I’m kind of lost today. I’m having some anxiety. I’m a little sad. And quite frankly I’m a little jealous.

Nicci is coming to pick Justis up tonight. When we decided this summer that Justis would live here from now on, Lee struck a deal with Nicci. She gets to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with him this year. I know that’s the right thing to do. She hasn’t seen him since June. I know she misses him like crazy. And he misses her. Plus everybody wants to spend the holidays with their children.

But just because it’s the right thing to do doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I’m sad that our whole family won’t be together for Thanksgiving. I know. I know. I need to get over myself.

This whole visitation thing is heart wrenching. You’d think after twelve years we’d be used to it by now. But honestly, it never gets any easier. It’s never a good feeling to not have your children with you for the holidays. It’s never a good feeling to know he’s having a great time with another family. I want him to have a great time, but that doesn’t stop me from being jealous that he’s having a great time. I want him to have a great relationship with his mom, but that doesn’t stop me from being jealous that he has a great relationship with his mom. It’s really a double edged sword. [Either that or I'm just never happy :)]

But in the end Justis is very lucky to have two great families who love him very much. And I take comfort in that. But I’m still on the countdown until he comes home again on Sunday.