in my Finite Math class tonight and the teacher says, “There is a pre-requisite of Algebra I. Is there anybody that hasn’t taken Algebra I?” Nobody raised their hand. Then he continues on with “Has it been a long time since you’ve had Algebra I?” And there went my hand. But I was not alone. There were quite a few hands. At least five [and that's quite a few?? Good thing I'm in a math class]. Luckily we will spend the first and possibly second class period revisiting our good friend Algebra. As a teaser tonight we went over a couple of Algebra problems. The first one nearly stopped my heart:

2(3r²+4r+2)-3(-r²+4r-5)

What the hell is that? Apparently you use the FOIL method or something. I vaguely remember talking about FOIL in math class. If I remember correctly it stands for first, outside, inside, last, but I really don’t remember that well. And quite frankly, do I care? Cause I gotta tell you, I have worked in the business world for ten years and never once have I ever used the FOIL method nor have I ever had a conversation with a co-worker about it. Phooey on this algebra crap.

I had no idea what to do with that problem. But then our teacher went on to work through the problem with us and it all came back to me. It’s like riding a bike, I guess. So I think I’ll do fine with it. I’m striving for an A, so wish me luck.

In one final note, I’d like to give a shout out the girl who sat in front of me in class tonight. Next Tuesday, please, I’m begging you, please wear shorts that cover your butt cheeks and don’t have a hole right in the anus area. I don’t need to see your underwear. I will just take your word for it that your wearin’ em. Thank You!