Moral Convictions Causing Friction?
On page 26 of the December 2005 Shape magazine, there is a little snippet that I found quite interesting. It was written by Stacey Colino and it’s titled “Are your moral convictions creating friction?” The article reads:
A recent series of studies at the University of Illinois at Chicago found that when people have moral mandates — meaning that their attitudes are held with strong moral conviction — they are less tolerant of friends and other people with different attitudes.
How can you tell if your convictions are creating tension? If you find yourself rejecting lots of people as potential friends or you begin to think of those who don’t share your moral outlook as flawed, those are clues.
“Even if you think your moral point of view trumps someone else’s, recognizing that each individual has legitimate values and concerns can make you more tolerant of others,” says study co-author Linda J. Skitka, Ph.D., a professor of psychology.
I found this so interesting because I was faced with this recently. Most of you know that a friend of mine cheated on her husband a couple of years ago. I was very dissapointed in her decision to do that. I have strong “convictions” about cheating on your spouse. But not once did it ever cross my mind that she was “flawed” because she did this. And never once did I ever think about discontinuing our friendship because of it.
Shortly after her infidelity became public knowledge, another friend of ours asked me “how can you still be friends with her when you know that she did this?” And I said, “because she’s my friend.”
That’s what friends are for. I want to be there for my friends when they need me. And I hope that when I make mistakes [because I know it will happen] that they will be there for me.
That’s the wonderful thing about friends. We probably have some things in common [otherwise we more than likely wouldn't be friends], but we are also very different. I have learned some very important lessons from my friends. And many of those lessons came from watching and helping my friends overcome obstacles.
I consider myself to be very lucky to have the friends that I have. I wouldn’t change a thing.
