I’ll tell you where Dick can surgically implant that boot
Jul 31, 2007 Watching way too much TV
Are you watching Big Brother this season? I’m not really in to it like I have been in past seasons. I’m not sure what it is with this year but it’s just not forcing me to watch like previous years. I think it’s because I pretty much hate everybody in the house. And for the love of God, did Dustin only bring the one gray shirt? Actually two shirts. That gray v-neck and the blue shirt that says “Define girlfriend.” Change your shirt dude. Please. If only for my sanity.
The America’s Player twist this year is totally lame. It irritates me that this “twist” messes with game play [although I have to admit I was kind of amused how it turned the game in to a big whodunit after there were two votes for Kail]. When Eric signed up for the show he was thinking he might win a million dollars. I doubt he was thinking America could totally screw him out of that money. But out of all the houseguests, Eric is the best choice for this “twist.” I just love him. He’s such a funny and likable guy. And his facial expressions kill me.
Up until today I really liked Dick too. I love the fact that he’s not afraid to tell you what he’s thinking and not afraid to stand up for himself. But he does he have to do it in such a threatening way?
And then today he totally lost all the respect I had for him.
I don’t care for Jen. She’s self-centered and annoying and if I hear her talk about one of her pictures again I may just loose my lunch. But she’s Jen and I’ve come to not be so ticked off by her in the last few episodes. [I think Amber annoying me with her crying at the drop of a hat has something to do with my new appreciation of Jen. Cause seriously Amber. What's with the damn waterworks every four seconds? Grow a spine.]
So anyway, it’s no secret that Dick doesn’t care for Jen. [If you don't watch the feeds or read the spoilers then you may want to stop here. Although I'm pretty sure they can't show this on TV since every other word out of Dick's mouth was a filthy curse word and I doubt they have enough bleeping for that. But you've been warned. SPOILER NEXT!]
Dick and Jen got in to a big fight in the kitchen. I don’t know what started it. But Dick was saying some very vile things to Jen. Calling her names. Telling her he could smell her “twat from all the way over here.” And asking her why doesn’t she use Drano to clean it. And very mature things like that. If you are so inclined you can watch how it all went down on YouTube because I honestly can’t do it justice here. It amazes me how well Jen handles this verbal abuse from Dick. She just smiles and nods. I wish I had that much restraint.
At one point Jen kind of lost it and made a comment about how it’s awful that somebody would cheat on their boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, referring to Danielle. Of course, that comment pissed Dick off and the verbal attacks continued full force. But, honestly, Jen’s right. Ok, so maybe she’s saying it because she’s jealous, but Dani does have a boyfriend back home who probably doesn’t appreciate her slobbering all over some jock. I’m thinking a boyfriend of more than two years deserves a little better than watching his girlfriend cheat on him on national television. I’m just saying.
And what gets me is how do the other players just sit there and let Dick talk like that to a woman? Does he talk to his mother like that? I think we all now completely understand what Daniele meant by “mean friend” and why she didn’t speak to her dad for two years. Are they all too scared to tell him to show a little respect and act like a man? Cause I gotta tell you. If I was in that house I’d tell him to shut his scary rocker ass up as I was tackling him to the floor and twisting his nipples until he was crying for his mommy. I don’t care what Jen did. I don’t care how self-centered she is. I don’t care how annoying she can be. Nobody deserves to be talked to like that. Dick is a grown man. According to the Big Brother website he’s 44. And that behavior is just despicable. I watched that video two hours ago. I told Lee about it. I told my mom about it. I told my friend Carolyn about it. And I just can’t get over how much it disgusts me.
Oh, I didn’t even mention the best part. Dick poured tea on Jen. A grown man poured tea on a woman as if he was a four year old child. Seriously?!?
I was perusing the BB boards [because I have no life] and I found this gem.
Grow some freakin man JENITALS and quit your b!tchin and moaning. If you think what D!ck did was physical abuse/assault by pouring tea on someone’s head then you should never leave your house because you are nothing more than a weak pansy. Its freaking TEA, not acid!!!! Grow up, pu$$ies!
Actually the thought of Jen pressing charges never crossed my mind until I read this. But I do want to point out that, yes, pouring tea on somebody is assault under the law. How do I know? Because I once spent three hours in jail for throwing ripped up paper at a guy. Yes a GUY. A guy pressed charges against me for throwing paper at him. The cops showed up. Handcuffed me. Put me in the back of a police car and hauled my ass off to jail where I was fingerprinted, photographed and then sat in a cell waiting for Lee to bail me out. Seriously. I can’t make this shit up.
[Just because of this post I had to go in and uncheck the box for "Check this box if you do NOT use profanity on your blog" for the BlogHer ads. That's how pissed off I am over this.]
