Well she did it. Britney Marries Kevin in Stealth Wedding. And I know you didn’t think I was just going to let this go by with no comment from me.

I heard Britney’s new song on the radio just last week. She redid Bobby Brown’s It’s My Prerogative. You know…Everybody’s talking all this stuff about me. Why don’t they just let me live. I don’t need commission. Make my own decisions. That’s my prerogative. Cause you know she’s gonna do what she’s gonna do. So enough with the song lyrics…and on to my critique.

Let’s recap Britney’s year…

In January, Britney married an old friend from “back home,” Jason Alexander (no, not the one from Seinfeld, although that would have been even more interesting…but does Britney really need more interesting?!?). Fifty-five hours (yes…just a mere 55 hours) later that marriage was annulled. And yes folks, that happened in January 2004. Just 8 months ago.

So then in late April, Britney announced her relationship with Kevin Federline. That’s all good and dandy except Kevin came with some baggage. And by baggage I mean he had a baby’s momma. And not just a baby’s momma, but a baby’s momma pregnant with baby number two. After a three year relationship and fathering two children (well one and a half children), he just dumped his girlfriend, Shar Jackson for Britney and her $130 million fortune. Fame and money sure change a man’s feelings for a girl.

And according to Shar Jackson in her interview with US Weekly, “He called me and said he didn’t want me to read about it somewhere before he told me. We haven’t broken up ? yet.” So Britney really got herself a winner. I know when I was single, an attached man with children was a winner in my book. Especially one that was willing to dump his six month pregnant girlfriend for me. I would just consider that a little badge of honor.

Just when we thought Britney was completely insane (or maybe on some serious drugs) she announces her engagement to Mr. Federline in late-June. Yes people, that’s just two months after their relationship began. And Shar Jackson still had not given birth to their second child. And the kicker was, Britney didn’t want a prenuptial agreement. Come on. Why don’t you just give him $65 million dollars right now and save us all from the “oops…she did it again” jokes on late night television? But thankfully somebody convinced Britney to at least use one of those dumb blonde brain cells and go through with the prenup.

That brings us to this past weekend. Britney and Kevin were married in a secret wedding at Kevin’s tailor’s home. Yes, your heard me. They were married at his tailor’s home. And the best part is…after the ceremony the bride and groom provided the wedding party with sweatsuits. The girls got pink ones and the guys got white ones. White ones that said “pimps” on the back of them. Nothing says classy, romantic wedding like having your wedding party walk around announcing their job title. Did the pink suits say “hooker” on the back of theirs? Are the Federline’s starting their own escort business?

I’ve got a news flash for your Britney. People are talking about you because you’re crazy. And it’s not so much that you are a naive young girl who just grew up to fast in a music world meant for grown ups. If you were just a naive girl, mistakes you make would still make the news, but people would feel sorry for you. But that’s not the case for you. You like the publicity. And you can’t have it both ways. You can’t have people leaving you along and then flaunt your crazy all over the place. You shove your crazy down our throats. You are flashing your new boyfriend/lover/husband/whatever all over the news. You are doing interviews to announce your relationship/engagement/wedding. You do photo ops to show off your new found family and talk about what a good step-mommy you will be. [While I'm on that note...why are Shar Jackson and Kevin Federline letting their children get dragged in to Britney's flamboyant world? Why are they letting Britney exploit their children? Wake up people. Be a parent. Life is not all about millions of dollars and fame.]

If it’s really your prerogative and you really want people to leave you along, then tell them. Tell them no comment. Don’t do photo shoots with your step-children. Don’t turn your life into an opportunity to promote your new song. Are you now scouring the old archives to find songs to remake about love gone wrong and divorce? Cause I hate to say it, but I think your gonna need it.

Maybe we can start calling you Ross. You know from Friends. He was the divorce guy and you can be the divorce girl. Maybe you can speed the process along quickly and get a few more marriages and annulments in. You can set the world record for most marriages in one year. I’ll have to research that and see what the record is.

Well I’m tired and all the good joke about Britney and Kevin have already been done. So I’m off to bed. Good luck Britney and Kevin. I really do hope things work out for you. But the odds are against you. If you are in love then do what you want to do. It’s your prerogative.