Breaking up is hard to do

You know the saying, “Boys come and go, but friends are forever?” Well what if they aren’t for forever?

I’m not the same person I was in the third grade. Or even in high school. Somewhere along the way I grew up, stopped making fun of people, gossiping behind other’s backs and caring what I wore or looked like. [Which is obvious by the fact that my outfit of choice is now a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt and I have been known to venture out in public with no makeup on. *gasp*]

And ten years ago I outgrew my best friend.

It started with a candle party. She hosted a party at her house. And my aunt was the consultant. Of course, my aunt asked me why I wasn’t there. I didn’t even know old friend was having a party.

So I sent her an email and asked her why? I thought my note was nice. I just said something like, “Lisa told me you had a candle party. I was just wondering why I wasn’t invited.” Simple enough. After all I don’t think it’s too much a stretch to expect that one of your best friend’s would invite you to her candle party. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it was a sign that maybe something was wrong.

What I got back was a novel of a bitchy email where she essentially said, “I can invite whoever I want and I didn’t invite you because you are a bitch who never thanked me for sending Keaton a card for his birthday. You’re a shitty friend. Oh and your husband sucks.” Of course, I’m paraphrasing but that was the jist of it.

I was shocked. After high school we had gone our own ways and weren’t very good about keeping in touch, but in the last year we had started to reconnect. And up until her nasty email I had no idea we had any issues. I was completely thrown off guard.

We went back and forth on email a few times where we got increasingly more critical of each other. Here we were almost 25-years-old and still having a juvenile cat fight. Here we were supposedly adults, but instead of talking about the issues, she was instead ignoring me until I had to confront her. And I was fighting back like a child.

The fact of the matter was we were two different people. We had different interest. We had different morals. We grew apart a long time before the candle party/email bitch fight, but were too immature to admit it.

For some reason we often think once we become friends with somebody we have to always be friends. At least until that friend does something big like sleep with your boyfriend or steal from you. You were best friends in high school. Inseparable. When you lost your virginity she was the first person you told. When you had a crush on the cute boy in your chemistry class she was the one who helped you plan how to “accidentally” run in to him in the halls. You spent every waking hour together. And when you weren’t together you wrote each other notes to keep each other informed. Plus she knows enough to blackmail you.

But the fact of the matter is we change. We grow up. And sometimes we outgrow our friends (or they outgrow us, whatever). You know it. She knows it. But neither of you wants to be the first to say it because your worried you’ll hurt each others feelings. You should be able to say, “You know what. We’re different people. We want different things. It’s not you. It’s me. We should just cut our losses and go our separate ways.” But we don’t.

I have a childhood friend who I no longer have anything in common with. We had a great time when we were playing with Barbies or a game of Hide and Seek 25 year ago, but now? Not so much. We are MySpace friends, talk on IM occasionally and sometimes send jokes on email, but I usually struggle to find something to talk to her about. We live in completely different worlds. I’ve gotten to the point where I ignore her on IM. I’ve turned in to a shitty friend. I know I need to just end it. But I’m a huge wimp. And breaking up is hard to do. Relationships are just so much work.

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