Christmas Memory #5 — Santa’s Drunk Years

Did you know that Santa has a sense of humor? Either that or he’s a drinker.

How do I know? Well by the time I was in high school I started to get some of the weirdest gifts. There was this one year I unwrapped a rather large box. What could it be? It’s a fairly large box. Is it a CD player? A computer game? I ripped in to the box and what did I see? Shampoo. Two big bottles of shampoo wrapped in a carboard box. Um, ok.

So I figured Santa just made a little mistake. You know he’s get up there in years and sometimes those old people get a little confused. My CD player was probably sitting in his shower up at the North Pole.

But that’s ok. He’s Santa after all. He deserves one little mishap. So I moved on.

The next box was around the same size. “This better not be more shampoo I thought.” But surely it wasn’t. Santa couldn’t make that mistake twice. This one must be a new hair dryer or maybe a small VCR.

So I ripped it open. And what was in this box? Conditioner. Did you read me? Conditioner. For my hair. To go with the shampoo. Huh?

I started to think maybe I wasn’t a very good girl that year. Since my grandma keeps “accidentally” getting on my blog while trying to find our wishlists I won’t run down the lists of things I did that year, but I didn’t think I was any worse then any other teenage girl.

Then I looked over at my stepmom. She was pulling things out of her stocking. The rest of us had candy canes and a pair of socks. A cassette tape or a book. A toothbrush and toothpaste [because Santa cares about our dental health...still does to this day]. But stepmom’s stocking looked a little limp. There didn’t appear to be a lot in there.

And then she pulled out the first thing. An orange. An orange for gosh sake. What does a stepmom need with an orange? She can’t even make orange juice with just one orange. But she wasn’t discouraged. She reached back in there to see what else she got. And then she pulled out a potato. A freakin’ potato, people.

And oddly, there was an orange missing from the drawer in the fridge and a potato missing from the bag in the pantry. Hmm….That Santa. He’s a sneaky one.

Share and Enjoy: