Next thing you know I’ll be giving him razor blades to play with
About a week ago we took Skyler, Spencer and Caleb out to dinner to a steak restaurant. About 20 minutes after we were seated Caleb announced he had to go to the bathroom. Like many six-year-olds he typically has to go the bathroom several times during the course of a meal out in public. Getting up to take him to the restroom five times in just an hour or two gets kind of old. So instead of walking him to the bathroom, Lee pointed out where the bathroom was and let Caleb go by himself. The restaurant was busy, but we could see the restroom door clearly from where we were sitting.
As Caleb got up and ran off to the bathroom, the old lady sitting across from us mumbled something to Lee.
Lee asked, “What?”
Nosy old lady said, “I wouldn’t let a child that young go to the bathroom by himeself.”
Lee didn’t really know what to say so he just kind of laughed it off.
The nosy old lady wasn’t ok with that. She continued, “I’m serious. He shouldn’t go by himself.”
So Lee got up and went after Caleb just to satisfy this nosy old lady.
I didn’t hear the whole exchange so when Lee and Caleb got back I asked him what she had said to him. He told me and he said, “I should have told her not to worry because he’s not our kid. We’re just babysitting so we don’t really care.” I’m sure she would have dialed DHS right there at the table with her cell phone if he had actually said that.
What has the world come to that we can’t let our six-year-old go to the bathroom by himself? It’s not like we let him find his way home in New York City.
Speaking of leaving a kid alone in NYC, my mom lived in Jersey for several years. She worked with quite a few people who lived around the city (the Manhattan area). They talked about their kids taking the train and riding the bus in to city by themselves all the time. It didn’t seem like it was anything unusual. But now, twenty years later when the city is supposedly safer, letting a child ride the bus home alone makes you the worst mother of the year. Umm…ok.
We’ve gotten so over-protective. [Me included in most cases.] In our quest to keep our kids safe we’ve made them total wusses. Parents are now calling college professors when their child gets a bad grade. Or doing their homework for their kid because he procrastinated and they don’t want him to fail. Parents are calling their friend’s parents to complain about their child being excluded from their party. It’s gotten out of hand. How do we expect dependent kids to become independent adults? Do you really want to still be making doctor’s appointments for your 22-year-old? Wouldn’t you rather he learn to take care of himself?
It’s terrifying to let our kids out of our sight. But we have to. Kids need to learn to take care of themselves. They need to learn to make their own decisions. It’s our job to teach them how to be independent. It’s our job to give them the skills to be on their own.
So you can call me a bad mother, but I think my six-year-old is fully capable of making his way to the bathroom across a crowded restaurant all on his own. In fact I think it makes him feel like a big kid to be on his own. It was just a three minute trip to the bathroom and back, but to him it was his chance to be independent. It was his chance to be brave. It was his chance to stop relying on mom and dad and take the plunge in to big boyhood. And, even though I still (to this day) call him “baby” he is really a big kid learning the lessons he’ll need for the future. And I’m not going to deny him that.
I totally agree. We do need to foster an independence. My wife is concerned about letting our kids walk to school when they go to elementary school but I think that’s one of the best ways to instill independence. Besides, 90% of all child abductions and molestations are from people they know. And abductions are actually down from when we were kids - there’s just more media coverage.
Matthew’s last blog post..Birthday Party, Go… Go… Go!
You go, girl!! I totally agree (and not just because I am your Mom :-)). I remember growing up and walking to school on my own or with a group of friends from 6 years old and on.
Of course, I did get in trouble the time I let my 4-yr old sister follow me to school - made her sit in the passageway by the playground to wait for us at recess. I did know better than to take her into the building - teachers wouldn’t have liked that! Mom got a bit upset when she couldn’t find her - and drove around until she spotted her. I was slightly troubled at recess when she wasn’t there, but at 6, I had other things to pull my attention
We used to have our kids do a lot more things at younger ages. I used to walk to the bookmobile - it was probably 3/4 of a mile to a mile away once a week in the summer. I think Matthew has a good point about the media coverage - its not that bad things happen more frequently, its that when they do happen there is so much more news coverage. And, when something bad does happen - accidental or malicious - then we look for someone to blame and label. I guess if we can label someone a “bad parent”, then we can believe that bad things won’t happen to us.
What’s the big deal? I mean, if you could see the bathroom from where you were sitting, I’m sure you were watching every Tom, Dick, and Harry that went in there.
I let my kids go to the bathroom on their own, too, provided I can see the door. I give them a specified amount of time to do their business and if they don’t come out, I go in. There have been plenty of times when I’ve opened the door to the men’s restroom and hollered for Jacob to come out, but he’s been going in by himself since he was four.
You’re right. There comes a time when you just need to give them an inch . . .
Lis Garrett’s last blog post..Silver Dollar City
I would tend to agree. I know I gave my older boys that kind of independence at young ages. But if I may play the cautionary devil’s advocate for just a second. There was a case, and I believe it happened in Iowa - locally even, where there was a family gathering at a park and a woman walked her 9 year old nephew to the bathroom. She waited outside while he went in on his own. She noticed a man came out shortly after the boy went it but she didn’t think anything of it. It was a public restroom after all. After about 15 minutes, she began calling the boy’s name and after no answer, went in to check on him. That man that had been in the bathroom had slit the boy’s throat and he was lying there bleeding to death.
Obviously, the odds of someone lurking in a restaurant bathroom are much less - which just means to pick the times and situations you allow some independence, yet always remain cautious (which I KNOW you are).
Lori’s last blog post..you just might starve…
Ew! Stories like that just sicken me. I wouldn’t wait 15 minutes for my child to come out; that’s WAY too long. I give Jacob 60-90 seconds, and then I’m banging down the door. But who’s to say there’s not someone lurking in the restroom to slit a child’s throat within the first 30 seconds? HORRIBLE!
Lis Garrett’s last blog post..Silver Dollar City
Wow! I dont know what to say now! I agree with Christines mom. We are way too protective over our kids these days. Like Jeff Foxworthy said… “we had a huge tv sitting on a tv tray…and my dad said, let the boy pull it over on himself. He’ll learn!” lol, while thats not something I would let my child learn the hard way, I do agree with the concept. Our children are wusses these days.
And how ghastly, that boy in the restroom… Makes one wonder just what the man was thinking? Why kill a child like that? Or anyone…. but a child?