The Bean Blog

Old Boyfriends

Sep 23, 2005 Misty watercolor memories

The other day I was reading a newsletter and it asked me to list my ten best days. So I was thinking about them in my head. Of course, the day I met Lee, the day I got married, the day we renewed our vows, the day that each of our children was born and the day that Justis decided to live with us were all ranked pretty high. But I was also thinking about the day I graduated from high school.

At the time I thought it was such a great day because my ex-boyfriend showed up. My ex-boyfriend who dumped me just a week before prom. No, actually he didn’t even break up with me. He just started to ignore me. He wouldn’t answer my phone calls and he’d have his aunt and his mom say he wasn’t home. It finally got to the point where I went up to the YMCA by my house where my friend Jody worked. I had Jody (a guy) call the boyfriend. When the boyfriend got on the phone, Jody said “hold on a second” and handed me the phone. So I made him break up with me on the phone. Cause, damnit. I need to hear it. Be a man.

I was devasted when he broke up with me. I thought I was [insert dreamy music] in love. So when he stopped by my house just a few days before graduation I thought that God had answered my prayers. And then when he showed up at my graduation, I cried. I actually cried. Can you believe it? Me, who never cries [at least not in public] cried because of a boy. Oh, it makes me want to vomit now.

So that got me to thinking about all my old flames. Well not ALL of them. But the main ones. I’ve really only had three boyfriends in my life. Well maybe four. Let’s just call it three and a half. I mean, I’ve dated many boys, but I was really only serious about three and a half of them.

The first one was this guy, Bob. I was fifteen and Bob was ninteen. I don’t really remember ever thinking of it as dating an older man. It was just Bob. And if you knew Bob you know exactly why it never dawned on me that he was an older man. Cause he was still so much a boy.

So anyway, Bob and I met at his house. He lived across the street from my friend, Rachel. And one night [while his parents were away] him and his little brother [Jim, who was a year ahead of me in school] decided to have a party. So somebody [it might of even been Bob] came over to Rachel’s house and told us that they were having a party and if we wanted to come over, feel free. I guess I should say we were sitting outside in the front yard of Rachel’s house. So it’s not like they rang the doorbell to invite us or anything. And, honestly, I think the only reason he did was because he was trying to get some of the neighbors on his side in case things got out of hand later.

So being little sophomores, Rachel and I decided a party…with alcohol…would be a lot of fun. So we went over for a while. And then when it was curfew time [somewhere around 10pm...we were sophomores afterall] we went home. But we had a plan to sneak out later and go back.

So later that night I snuck out the back patio door. I was such a rebel. I think I was a mixture of terrified, arrogant and a little bit bad. I had never snuck out before. I had said “I’m spending the night at Rachel’s.” While Rachel said “I’m spending the night at Christine’s.” But I’d never snuck out.

Rachel and I went back over to Bob and Jim’s party. Some time in the night Rachel met some boy who’s name I never could remember. He was always the boy in the plaid shirt to me. And I met Bob.

I don’t remember a lot about the night. But I do remember I drank too much. And I stupidly put my hand on a very hot burner on the stove. [Don't ask!]

So after that party I started to hang out with Bob more. I thought we were really hitting it off. I’d go over to his house sometimes after school or on weekends. We’d watch Press Your Luck or whatever else we’d do. [Honestly all I can remember doing is watching Press Your Luck. You know...More money. No Whammies!]

And then a month in to this fantastic [is there a smiley for sarcasm?!?] relationship, I finally saw his room. It was an extremely small room. I mean really, really small. You’d walk in and there’s the twin bed. There was no room for any bed bigger than a twin. One dresser and you had to climb over the bed to get to the closet. It was odd because it was a pretty big house.

But it wasn’t the size of the bedroom that was disturbing. It was what was on the walls. I am not shitting you. There was an entire wall [granted, it was a small wall, but still] of love notes and drawings and “I love Kara” doodles. All over this wall Bob had taped every single note this girl Kara had given him to the wall. And then he apparently spent some time reminiscing about high school cause I think that’s the only time you write “I love” so and so multiply times on a piece of paper. He had little drawings he made of hearts and her name in balloon letters. It was a bit stalkerish-crazy, if I may make up my own term.

But I was crazy about Bob. Huh?!? I don’t know. I can’t explain other than I was a stupid fifteen year old girl. So I didn’t really let it bother me. Oh, I mean…It bothered me. But I tried to play it off like it didn’t.

Then a couple of days later Bob broke up with me. He broke up with me? He’s the stalker with every piece of paper this girl ever gave him plastered to his wall and he…broke up…with…me. What?@!? He said he wasn’t over his ex yet [no kidding?? hadn't noticed] and he didn’t think that was fair to me.

Ok….

So I spent that night crying. My first real boyfriend was still in love with his ex and had just broken up with me.

But it didn’t last long. Within a few days we were hanging out again. And eventually we were officially back together again. He even started to pick me up from school in his cool new Mustang. Well, at least until he totaled it in a drunk driving accident [his drunk driving]. Just months before my 16th birthday. Don’t worry. He wasn’t hurt.

