I have had two run ins with the law in my lifetime. The first time was when I was caught shoplifting at the age of fifteen. The second time was in the summer of ‘98. I tore up paper and threw it in a guys lap. I’m not kidding. That was the extent of that altercation. But it was considered assault and I was handcuffed, fingerprinted, got my mug shot taken and spent a few hours behind bars.

Lee and I were living in a trailer. We owned the trailer, but we had to pay rent on the lot. This meant the trailer park management could run our lives with their many rules. We got notices for having shovels out on our porch…in the winter…when it was snowing. We got notices about our siding not being on properly after a big storm. We got notices about our grass being too long. We got notices about the way our shed was painted. It was ridiculous.

I actually knew the manager. He and his family used to live next door to my family in a more affluent part of town. My stepmom used to babysit their daughter every day while he and his wife were at work.

When I was seventeen, I babysat for them one night when they went out on the town. At the time their youngest daughter was still in diapers and just starting to eat table food. They also had an older daughter who was around twelve. The night was pretty uneventful. I knew that at twelve she felt like she didn’t need a babysitter, so I tried to include her as much as I could. I asked her to be my helper. I made it clear I was just babysitting the baby, not her. I had her show me where the diapers and the diaper medicine was. I had her help me put her little sister to bed. Stuff like that.

Then after we got the baby to bed, we watched some television together and ate some junk food. After a while I had her go to bed too. I thought things went well.

It wasn’t until weeks later that I found out they were not happy with my babysitting. They told my stepmom they had to pay their twelve-year-old too because she told them I didn’t do anything but talk to my boyfriend on the phone the whole time and eat their food. I did not talk to my boyfriend at all except for a few minutes when he stopped by [because he lived right down the street and this family knew him as well]. But I sent him on his way because I was babysitting. According to the twelve-year-old, she had to everything including changing her sister’s diapers and putting her to bed.

I was furious. She did not have to do anything. I was having her help me because I thought it would help her feel like she was more grown up. And she made them pay her because she was a twelve-year-old and twelve-year-olds are manipulative like that. She got them to pay her for me babysitting. Now that’s some good conning.

But then, on the other hand, I also didn’t really care. I was never one to babysit. Some girls that age loved to babysit and did it every weekend. It was never my thing. I had a much, much younger brother and sister [when I was seventeen, my brother was around five and my sister was about one]. I occassionally babysat them and that was enough for me. Since this couple were unhappy with me, it just meant they would never ask me to babysit again.

A few months after that babysitting debacle, the father lost his job and struggled to find a new one. Eventually they had to sell their house and move. They ended up buying a trailer and he landed the job of manager of the trailer park.

Fast forward six years to when Lee and I moved in to the trailer park. This family did not like me, and honestly the feeling was mutual. So personally, I feel like they picked on us. But maybe they were just assholes to everybody.

The day I was arrested, I was coming back from an outing at work. I probably was speeding a little through the trailer park. My trailer was way in back and I had to go to the bathroom.

On my way home I passed the assistant manager. The assistant manager was the manager’s son-in-law. Yes, this guy was married to that mean twelve-year-old [who was now 18]. He followed me back to my trailer. I went inside to use the restroom. Within those couple of minutes the assistant manager wrote me up a bunch of new notices for speeding and having toys on my porch and who knows what else. I was pissed. I grabbed the notices from my front door. He was still sitting in his truck in front of my house. As I walked to his truck I ripped up the notices, opened his truck door, yelled at him to leave me alone and threw the ripped up notices in his lap.

Apparently he didn’t take that lightly. He called the cops from his truck and then backup so he was blocking my car [so I couldn't leave].

I stayed in my house until the police officer got there. The cop told me I was being charged with assault. I could tell he couldn’t believe he was actually called to this disturbance. The assistant manager claimed I slammed his leg in the door when I shut the door as I walked off. I said, “Really? Then how did the door close if his leg was in it?” The assistant manager didn’t have any bruises or any other marks on his leg. He was obviously lying. However, I admitted that I threw the paper in his lap and that’s considered simple assault.

As the officer was handcuffing me and placing me in the cop car, he apologized the whole time. He knew this was bullshit, but he had to do his job. He was very nice, chit chatting with me the whole way to the station.

After I was fingerprinted and my mug shot was taken, a woman officer began asking me questions. She asked me what happened and I told her. She looked up from her paper and gave me a look like “WTF?!?” She said, “Seriously?” I said, “Yep.” Obviously she was as shocked as I was that our local tax payers are paying to keep me off the street. You know, me being such an evil criminal and all. I’ve never even been in a fist fight in my entire life.

Once she was done questioning me, she placed me in a holding cell with another criminal. I’m not sure what that girl was in there for. I didn’t ask. But I’m sure it was probably something like giving somebody the evil eye.

After about three hours, Lee posted my $100 bond and I was a free woman. I actually had called my lawyer while I was waiting for the cops to show up so he was aware of the situation [although he wasn't a criminal attorney, he was a bankruptcy and real estate attorney]. Within a couple days, we had come to an agreement. Prior to going to jail, Lee and I had already given our notice that we were moving. We agreed to move up our move date if they would drop the assault charge. So the assistant manager dropped the charges and paid the court costs and Lee and I moved out within days.

So the moral of the story is, even if you have a pretty mellow temper you need to watch yourself because the most innocent things can land your ass in jail. So it’s best to just take the high road and ignore the assholes in your life.