So Dick has officially been inked in to my shithole list. I hope when he gets out of the house all those celebrities whose names he’s been dropping this season pour their drinks on him and call him a dirty whore. Although he’d probably like that.
Smot Poker*
Jul 31, 2007 At least I still have my health?
I had another follow-up visit with my ENT today. For well over a week I’ve been breathing well, haven’t had any headaches and have managed to not get pink eye. All of these are huge accomplishment considering how the beginning of my year went. So I wasn’t expecting him to find anything when he took a gander up my nose with his rubber camera hose. I, however, was not expecting this conversation:
ENT: Everything looks good up there. You’re wide open. You could smuggle cocaine in to Columbia with those cavities.
Me: *blink. blink*
ENT: Although I guess you’d want to smuggle it out of Columbia. Not in.
Now he’s a great doctor [and a good looking guy], but I’m starting to get a little concerned he’s taking some hits off the groovy twig.
*I tend to call people “pot smokers” when they do something not so bright. But one day I was talking to my mom on the phone and we were discussing the idiots that work for a large national bank. *coughbankofamericacough* I was trying to say they were pot smokers, but was so worked up about just how incredibly stupid they could be that I accidentally said “smot pokers.” So now that’s a big inside joke. Although since I just told the whole internet I guess it’s no longer “inside.”
Can’t you just feel the love?
Jul 30, 2007 A day in our life
Earlier this evening I grabbed Spencer for a big bear hug. I was hugging him tight when he said, “Ok. That’s enough.”
What?!?
Of course, since he was being a little seven-year-old smartass, I just held on tighter. To which he responded, “Let go of me woman.”
My seven-year-old just called me woman. Obviously more torture was needed.
So I started to kiss him. All over his face. Which then made him howl, “Ewww.”
This is why I had kids. So I could torment them with hugs and kisses.
**On a side note, as I was writing this post I hollered out to Lee, “What’s another word for torture?” To which he responded, “marriage?” Ha ha. He’s such a funny guy. I’m sure he’ll see the real humor in that statement when I roll over and show him my back in bed later tonight.**
Speaking of Lee. I spent much of the night playing Kingdom Hearts
So Lee was forced to go upstairs and watch reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
After the kids went to bed and I finished playing my game, I went upstairs to give Lee some attention. He was sitting in the recliner with Justis’ massage pad that not only massages an old man’s muscles, but also has speakers so his hard-of-hearing ears can hear the sound on his laptop. I leaned over the back of the chair to give him a kiss. He pulled his head back and slammed the back of his head in to one of the speakers. I leaned in to rub his head like a good loving wife just as he was reaching up to adjust the speakers. You guessed it. He poked me right in the eye.
Who knew trying to give my family some love could be so dangerous?
In other news, Justis is home from his summer visit with his mom. He was greatly missed this summer. How do I know? Because every day for the last week the kids have asked me, “How many days until Justis comes home?” Finally the wait is over.
Boating without ever leaving the dock
Jul 29, 2007 A day in our life
Some friends from out of town came to visit this weekend. They live in Arizona and I guess they were really missing the unbearable humidity we have in this part of the country. I know how sad it can be to be without the humid air that turns ones hair in to a gigantic poodle sitting right on top of your head.
With Justis still visiting his mom for the summer and Keaton staying with my mom for two weeks, we’re missing our in-house babysitters. So Lee went out without me on Friday night.
But today we got my grandma to babysit so we could go out on a pontoon on the river. Or at least that was the plan.
After we dropped the kids off we met our friends at a local bar. That was the meeting place until we all caravaned down to the river. Only when we got to the bar we discovered the owner of said pontoon couldn’t find the keys. So we hung out at the bar for a while, catching up and examining pictures of each other kids. You know, stuff old people do when they get together.
Finally somebody came up with a suggestion. We don’t need no stickin’ keys. We can all just pile on the boat even if it’s not moving. The goal was really to just gab and drink anyway.
So there we were. Twelve adults. Sitting on a pontoon with coolers of beer [and water and soda for Lee and I]. Not leaving the dock. Now that was quite a sight.
Luckily the owner of the pontoon [who is the friend of our friend's sister -- did you follow that? -- and I have no idea what her name is] found the keys. Apparently in her truck. [Although there is some suspicion that she knew where the keys were the whole time but didn't want to follow through on taking a bunch of drunk people out on the river. Do you blame her?] But by the time she found the keys Lee had to leave for softball. So we never did get to cruise around the river. We just got to wave good-bye as our friends finally got to drive off in the boat.
But we had fun partying at the dock. We’re so easily amused.
