The Bean Blog

Hatin’ Halloween

Oct 21, 2008 In the holiday spirit

It’s no secret I’m no fan of Halloween. I don’t see the point. It’s no longer a religious holiday. Now it’s just a day where you spend ridiculous amounts of money on an outfit you’ll wear one day a year just so you can beg strangers for candy.

Every year I say we will just make some cheap costumes for the kids and call it a day. And every year I find myself at the soul stealing Halloween Express throwing down $200 on Power Ranger or Ninja Turtle costumes. I’m such a sucker.

This year was no different. I tried to talk Skyler in to being a ballerina and Spencer and Caleb in to being soccer players, but they weren’t going for it. Instead I found myself paying $50 a costumer for Elizabeth from the Pirates of the Caribbean, the *new* Green Goblin and some scary I don’t know what, but his eyes light up as soon as I put a battery in the mask. I really need to grow some balls and learn to say no to these kids.

Then there’s this pumpkin carving. Why? Yanking the guts out of the pumpkin is disgusting. I find myself pulling pumpkin strings out of crevices that should never see pumpkin guts for weeks on end. And the kids want these really cool designs that require lots of poking and intricate cutting until your fingers literally fall of your hands in protest. It takes three hours to carve these stupid things and three days later they are a pile of rotten pumpkin mush I have to try to avoid while carrying six bags of groceries in to the house. [Who am I kidding? I never carry in six bags of groceries. Lee does the grocery shopping. I do have to try to avoid them when I get the mail.]

And don’t even get me started on haunted houses. I don’t need to pay somebody $40 to try to scare the bejeebers out of me at some haunted house. I have a mirror. I see myself in the mirror pre-shower each morning. I’m a mother. I’ve seen things in diapers no human should ever be subjected to. No guy in a Freddie costume is going to be worse than that.

And then there’s the candy. Every year we try to hide the candy so we can give it out in small doses. And every year the kids find said candy and eat half the bucket before we realize our secret hiding place has been compromised. And every year I swear we will never trick-or-treat again.

And yet, here we are.

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Tags: candy, costumes, Halloween, haunted house