The Bean Blog

Ailment Insults Part 2

Oct 28, 2005 A [cleft] lip divided, In my humble opinion

I got a response back from Denise regarding my comment on her blog. She wrote:

Christine,

Thank you so very much for your comment! I hope you can discern from my blog that I would never intentionally inflict offense on an innocent person (indeed, I try to avoid offense even on guilty persons!).

My use of the word “hair lip” was completely misplaced. It is a word I remember from my youth — and to be honest I didn’t know it was the same as a cleft palate, nor did I know it was derogatory. My deepest apologies.

As to my reference to a cleft palate, I think you’ve helped me to make my point. A cleft palate *IS* so much more than psychological. So is transsexualism. Indeed, as you clearly point out, both can be life-threatening. But, in the majority of cases, in both instances, the patient can arguably survive in society without surgery. But why should we make them? We have the tools to correct this so-called defect (assuming, of course, that nature (or God) makes defects), so we should use our nature (or God) given talents to make the world a more manageable place for people so afflicted.

I wish you and your child the very best and I extend, again, my deepest apologies for any offense I’ve caused.

Denise

P.S. I also posted this response on my blog.

I still don’t really see the coorelation between transsexual surgery and cleft lip and palate. To me it’s a little like comparing cancer and heart disease. You can die from both, but that’s about where the similiarities end. However, I do see her point. There is so much more to both of these “defects” than lies on the surface. And only those who have been affected by either of these will fully understand the reasons behind the choice for surgery or even the effects of the ailments.

Ailment Insults

Oct 28, 2005 A [cleft] lip divided, In my humble opinion

I just came across a blog written by a transsexual woman. She wrote a very good post regarding the catholic churches judgments regarding transsexuals. Normally I don’t comment on blog of people I don’t know unless I’m going to post words of encouragement. But I was a little upset about one of this woman’s comments. She stated that a cleft is mainly psychological. Granted she did say arguably, but the tone is basically that those affected by clefts have surgery to look better…to fit in to society. And that is just not the case.

I tried to comment to express my disappointment in her comments without trying to offend her. After all it’s her blog. She can write whatever she wants to.

This is what I wrote:

I don’t want to take away from your point at all. You make some very good points regarding transsexual surgery. It irritates me when people try to use their religion as a reason for bigotry. And I stand behind you for calling them out. I am not a transsexual so I have no clue what kind of inner turmoil a transsexual has. Nor can I identify with the reasons that a person would want to switch genders. However, I do recognize that for those that are suffering through it, it is much more than a psychological issue.

However, I’m a little upset regarding your comment “I continue to use the example of a hair-lip or a cleft palate where the only “defect” is arguably psychological — the desire of a person afflicted to have it “corrected” so that they better fit in society.”

I stumbled on to your website when I did a search for “cleft lip.” I am the mother of a child affected by cleft lip and I am a cleft lip and palate advocate in my area.

First, the term “hair-lip” is now considered to be a derogatory term. I know our society is turning in to such a senstive society where short people have become height-challenged and things are now politically incorrect. But as somebody who is passionate about your cause and making sure that others are informed about your ailment, I’m sure you can identify with the sensitivity of deragotory terms regarding another ailment.

Second, yes some cleft patients have surgery just to look better. But for the majority of cleft kids, it’s much more then appearances. Cleft kids have a very difficult time sucking on the nipple of a breast or a bottle. Many kids with cleft lips have deformaties with their nose making it difficult for them to breath. Some children are missing teeth or their teeth are not aligned correctly which causes jaw pain and often makes it difficult for the child to chew.

And that’s just cleft lip kids. Cleft palate kids have many other problems. Difficulty speaking and breathing. Difficulty swallowing.

A cleft is much more than a psychological issue that needs to be corrected so the child can fit in to society.

I apologize if I have misinterpreted your comments or if I have offended you, but I felt the need to advocate for cleft kids.

Thanks,
Christine

Do you think that sounds alright? Or should I have just kept my damn nose out of it?

Reading is Fundamental

Oct 27, 2005 A day in our life

We do a lot of reading in our house. I’ve always loved to read. I have tons of books on my “reading list” plus my monthly magazines. And I’ve always considered reading to be very important for the kids.

