I hate to harp on things, but it’s my blog and I’ll harp if I want to. Recently, Lee had some conversations with Justis about his latest report card and failing grades. And I sent emails to Justis’ teachers to find out what we can do to get Justis caught up and on track. I got it worked out for Justis to stay after school last Tuesday. Lee called Nicci on Monday to make sure she could pick him up after homework club so he could make up his work. And Lee said, “Why is that I have to do all of this from down here?” And Nicci said, “Yeah, I’d like to know that too. But they never tell me anything.” Well hello. They tell me stuff because I ask. We know stuff because we actually open our mail and review Justis’ report card. And when we see failing grades I email his teachers to find out why. This got me thinking [again] about Nicci telling Lee that we “treated [Justis] like a child” when he lived with us. I don’t consider it treating him like a child. I consider it being involved in his life. Staying on top of things and helping him through the rough patches. I wish she would do more of that and less of not treating him like a child.
Have you read The Educated Child by William J Bennett? It’s an interesting book that talks about how parents can work with schools and teachers to make sure their kids are getting the best education they can. It also gives some ideas about what kids should be learning at each grade. I don’t live by the book word for word, but Mr. Bennett does bring up some very important points. I got this book about two years ago and I still consult it periodically.
According to The Educated Child, “you are always your child’s most influential teacher…The more involved you are, the better your child’s chances of getting a good education…If you turn over your most important responsibilites to others, you may doom his school career. That amounts to educational abandonment, a pernicious form of child neglect. You need to be in charge of your child’s education.”
Teachers teach math, reading, science, etc, but even a good teacher can’t be everything to your child. You, as the parent, need to support your child too. There are several crictical factors that only a parent can provide a child. Factors that are good predictors of a child’s educational success.
The first one is love and “unconditional devotion (not unconditional approval).” Do you tell your kids you love them? Often? Every day? Do you tell them even when they’ve done something that makes you less than happy? Besides telling your kids you love them, do you show them you love them? A happy face on their sandwich. A little heart in their school agenda. But most importantly, giving them your time. If you never have time for your child then how is he supposed to know he’s important?
Another factor is your attitude about education. If your child knows education is important to you then it will be important to him. “If he sees that you value learning he will probably do the same. If he observes you putting education second or third, he may not take his schoolwork seriously.” Lee and I have talked about this many, many times. How is Justis supposed to know how important school is when Nicci doesn’t make it a priority. He has failing grades, but instead of being grounded to his room he spending the night at friends houses. Instead of staying after school to make up work he’s playing games on the computer. When Keaton’s report cards come we look at them together and talk about them. Same with his test results; ITBS and ALT tests. And I am rarely suprised by Keaton’s report card. (1) Because he’s a great student and (2) because I stay involved throughout the school year. I talk to his teacher; attend conferences and keep in contact via email. Keaton’s teachers have never been afraid to email me when they have a problem with Keaton or if they just want to tell me something great about him. Keaton understands the importance of school [and college] and so will Skyler, Spencer and Caleb. Lee and I are far from perfect, but we are trying our best to instill the value of a good education in all of our kids.
There are many other expectations children should understand and live by. Mr. Bennett states these ideals as; “(1) Belief in the value of hard work. (2) A strong sense of responsibility. (3) A willingness to keep trying until success finally comes. (4) Respect for legitimate authority.” Children want to please their parents. And it’s our obligation, as parents, to set fair and reasonable goals for our children to strive for and achieve. Setting standards for children is not placing a burden on them. It is an expression of love and confidence.
Know your child, everything about your child, including what he’s doing, where he is, who his friends are, what books he reads, what movies he sees. Keep track of schoolwork; what he is learning, whether he’s finishing his assignments, if he’s prepared for that upcoming test. The parents of good students keep an eye on what the school teaches. You don’t have to stalk him, but you must at least know him. You know what your spouse’s hobbies are and who his friends are. Why wouldn’t you do the same for your child? They are only under your wing for 18 years. They begin those 18 years relying on you for everything. As they get older they need you less and less. But there will never be a time [even when they've moved out, married and had children of their own] that they don’t need you. You will gradually give your child the independence he needs, but you must always stay involved. If he thinks your “treating him like a child,” well, that’s just too bad.
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