Survivor’s Guilt

We had layoffs in my department at work today. I still have a job, but a woman who I consider to be a friend was not so lucky.

I’m so glad I worked from home today. Because remember my hormones? I so would have cried in front of all of my co-workers. And I hate it when people, especially strangers, see me cry.

Patty isn’t just a friend, she’s also a great co-worker. She’d been with the company for almost twenty years and is very knowledgable. She was a great asset to our group. And she would always back you up. I mean that in both that when you are out sick or on vacation she never hesitated to back a girl [and boy] up. And when you were struggling with an issue she was always willing to help you out. She will be sorely missed.

I’m experiencing quite a bit of “survivor’s guilt.” I’ve been through layoffs before, but this one hit a little closer to home because of who we lost. Plus I know [and have told a few people, including Patty] that I am not very happy in my job. I feel like I’ve outgrown it and am ready for my next big challenge. But I’m too chicken to take the leap myself. However, if I had been laid off I would have no more excuses.

But I wasn’t let go. Patty was. And she didn’t want to be.

Ok, the tears. Excuse me a minute. I need to get a grip.

I have full faith that Patty will be just fine. I’m sure she will find an even better job with an even better company that will honestly appreciate her loyalty and hard work. But today it sucks. I hate layoffs. Damn you big business.

Share and Enjoy: