Let’s recap. I started taking drugs [prescribed by my doctor, thank you]. I stopped drinking caffeine. Since May 22nd I have had half a bottle of Mt. Dew, a can of Pepsi and today I had half a cup of Mt. Dew at the movie theatre. That’s pretty darn good for a girl who used to drink two bottles of Dew a day…at least. Now I’m drowning myself in water and the occassional non-caffenated Squirt. I had forgotten how yummy Squirt is. And here I am off on a tangent again…

Ok, so drugs, no caffeine….and I’m exercise regularly. I’ve been walking on the treadmill again. All of a sudden it’s gotten to hot and humid for me to walk outside. My asthma makes me want to keel over and die.

I’m doing all of this and I’m still as looney as a one-legged monkey on crack.

Just this morning I started feeling some anxiety because Skyler wasn’t home to try on her new clothes. I ordered her some clothes from Gymboree and they came in the mail today [cause God forbid I drive 15 minutes to the mall and buy them in person ;)]. But when the clothes got here Skyler wasn’t home. She went to the fish store with dad and her siblings. [Yes, the fish store again.] The more I sat here admiring her new clothes, the more anxious I got about her trying them on. I almost called Lee to tell him to run home so she could try them on.

Yes, I could have moved them out of sight. But I knew if I did that then I would just sit here thinking about where I moved them to and how crazy I was for obsessing about that.

See that’s the most frustrating thing about OCD. You know this anxiety is irrational. But you just can’t make yourself stop feeling it. I know odd numbers aren’t evil, but when things are on evil odd numbers I feel my heart start beating quicker and the sweat forming on my brow.

What’s odd is that I am actually quite calm when it comes to real life stressful situations. On Wednesday I left the house with Keaton to go to a meeting at church. I told Lee I would meet him at Justis’ baseball game to pick up the kids. Only I guess I didn’t say “Justis’ baseball game.” All I said was “baseball game.”

So I got out to the baseball game around quarter to eight and Lee was no where to be seen. I was a little bit worried. I was pretty sure he was supposed to be there. But then I figured maybe he just decided that he would stay home and I could bring Justis home. I tried to call both home and Lee’s cell phone. No answer. “Hmm….that’s odd,” I thought, but I tried to remain calm.

Then we got home and he wasn’t here. He had Skyler, Spencer and Caleb with him so I was getting pretty worried. Where would he go with the kids? He has never gone off somewhere and not let me know where he was going or not answered his cell phone.

But I didn’t freak out. I stayed calm and tried to decide what I should do? Should I call his friends? Should I call the hospitals? Should I call the police?

I called my mom. Now she’s a freaker-outer. And she did what she does best. She hyperventilated and through breaths said, “Call the police.” Ok, he’s only been missing from my radar for like an hour.

So I decide before I checked with the hospital I would try his cell phone one more time. He FINALLY answered that time. I said, “Where the hell are you?” He said, “I’m at softball.”

And here is where I lost it. Through tears I said, “YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO MEET ME AT JUSTIS’ BASEBALL GAME!”

He goes, “I thought you just misspoke and you meant my softball game.”

“You never once told me you had a softball game tonight.”

“I destinctly remember saying the words ‘I play at…’”

“NO YOU DID NOT!”

So I was worried and angry, but I never felt the heart crunching panic and anxiety that I feel over something stupid like the television volume being on 13 instead of 12. Isn’t that weird? I know that’s crazy, but I can’t help it. SUCKS with a capital S-U-C-K-S.