Do stay-at-home moms need a full-time nanny?
I’m having a stressful week. First there was Skyler’s new do, that she cut herself. Then I got some sort of stomach virus yesterday that was really no fun. And today I got in to a screaming match with Justis. Yes I know screaming at your teenager gets you nowhere. But sometimes it’s just so hard to keep being the adult when your teenager is rolling their eyes at you and calling you stupid.
So I’m worn out and already thinking about going to bed. And it’s not even 10:30. That’s really early for me.
But there are only three days of NaBloPoMo left and I refuse to give up now. So I turned to my trusty Parenting magazine for inspiration.
This month’s Mom Debate is “Is it okay for a stay-at-home mom to also have a full-time nanny or use daycare?”
I’m not a stay-at-home mom. My stay-at-home mom experiences were limited to 12 [exhausting] weekly periods after the birth of each of my babies. When Skyler & Spencer were born Keaton was in kindergarten so that worked out nicely…especially since there was two of them and Skyler was colicky. When Caleb was born I kept Skyler & Spencer home with me. I was the breadwinner and didn’t want to spend the daycare expense when I was only getting 66 2/3 of my pay. So in more than thirteen years, I’ve had around 24 weeks of stay-at-home mom experiences. That hardly makes me an expert on the matter.
And yet I still have opinions.
Surprisingly [at least to me] 57% of the 1500 respondents said “Yes, it is okay for a stay-at-home mom to also have a full-time nanny or use daycare.” Really? A full-time nanny?
One respondent said, “I don’t begrudge anyone who has help in the home so they can spend a few hours a week doing something nice for themselves.” And I’m with her. Moms need to take care of themselves or they will never have the energy to take care of their family or their homes. But a few hours a week doesn’t require a full-time nanny. Get a sitter for an hour or two a day to go to yoga or the local coffee shop or just to go shopping on your own without the pitter patter of little feet running like crazy people all over the store. Put the kids in preschool or part-time daycare so you can take care of your needs. But full-time?
Another respondent said “As a mom of two, I have a full-time nanny, and I take advantage of the free time to cook fresh, healthy meals for us.” It takes you 40 hours to cook fresh, healthy meals? What the heck are you making? I would guess, even Rachel Ray doesn’t spend 40 hours a week making fresh, healthy meals. Heck, I make fresh, healthy meals a couple times a week and I have five kids, work full-time outside the home and go to college.
If I worked from home full-time then I would likely hire a full-time nanny. Outside of that I’m not really following why a stay-at-home mom would need a full-time nanny. I thought the point of staying home was to spend time with your children; to be their teacher and their caregiver. If you have a full-time nanny doing that job then what’s your role? Apparently it’s cooking 40 hours worth of fresh, healthy meals. If you are doing that then why can’t the kids help you cook those fresh, healthy meals? Kids, boys and girls alike, love to help out in the kitchen.
I just don’t get it. If you’re one of those 57%, please educate me. [But in a nice, bunnies are cute kind of way because I'm having a stressful week and you don't want to make me cry, do you?]
I’m with you…sorry, but my job as a mom is to take care of my kids. If I am a SAHM (which I’ve never gotten to be, I’m ALSO the breadwinner for my family and have had to work full time all my adult life), then my job is to care for my kids. I cook “healthy” meals five or six days a week in my house and I work 50+ hours at a day job and my kids range from 5 to 17 with all that that entails. I also do all the grocery and sundry shopping, all the laundry, all the bill-paying, all the homeschooling (yes, we do that too!!), and still manage to not need a nanny.
Now you know why I don’t read Parents magazine, although it is delivered free to my mailbox every month. It goes straight in the trash, and ergo, my blood pressure stays low. I don’t know about all the things I “should” be doing with my kids, all the money I “should” be spending, etc. I don’t need the extra stress, I can tell you!
Yeah, I don’t get it either. The thought of hiring a nanny or sending my kids to daycare while I am a SAHM has never crossed my mind. Even though I am working from home now, I’m still the one who takes care of Bridget. I may not get all the work done that I want (or even need) to, but I’ll be darned if the money I earn is gonna go to someone else’s bank account.
I am a full time mom. I don’t quite get it either.
I would get a part time nanny or occasional babysitter. But really all I want for help is someone else to cook and clean. I can do the parenting myself.
I’m with you on this one too. My husband and I had kids for us to raise not others. I work from home and am able to adjust my hours around the kids. It’s not to say that I don’t always have laundry to do, but that stuff can be put on the back burner for a little while. It’s great if people are finacially able to hire someone to help out, but I would rather spend that money on doing fun things with my kids. Many parents don’t have the opportunity to stay home, so if you are able to what’s the point if you hire someone to do your “stay at home part”.