He eventually moved out of his parents house and got a trailer with his brother. The surrounding neighborhood was actually an okay neighborhood. But the trailer park really brought down the house values. It was the dumpiest trailer park I had ever seen to that point in my life. [Unfortunately since then I have seen worse. I didn't even think that was possible.] There were prostitutes living in the trailer park. I’m not kidding. It was in the paper. But it was their own place; no more mom and dad. So it was “cool.”

I went over there many times. I even spent the night. [But don't tell my mom and dad. I'm sure they thought I was either at Rachel's or Necole's.] We often got Bob to buy us alcohol. Because by that point he was 21 [I was 16, almost 17]. And we had parties at his house. It was a good ‘ole time.

But I finally realized I wasn’t really “in love” with Bob. In fact, I lost my virginity while I was dating Bob, but I never once had sex with Bob. And I’ll just leave that at that.

So in my senior year of high school, after dating off and on for two years, Bob and I split up for good. He was a nice guy, but he was so not my type. I was not even close to attracted to him like a girl should be to a boy she loves. I talked to him quite a few times in the years following our break up, but I haven’t seen or talked to him in more than ten years now.

My second “true love” [barf] was Adam. I don’t have a lot to say about Adam. I already told you about him dumping me before prom and, yes, he is the one above at graduation. That second chance didn’t last long past graduation. I believe he was already losing interest [again] by July and we were officially broken up [again] by September.

But I still didn’t learn. Yep. You guessed it. We tried it one more time; after I broke up with boyfriend 1/2 (you know, three and a half boyfriends). Somebody told me that Adam had moved to a nearby small town. So I [pathetically] drove to said small town and drove down every street until I found his car. It was a very small town so it didn’t take that long. Oddly, he saw me. I think it was because I got out of my car and walked up to his to peep in the windows and see if he was there. But maybe not.

He invited me in and that was all she wrote. At least for a month or so. You’d think a girl would learn. But girls don’t learn. Girls are stupid.

So, finally, I met Lee. Lee and I had a rocky start. And just six months after we started dating, we were splitting up and I was pregnant. But in the end it all worked out. And I couldn’t be happier.

And while Lee and I were split up, Adam came over to my house and told me that he had screwed up. He was ready to be a good boyfriend and he was hoping I’d give him a second fourth chance. But he was D-E-N-I-E-D. Finally. The girl learns. It wasn’t Adam I wanted. It was Lee. Lee deserved the second chance.

Oh, and what about the half? Pure loser. We met at work. Wendy’s. You know the fast food restaurant. He was a fry cooker. I was a cashier girl. How pathetic is that? He had a crazy ex-girlfriend, who needless to say, didn’t enjoy me so much. And he pretty much strung her along which made it a hundred times worse.

One night Jason (the half) and I were fighting about who knows what and I was trying to get some movies we rented out of my car. And he bit me. Yes, you read that right. He bit me. On both of my hands. He left teeth marks and slober and everything. Freaking loser. The next week at work, my aunt [the manager at Wendy's] gave Jason coupons for dog biscuits and told him to get himself some if he needed something to chew on. She rocks!

But that wasn’t the end. There was another night he and I went to his friends house. And his friend was beating his girlfriend in the bedroom. I mean beating the piss out of her. The next day she called in sick to work and had bruises all over her face and neck. And there were four guys, big guys, sitting at the kitchen table doing nothing.

And [yes there is an "and"] I went to Jason’s house shortly after Christmas and he sicked his dog on me. It was a little bitty dog so it was really just nipping at my ankles. It wasn’t painful, but it was rude. And I was pissed. He thought it was funny. I told him to kiss my ass and I left. For good.

Oh, I almost forget the best moment of all. I had invited Jason to my house for dinner to meet my parents. [Like my parents ever wanted to meet that loser.] And he never showed. I was so pissed off. I drove clear across town to his house. I rang the buzzer to his “high security” apartment…in the ghetto. He answers it all like “yes” and I said “you better answer the fucking door right now.” So he buzzed me in. I went storming through his apartment door only to find four guys sitting in his living room playing video games. But no Jason. Then the bathroom door opened and out he walked. Without thinking I grabbed the closest thing I could find — a full beer can — and I chucked it at his head. And I mean chucked. It left a deep ring in the drywall outside the bathroom door. He lost some of his security depost because of that hole. He’s lucky I can’t hit a target to save my life cause I surely would have knocked him out.

Don’t get me wrong. Jason could be very sweet too. Can’t they all when they “want” something? But after four months of his loser bullshit I had to cut him lose. He was so much of a loser even I could tell this time.

Nothing like memories of old boyfriends to remind you how good you have it now. I have a feeling Bob probably still works in fast food. I know that Adam and his new wife were evicted from their last apartment. And I believe that Jason is still hanging out in the bar every night scoping for girls. Thank God I found my path to Lee. I know I wouldn’t be happy with anybody else.

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