How to completely beat your employees down until they would rather stick hot pokers in their eyes than get up for work

1. IM them and tell them to call you.
2. When they ask for your number refuse to give it to them and tell them “you should know that by now.”
3. If they don’t answer your message, IM their co-workers to see where they’re at. God forbid they need to visit the restroom.
4. Don’t try to fix errors. Instead point fingers and berate anybody who made an innocent mistake.
5. When they come to you with a question, don’t only NOT answer the question, but completely take over the project.
6. And then when you’ve taken over the whole project, complain to said employee about how damn busy you are.
7. Send them call information mere minutes before the call and then berate them when they don’t attend the call.
8. When they tell you they will be out for an hour for an appointment don’t get all up in their business. “Are you feeling ok?” “What kind of appointment?”
9. Tell them everything last detail about your personal life. Unless we are friends who share beers during happy hour on Fridays I do not give two squats of shit what your daughter’s boyfriend does for a living or that her unmarried friend is pregnant.
10. Keep them on a short leash and give them no authority to make any big decisions.
11. And then when they come to you because they can’t make the big decision, again tell them how busy you are.
12. Lie to them. I so love it when my teenagers lie to me. Why not my boss to.
13. When they write you a two page email outlining all of their accomplishments for the last couple of years and ask for a raise since you did promise “a lot of room for growth” when you offered them the job with no pay increase tell them, “all good things come to those who wait.” ‘Cause when you haven’t had a significant pay increase in more than three years what you really want to hear is “all good things come to those who wait.”
14. Make sure you always have the last word. Even when your wrong. Actually, especially when you’re wrong.

Man, I can’t wait for vacation.

Related posts:

1. The cure for road rage is steaming hot water Like every

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.