Comments on: Do stay-at-home moms need a full-time nanny?

By: AGinNYC

AGinNYC — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 06:46:14 +0000

I am assuming a lot of these comments are from suburban or rural moms whose husbands are 9-5ers. My husband and I live in NYC and he is has a business which requires him to travel around the globe. He travels about 15 days out of the month and the 15 days he is home he works in the city and has 2-3 late business dinners a week. Many of my friends here in the city have similar situations. My daughter and I accompany him on many trips so we can spend time together. I am now expecting again now and although I am a SAHM we have full time help. I am still the one that is responsible for 75 percent of my childs care, but the 25 percent that I can get help with I welcome with open arms. I venture to guess most if not all of these SAHM on this blog have no idea the sacrifices and work that goes into my and my friends marriages and families. I travel on occasion to visit a friend of mine who stays at home with her two children in the burbs and whos husband works a normal job, and while she is quick to jab me over my “luxuries”, I notice her children spend a large amount of time plunked in front of a tv or placed in the same living room all winter with the same toys while she is busy cleaning, cooking or catching up on e-mails. It really seems more about the ego of the mother in a lot of these instances…Just because your doing it all doesn’t mean your doing it well.

By: Casey

Casey — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 18:14:40 +0000

Thank you!!!! Finally, a woman that agrees with me! I get so tired of seeing women that do not work, but still have their children taken care of by someone else. Yes, if you want to have a sitter come over while you get some things done that are difficult to do when you’ve got to handle your kids, that’s fine. I wish I could do something like that. Fortunately, I have a wonderful mother that is happy to take my son anytime I’ve got a meeting or need to run a quick errand and can’t take him with me. I’m actually watching an episode of Wife Swap right now with a woman that has three children, four nannies, and spends the entire day (from the time she wakes until she goes to bed) without her children, pampering herself. Why did these people have children?! What a disservice they are doing to those babies. They will never be able to believe their parents love them, and why should they? You make HUGE sacrifices for your children. Why shouldn’t we? Our parents did just that for us. All our parents ever asked of us was to do the same for our own children someday. I work three jobs from home, take care of my son 24/7, cook supper, keep the house (as much as I’m able), and take care of the finances. I’ve not had time for myself since I had my son. But, you know what? I’m OK with that. I don’t regret a single moment that I’ve spent with my little man. Life is fleeting, so we must embrace it while it is still here. I firmly believe that if you have children, you take on the responsibility of giving those children your attention, touch, love, and affection. You shouldn’t pay someone else to do it more than you do it yourself. Daycares and nannies are a means to help you balance your duties – not to take them on and leave you to only “deal” with your children a few hours out of the day.

Just my opinion, but I can tell you that my son is a far happier child than other children in my family whose moms aren’t around them by choice.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:24:39 +0000

I wouldn’t judge anyone who says they desire or even need a full-time nanny if they stay at home. First of all, even they are technically a SAHM, you don’t know if that means that they might be very involved or dedicated to activities taht might take them out of the home on a regular basis. Maybe those activities are crucial to their well-being, and if the SAHM is in agreement with her husband to use a full-time nanny, then by all means, I don’t see anything wrong with that.

The SAHM could have a young toddler and be terribly ill with morning sickness while pregnant with another one. Maybe she feels like she can’t give all the energy she wants to the child. It doesn’t mean she is any less involved. In fact, it is better for the child that someone can give them their full attention and energy at one time than a mommy who is drained and distracted all the time. If you can afford the help, then I don’t see any problem with having a full-time nanny.

Maybe the SAHM wants to transition into going back to work part-time. Anyone with kids knows that staying at home is all-encompassing. There wouldn’t even be hardly any time to revise a resume or network. Even more so, many people are raising families where other family members like grandparents or aunts and uncles are nowhere nearby, so there are no natural babysitters.

In any case, you should never judge someone’s parenting style if you don’t really know what’s going on. Everybody has different personal goals and aspirations for themselves and their families, as well as different budgets and lifestyles.

By: Anna

Anna — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 23:05:39 +0000

What makes one person an expert on someone else’s life? There are a myriad of things you can judge a person on – especially mother’s. It could be working outside the home, not working outside the home; homeschooling, public school, private school, etc. But really, is it my place to judge another’s decision on how they choose to run their family? I haven’t walked in their shoes. Every individual is different, every child is different. What one person is able to handle, another may not be. I don’t understand why people feel they have the right to impose their views on anyone else. If a stay at home mother has a full time nanny I don’t see how it is anyone else’s concern.
I am a stay at home mom and haven’t had a babysitter since my son was born. We don’t live near family and I don’t know anyone in the city we just moved to. The most my son has been away from me is a few hours when we happen to be visiting family or on Sundays in the church nursery. That’s my life. I’m not going to begrudge someone for hiring a nanny and taking some time to themselves. I also don’t judge working mother’s who choose to put their children in daycare. It is their decision and no one else’s and it’s no one’s business but theirs.

By: Crys

Crys — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:02:54 +0000

For the most part, I don’t get the need for a SAHM to have a FT nanny. But of course, there are so many exceptions (as Meredith listed above — special needs child, workaholic husband, multiple children), that it would be unfair to make a global statement that FT help is universally excessive. I think it really depends on the family situation.
The woman who says she uses a FT nanny so she can cook nutritious meals (isn’t that what Whole Foods is for?) sounds like she is grasping at straws to justify this luxury (which it is). And she’s someone I wouldn’t really consider to be a SAHM. She’s a stay-at-home wife/chef.
Another way I look at it is that some people just can’t handle a lot of work or stress. These are the women who need a lot of extra help in the face of only a small challenge (i.e. the ones with one non-handicapped kid who get a FT nanny). Then there are the awesome super-SAHMS who do it all themselves (cook, clean, care for babies) and in my opinion, are far superior to the rest of us.

By: Meredith

Meredith — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 12:53:49 +0000

The only time a full-time (40+ hours) nanny is acceptable is if one of the following applies: you have 3 or more kids, you are a single mom, you have a husband that is never around because of work, the first couple of months when your baby is not sleeping (temporarily), or you have a special needs child. Otherwise, part-time help is really all that a stay at home mom should get in order to have a break every day and run errands. The problem is the attitude many of these moms with full time nannies have. Many probably thought that having a kid was their ticket to not working. Then they realized how much work it really is, so got full time help. I personally think it’s an insult to call these women Stay at home moms to the women that really do stay at home without help. I personally work full-time and have a wonderful full time nanny for my two year old. I do everything on the weekends for my daughter. However, I took a week off from work once and got to see what it was like to have a full time nanny and not work. Let me tell you it was a life of leisure for one week. It was fantastic. However, I felt guilty so I let my nanny off early and used the extra time to spend with my child, but I didn’t have to wash bottles or do laundry.
I have a relative who really is Mrs. X from the nanny diaries. She doesn’t work, and her nanny works 50+ hours a week starting from the time she had only one child This is all so she can shop and socialize. She doesn’t even cook, clean, or volunteer. She didn’t even breastfeed her two children. She talks about how having a child was traumatic for her. She is also on her fifth or sixth nanny. She obviously has no perspective. It’s really hard to respect these type of women as mothers and human-beings.

By: Liz

Liz — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:33:37 +0000

I’ll also add that we don’t use the daycare at all between the months of May and September, when the weather is nice…

By: Liz

Liz — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 18:25:05 +0000

I am a full time mom with daycare for my infant. I pay for the daycare everyday, just to have it there when I need it. I love the structure and consistency of it. As a mom of three, with a husband who works about 70 hours per week, I welcome the support of a loving child development professional. She has a masters degree in early childhood and shares her wisdom with me and helps my baby in so many ways. Even though the daycare is available for most of the day, I choose to spend much of that time with my baby at home. I like to keep things flexible , as we have tons of things going on that are not age appropriate for a baby and her important sleeping/eating schedule. On an average day I get my nine and seven year old boys ready for school and they leave at about 7:30 to catch their ride. I have alone time with my baby for a couple of hours, usually until about 9:00 or 9:30. Then I pack her up and take her to the AWESOME daycare. Next I go to the gym and run whatever errands I need to run for the day, such as volunteer at my older kids school,grocery shopping, get oil changes, doctors appointments, have lunch with a friend, home improvements, etc. The care that my precious daughter receives at her daycare is much better that the care I could provide while doing all of these things. She would basically be strapped down in her car seat with a binky stuck in her mouth to keep quiet. Instead she is lovingly held and read to. She can babble as much as she wants to and loves looking around at the age appropriate surroundings. She is learning baby sign language and is able to follow her own sleeping/eating schedule, while I’m running all over. As soon as I finish my errands, I go pick her up, usually at about 3:00 or 3:30, so we have about another hour or so alone together before her big brothers get home from school. THen we have dinner together, play do home work, etc. It works really well for me. I feel very bonded to my children and less resentful of having my husband stuck at work completing his required billable hours. A happy, peaceful mom makes for happy peaceful kids all late afternoon and evening. Stretching the mom too thinly doesn’t help anyone. Most daycare centers don’t offer a part time care each day and so you have to pay for the whole day,even though many moms don’t use all that they’ve paid for. It’s a little on the expensive side, but it’s worth the flexablity and consistent schedule it provides us. It’s very comforting to me to know that I consistently have it there and that I don’t have to worry about separation anxiety with all different babysitters. I like that at the center she has one low ratio care AND that she has lots of eyes on her so I know exactly what is going on there. They record everything she eats, what she does, when she sleeps and she come home with adorable projects and fun stuff. If I were a little baby I would much rather go there to play, while my mom ran boring errands, than get stuck in my car seat for hours on end. And at any time, when needed, I don’t hesistate to stay home all day for a mommy daughter pajama day and skip daycare. We skip it about once a week or so. I just like having it there as a safe, familiar, fun option whenever I need it.

By: lisa

lisa — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 19:35:12 +0000

I’m a full time at home mom and get the desire for a full time nanny. The moms I know who are at home with a nanny are very involved with the children. BUT they can get out of the house with two when one is napping, have somebody run the errands while they go to the park with the kids… and get a break, too, without having to pop in a video (those who I know who can afford a full time nanny have husbands who work crazy, crazy hours, weekends included).

By: Kevin

Kevin — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 08:15:32 +0000

I can understand calling a baby sitter so you can have some alone time with your hubby but a full-time nanny... That defeats the point of a stay at home mom. Kevins last blog post..Kevin Federline Insider Interview About Britney Spears Divorce