Spencer is really struggling with his shyness and insecurities. And I’m struggling with helping him deal with them. I know I need to be understanding, but sometimes that’s easier said then done. As I’ve stated many times, I was an extremely shy child. So I understand what Spencer’s feeling. I also know what he’s missing by letting his shyness take over. I really need to ask my dad how he dealt with this while raising me. He must have been a saint.

It’s just so hard for me to see Spencer being so hard on himself. And I hate to see him give up so easily on things he wanted to do so badly. I want him to be confident in himself and proud of his accomplishments. I don’t want to see him giving up on things only to regret it later. I know how this feels because I lived it. For a long time.

Sometimes Spencer has good wrestling practices. And sometimes they aren’t so good. Tonight it was bad. They started practice out with some practice matches. Spencer didn’t even try. He just laid on his stomach. I wasn’t there, but I guess Lee was pretty angry. Not yelling at Spencer angry, but dissappointed, wait-until-we-get-home-so-we-can-discuss-this angry. When Spencer gave up and went over to sit by Lee, Lee told him he needed to get back on the mat. “You may not want to practice, but that other kid wants to practice.” Spencer just wouldn’t participate though, so Lee ended up leaving with Spencer halfway through practice.

When I was giving Spencer hugs and kisses at bedtime I told him I bought him some new books; some early reader books that he could read to me. He started to cry and he said, “I don’t know how to read.” I said, “Well we will read them together until you learn. Just like at school.” But he insisted he couldn’t do it. I said, “Yes you can. You just need to practice and you’ll get better. There are tons of things you can do now that you couldn’t do last year.”

To name a few…

• After a rocky start in soccer, by the end of the season he was a master at scoring some goals. He was keeping his eye on the ball, running the length of the soccer field and giving it his all to kick the ball in to the goal.
• He CAN read. Granted in kindergarten they do it more by memory then actually reading, but that’s how we all started. And he’s right on target of where he should be. In fact his teacher told us she was a little worried about him at the beginning of the year, but his growth in the last few months has been outstanding.
• He picked up on patterns like he’s been doing them his whole life. He has no problems making and naming patterns.
• He’s very good at rhyming. A little too good sometimes. Like a couple of weeks ago when he spent the night at grandma’s house and when she asked what he was learning in school he said, “Rhyming. Like ball, tall. Can, fan. Hat, bat. Witch, bitch?!?” Then he promptly threw his hands up to his mouth and gave grandma a horrified look. Kids say the darnest thing. And, us adults need to remember they repeat everything we say.

At Spencer’s wrestling matches I always tell him he needs to at least try. “It’s ok not to win. It’s not ok not to try” is my mantra for him. I can usually talk him in to putting forth some effort after repeated [over and over and over and over and over] pep talks. It’s exhausting, but I guess this is what I signed up for when I decided to have five kids with five completely different personalities [including some traits they got from me].

After our bedtime pep talk I think he felt better. We wiped away the tears and I told him we’d read the stories together tomorrow. He [finally] had a big smile on his face. Seeing that smile is what makes all the pep talks in the world worth it.

I know this won’t be the last breakdown he has. I know this won’t be the last pep talk I have to give. I know Spencer will be a handful when it comes to trying new things, going back to school after embarrassing incidents, and other things that us shy people have to deal with on a daily basis. And I know Lee and I need to be there for him to help him through these times. But we will also need to let him try things on his own and we even need to let him fail. But he’ll learn that the small failures make the successes a hundred times more special.

Man, it’s hard work trying to be responsible parents. There really needs to be a parent’s manual or something. I guess this is why the self-help section at the bookstore is overflowing and why Dr. Phil is raking in the dough.

Well I’m off to peruse Amazon.com in search of how to help your shy child books.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 9th, 2006 at 11:20 pm and is filed under A day in our life. Comments are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.