Old Friends
May 30, 2005 A day in our life
An odd thing happened today. I was sitting in the car with the little kids waiting for Lee and Keaton to emerge from Quik Trip with sodas and chips for our picnic, when a weird stranger perched himself in front the drivers side window of my van. I thought, “Who is this freak? Should I search for mace? Scream like a school girl? Spit in his face?”
As I was thinking about my attack, the stranger said, “Hey stranger.” Me, stranger? No, you stranger.
But then I realized. I know this fellow.
Standing before me was the man who introduced Lee and I twelve years ago. He moved to Arizona about 10 years ago and we haven’t seen him since. We talked to him on the phone a few times, but even those conversations have been far and few between. We haven’t heard from him in many years at this point. And here he was at Quik Trip.
Quik Trip is an odd little place. They advertise themselves as just a gas station and convience store, but they are really so much more. Lee and I run in to so many people at Quik Trip. It’s like a meeting place. A reunion of sorts. Do they have ads on television? Cause if they don’t, they need to. They could play one of those slow love songs in the background with shots of old friends meeting up. Long lost lovers. Mothers and daughters. Tears would flow from our eyes. It would be a Quik Trip miracle.
Or maybe not.
Memorial Day
May 30, 2005 In the holiday spirit
Today is not just a day off of work. It’s Memorial Day. And since we are in war (even though Bush says the war is over) this holiday is even more meaningful this year [and last year]. Keeping with my blogging tradition, I have included some Memorial Day links for your viewing pleasure.
Being Involved
May 29, 2005 Raising Rugrats
I hate to harp on things, but it’s my blog and I’ll harp if I want to. Recently, Lee had some conversations with Justis about his latest report card and failing grades. And I sent emails to Justis’ teachers to find out what we can do to get Justis caught up and on track. I got it worked out for Justis to stay after school last Tuesday. Lee called Nicci on Monday to make sure she could pick him up after homework club so he could make up his work. And Lee said, “Why is that I have to do all of this from down here?” And Nicci said, “Yeah, I’d like to know that too. But they never tell me anything.” Well hello. They tell me stuff because I ask. We know stuff because we actually open our mail and review Justis’ report card. And when we see failing grades I email his teachers to find out why. This got me thinking [again] about Nicci telling Lee that we “treated [Justis] like a child” when he lived with us. I don’t consider it treating him like a child. I consider it being involved in his life. Staying on top of things and helping him through the rough patches. I wish she would do more of that and less of not treating him like a child.
Have you read The Educated Child by William J Bennett? It’s an interesting book that talks about how parents can work with schools and teachers to make sure their kids are getting the best education they can. It also gives some ideas about what kids should be learning at each grade. I don’t live by the book word for word, but Mr. Bennett does bring up some very important points. I got this book about two years ago and I still consult it periodically.
According to The Educated Child, “you are always your child’s most influential teacher…The more involved you are, the better your child’s chances of getting a good education…If you turn over your most important responsibilites to others, you may doom his school career. That amounts to educational abandonment, a pernicious form of child neglect. You need to be in charge of your child’s education.”
Teachers teach math, reading, science, etc, but even a good teacher can’t be everything to your child. You, as the parent, need to support your child too. There are several crictical factors that only a parent can provide a child. Factors that are good predictors of a child’s educational success.
The first one is love and “unconditional devotion (not unconditional approval).” Do you tell your kids you love them? Often? Every day? Do you tell them even when they’ve done something that makes you less than happy? Besides telling your kids you love them, do you show them you love them? A happy face on their sandwich. A little heart in their school agenda. But most importantly, giving them your time. If you never have time for your child then how is he supposed to know he’s important?
Another factor is your attitude about education. If your child knows education is important to you then it will be important to him. “If he sees that you value learning he will probably do the same. If he observes you putting education second or third, he may not take his schoolwork seriously.” Lee and I have talked about this many, many times. How is Justis supposed to know how important school is when Nicci doesn’t make it a priority. He has failing grades, but instead of being grounded to his room he spending the night at friends houses. Instead of staying after school to make up work he’s playing games on the computer. When Keaton’s report cards come we look at them together and talk about them. Same with his test results; ITBS and ALT tests. And I am rarely suprised by Keaton’s report card. (1) Because he’s a great student and (2) because I stay involved throughout the school year. I talk to his teacher; attend conferences and keep in contact via email. Keaton’s teachers have never been afraid to email me when they have a problem with Keaton or if they just want to tell me something great about him. Keaton understands the importance of school [and college] and so will Skyler, Spencer and Caleb. Lee and I are far from perfect, but we are trying our best to instill the value of a good education in all of our kids.
There are many other expectations children should understand and live by. Mr. Bennett states these ideals as; “(1) Belief in the value of hard work. (2) A strong sense of responsibility. (3) A willingness to keep trying until success finally comes. (4) Respect for legitimate authority.” Children want to please their parents. And it’s our obligation, as parents, to set fair and reasonable goals for our children to strive for and achieve. Setting standards for children is not placing a burden on them. It is an expression of love and confidence.
Know your child, everything about your child, including what he’s doing, where he is, who his friends are, what books he reads, what movies he sees. Keep track of schoolwork; what he is learning, whether he’s finishing his assignments, if he’s prepared for that upcoming test. The parents of good students keep an eye on what the school teaches. You don’t have to stalk him, but you must at least know him. You know what your spouse’s hobbies are and who his friends are. Why wouldn’t you do the same for your child? They are only under your wing for 18 years. They begin those 18 years relying on you for everything. As they get older they need you less and less. But there will never be a time [even when they've moved out, married and had children of their own] that they don’t need you. You will gradually give your child the independence he needs, but you must always stay involved. If he thinks your “treating him like a child,” well, that’s just too bad.
How Would Your Life Change?
May 27, 2005 A day in our life
I get the Absolute Write weekly newsletter. It’s a newsletter about freelance writing. And Jenna (the author) includes writing prompts in her newsletter. This weeks writing prompt is…
You suddenly have more money than you could ever spend in a lifetime. How will your lifestyle change, and what will stay the same?
I’m kind of a daydreamer. My life tends to get kind of crazy and I am always on the go. I am one of those people who always procrastinates. I wrote my term papers the night before they were due. Last term I had a guided self study Accounting II class. All assignments for the first half of the course were due by the midterm and all of the assignments for the second half of the course were due by the final. So guess when I completed the assignments. Yep, frantically the night before the midterm and the final. I work better under pressure.
So between work and school and laundry and attending the kids’ baseball games and school performances and fifth grade picnics and field and track and whatever else, sometimes it’s nice to just escape. In my house there isn’t really a quiet room so my escape is in my car from home (or preschool) to work and back. Or after the kids are in bed at my computer, writing, reading blogs or designing websites. Or in bed with all the lights out and only my thoughts.
So this writing prompt was very interesting to me. How would my life change if I had all the money I would ever need. Well first of all, I would quit my job. In a heartbeat. I’d give a two week notice though. I don’t want to be a heartless bitch afterall.
I would also spend more time with the kids and at their schools. I would help in the IMC (library), going on the field trips, assisting the teachers, planning the special events, whatever they needed me for. I wouldn’t miss a single soccer, basketball, baseball, whatever game. I would check the kids’ school bags every single night. I would help more with homework. I would read bedtime stories every single night. I would spend more time at the park or at Chuck E Cheese or the Playstation and Planet X.
See, I work because I have to, not because I want to. It wasn’t always like that. I started out with the best of intentions. I went to college to be either a genetic engineer or a geriatrian. But then my plans changed and I dropped out. It wasn’t until I dropped out of school that I got my very first job. At Wendy’s. Working at Wendy’s was the kick in the pants I needed to go back to school. I made $4.75 an hour. I thought I was so cool because I made $.10 more then minimum wage. Woo hoo. I was rolling in the dough. However, that dough wasn’t paying the bills.
And then Keaton entered my world and I knew minimum wage would never again cut it. So I went back to school. Only at Kirkwood this time. Since I had a baby to care for I went to school full-time and worked part-time. But that still wasn’t paying the bills to I switched to part-time school and full-time work. I was working as an admin at a brokerage firm and I seemed to be good at it. Both of my parents work with computer so I guess I just couldn’t stay away from these machines. It’s in my blood. So I decided to change my major to Business Administration. I was already doing it so it just made sense to get my degree in it.
In the beginning, I had these plans to be this great female executive and show my kids how a woman really can do it all. Work and family and all. I thought I would be such a great role model as they watched me go to work every day and loving every minute of it. Teaching them the lesson that hard work really does pay off. But what I didn’t understand back them was that hard work doesn’t mean working behind a desk sixty hours a week. And you don’t have to have a full time job, making lots of money to be a good role model.
As I get older my definition of success has changed. I don’t want to be an executive. I am thrilled that many women are climbing the corporate ladder. We have more female business owners now then ever before. And I think that’s fantastic. But I don’t want that for me. I don’t think I ever really wanted that. I just wanted to be rich and able to buy whatever I wanted. Living in a big house. Driving an expensive car. But as time goes on you start to realize that it’s not all about money. It’s actually not about money at all. It’s about family and love and sharing and warm hugs and sloppy kisses. And I’d rather be doing something creative; writing or drawing or websites. Something I was passionate about. Something that would allow me more time with my family.
I don’t have all of the money in the world. However, I do have just enough to be happy. Not deliriously happy, but happy. I have enough to take care of my family the best I can. I have enough to provide for them and give them a safe home. I have enough to put three plus meals on the table every day. I have enough to have fun with my family. Not DisneyWorld fun, but park and bike riding and kite flying fun. God gives us enough to get by. It’s up to us to make the best of it. We have to make the most of what we have.