I try to read before bed every night. I’m not always good at getting my reading time in, but I give it the old college try. [Well the college try minus the excessive drinking, heated petting and bra tossing.] And I try to let the kids see me reading [you know, modeling...not fashion modeling...but modeling behaviour like those parenting books are always talking about]. I read my magazines while I’m cooking dinner and sometimes I read on the couch while the kids do their homework [or color] at the kitchen table.

Now that Skyler & Spencer are in kindergarten they visit the IMC (school library) every day. So we try to read their books every night. There are a couple of nights when it gets too late for reading (like tonight since Spencer had wrestling practice until 7:30pm), but we usually read two or three books a night. Sometimes all five kids sit on the couch with me and listen to the book I’m reading. It’s pretty cool to read to my kids. And actually see them listening.

On Monday night Skyler read to me. Yep, she can read. It was one of those easy readers where they repeat the words over and over.
I see the orange fish. I see the red fish. I see the blue fish.
Each of the colors was in that color so it made it a little easier, but that doesn’t matter. Skyler read the book. I was so impressed I had her read it to daddy. I’m so proud of her. It’s so cool to see how much both she and Spencer are learning in kindergarten.

Three years ago we started forcing asking Keaton and Justis to read for thirty minutes every night. We let them take the weekend nights off, but on most week nights they read. They have quite a few books in their room and they both check out books from the school library.

In the beginning they really fought this new routine. They did not want to read at all. Let alone for thirty whole minutes. But now they don’t even argue. They just do it. In fact there are a couple of nights I have told them to just go to bed because it was getting close to 9pm (their bedtime) and they said “but we haven’t read yet.”

Tonight Keaton and Justis were sitting at the table reading their books and sharing a bag of popcorn. I looked in on them and I was amazed. It was so awesome to see them reading. And it was even more awesome to see them being quiet.

For thirty whole minutes they sat at the kitchen table, reading quietly with no fights. Not even a dirtly look. And this seemed like a small miracle after the night we had. The two of them were in constant fights all night. But when they were reading it was like those earlier fights never even happened.

I sat there in amazement and watched them read for a while. Not only was I thrilled that they were not fighting, but I was so excited to see Justis reading. I know Justis had books in Wisconsin (because I bought him quite a few and sent them up with him), but he also told me that when they moved out of Brian’s house the first time, they left his books behind. And I suspect he did not read much in Wisconsin. I’ve seen the research and I know how important it is to read. And I know how reading will help Justis succeed in school.

Sitting there watching Justis I realized I could already see a huge difference in him. He is getting in to reading. I can actually say with some certainty that he enjoys reading. A couple of months ago he was reading a book and on the back there was a review that compared the book to another book. Justis showed that to me and asked me to buy that book for him. I was so happy that he was showing interest in books and asking me to buy him books. So I, of course, bought it for him along with some other adventure books [his genre of choice].

Then I looked over at Keaton [who was reading The Day my Butt Went Psycho...whatever it takes to get them to read] and I could see that he was also enjoying reading. In fact, there are times I go in to Keaton’s room expecting to see him on his computer or fixated on the television. But to my surprise he’s laying on his bed reading. When he’s bored, he reads. And I think that’s great.

I’m so proud that the kids are excited about reading. I makes me so happy that I [and Lee] helped instill this great value in them. Just when you think you are failing miserably at your parenting duties because you can’t get your kids to stop calling each other stupid and telling each other to shut up, they go and show you they really do listen. Isn’t it a wonderful thing when your kids show you that you really are a good role model in their life?

Do You Want A Fish?

Oct 26, 2005 A day in our life

Cause we have some to spare.

Remember back when our mollies had seventeen babies? We kept all of those babies and they are getting so big. They are also very fast. I tried to take a picture of them now that they are big. But my digital camera just can’t keep up. So you’ll just have to take my word for it.

However, now our blank convict impregnated our pink convict. And today we have around 100 to 200 new convicts. That’s a lot of convicts in one house.

The babies are those little brown specks that look like pieces of rock in the red rock. But it’s not brown rock. It’s baby convicts. We did a little research and apparently mommy and daddy convicts are very good and attentive parents. You wouldn’t think that with a name like convict. But we’ve been watching them and the mommy and daddy take turns watching over their babies. They shoo away the other fish and if any of the babies try and leave the pack the parents pick them up in their mouths, brings them back to the pack and spits them out. It’s really pretty cool.

So if you have a fish tank that’s a little low on fish or if you are thinking of getting fish tank, you know where to get some fish. Drop me a line. Ha ha. Drop me a line. That’s a fish pun. I crack myself up.