I read today Kevin Federline is asking the judge to up Britney Spears’ child support payments, because the 15k a month he’s getting now is not enough to pay for security and round the clock nannies. Why does a guy with no job need nannies?? I thought that’s what this post would be about! LOL..Regardless, same deal. A few hours a week I understand, full time is just insane.
Sara
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i’m a full time mom…i’ve been for almost 12 years. and…i don’t get why these women need nanny’s and au pairs. to me, if you are going to have kids and not work…then spend time with the kids…you’ll have plenty of time to work out, go shopping and go to spas…when they are in school!
i can understand a baby sitter…i could use one, myself…a couple of hours a week…but, full time! no way, i chose to have kids and i choose to raise them! period!
great post!
I am a stay at home mom and I can totally see why someone would want to have a full time nanny or use childcare either on occasion or regularly. I know many stay at home moms who feel the same. Being a stay at home mom isn’t like a 9-5 job. And I have many years under my belt in the outside working world. Taking care of a child is a 24 hour a day job. And no matter how stressful a job you have or how much you are devoted to it–you can NEVER, EVER take a 100% break from being a parent.
As a stay at home mom I hired a Mother’s helper to come in a few times a week and hang out with my 4 month old for about 4 or 5 hours a day just so I could sleep!
Also, being a new mother is very isolating. For those who are okay just socializing with your kids…good for you. But when you become a mom, there isn’t instantly this large group of stay at home moms to connect with. Most are busy with their own kids, or their kids are at different ages, or you just don’t get along with them. It is great is you can be a super mom. But for me personally it always comes down to–taking care of the baby, or cleaning the house. Cooking or ordering something in or making a frozen pizza so I can watch my little guy. Taking a break and getting some much needed rest to be a great mom–or being a complete zombie.
And, it has improved my sex life–I’m a married adult and I enjoy my husband and being married. I don’t believe that marriages have to come to a romantic standstill because of a baby. I love my child more than anything, but if a few hours of uninterrupted sleep during the day helps me to not only be a better mother, but also a better lover, I’m all for it.
Wow, that last comment blows my mind. I am also a married adult woman who enjoys her husband and being married (quite often I would like to add - wink wink) My husband and I both work outside of the home and work together everyday in houshold responsibilities. I don’t get a 4 to 5 hour nap every day. I still have laundry, cleaning and grocery shopping to do in the evenings. I still cook dinner and meal on the weekends, holidays, and thankfully many work from home and vacation days.
Staying home with our kids (ranging from 1-12 - there are 4 total) is challenging. Some days it is harder than being in the corporate world. I see no issues with daycare a few hours a week, preschool or play groups. But to take a nap or have some husband time. I don’t know about you but my kids are in bed by 8:30 pm. My husband and I go on dates (even if that is having the kids go to their grandparents house and we stay home) My 1 year old loves to dust things when I clean. He likes to play with pots and pans when I cook. My older kids can help with cleaning as their chores and can actually help me cook. Take a break for sure, but every day full time…..wow….
D-
I understand where you are coming from. I think the issue is more with moms who hire more full time nannies not occassional babysitters. I’m all for someone hiring a sitter from time to time to get a break, but I don’t think people are unable to get things done just because they have a child. I’d rather hire someone to clean my house then watch my kids so I have to clean my house. Being a sahm isn’t for everyone. If it isn’t then people should say it isn’t rather then blaming the child for why things can’t get done. If you tackle one small thing every day then there’s no reason the bulk of your list can’t get done. If I can manage to go food shopping with 2 wild kids and be there and home in 1 hr. and 10 mins with a full cart I think others can do because I am far from being the most organized. If people do some common sense things like take a list in order of the isles (food store provide this index card for free), take snacks, give your child their own list of items to look for, it’s a piece of cake.
I agree with you that having kid doesn’t mean your marriage is on hold. I am a wahm and have two kids that I take to and from school so I am always on the go, but my husband and I always make time for one another. If anything our marriage has grown stronger over the years.
I wanted to let you know that there are playgroups organizations world wide where you can meet other moms with kids the exact same age as yours. I joined two playgroups when my oldest was 8 months old and it really helped for she was a clingy baby. Some organizations charge a small yearly fee (my one group was $32/year to cover their newsletters and misc. activities). Some great places to look are your peds. office, local newspapers, and churches. There are also great websites that you can meet great new friends. I have been close friends with a group of women for 6 years. Some I have met in person since we live all over and one I see every summer. Being a new mom doesn’t have to be isolating, you just need to look and you’ll find lots of other mom’s in the same situation as you looking for other new moms to get together with.