Living in the spotlight

When I was just 19 I found myself sitting nervously in a small room at the local Planned Parenthood office. Just minutes before I had peed on a stick and was [im]patiently waiting for the counselor to tell me whether or not I was pregnant. I hadn’t told anybody, not even Lee, that I suspected I might be pregnant. I was hoping I was wrong. But I was pretty sure I wasn’t. I could have created calendars with my period it was so regular. But this month it was several days late. Maybe I was just under stress I thought. Maybe I was partying to much. Maybe it had come and I just don’t remember it. Yeah right.

A few minutes later the counselor walked in to the office. I could tell by the sympathetic look on her face that she was not about to give me good news. The test was positive. I was pregnant.

Lee and I had only known each other for about six months; had only been dating for around 5. We barely knew each other. We certainly had no business having a baby.

I drove over to my dad’s house first. I couldn’t even get the words out. I just handed him the paper they had given me at Planned Parenthood. The paper that stated I had a positive pregnancy test. And then I burst in to tears.

After my dad had calmed me down he told me I needed to go tell Lee. I didn’t want to tell Lee. Telling your very short-term boyfriend that you’re pregnant really puts a damper on a relationship. He already had one kid. He definitely would not be thrilled to be a daddy a second time shortly after his 24th birthday.

When I told Lee I was pregnant I blurted, “…you don’t have to do anything. You don’t even have to be a part of this baby’s life. I can do it all on my own.” And Lee decided that would be a good idea. By the end of our discussion I was throwing things at him and calling him every dirty name in the book as he walked out the door. In other words, it didn’t go well.

Lee and I broke up. During my pregnancy we sometimes talked, rarely cordially. And by the end of my pregnancy we were barely speaking. He did come to the hospital after Keaton was born, but he wasn’t there for the delivery.

We didn’t start speaking to each other without curse words and threats until Keaton was around nine months old. Around Keaton’s first birthday we had gotten back together. A few months later we actually got engaged (although we didn’t get married for another four years).

But we aren’t the norm.

When Sarah Palin admitted her 17-year-old daughter was pregnant, BUT was going to marry the father, I was worried Bristol was being forced in to marriage just because (1) she was pregnant and (2) her mother was gunning for the Oval Office. But I had high hopes. Bristol and Levi had been dating much longer than many teen couples so I hoped for the best.

But being in a teen relationship is hard enough without the extra stress of a baby. The reality is that most teen relationships don’t survive a pregnancy. In fact 8 out of 10 teen fathers never marry their child’s mother. And, unfortunately, Bristol and Levi’s relationship didn’t survive the arrival of their new little one.

It’s been more than 14 years, but I still remember the heartbreak of being alone; a teenage single mom. I remember how difficult it was to have to do it all on my own. I could barely take care of myself. I had only gotten my first job after I dropped out of college…just a year before Keaton was born. I hardly knew how to pay bills, stick to a budget, and balance my checkbook. And then I was dealing with the added expense of diapers, formula, and daycare.

But ate least I got to stumble through it in private. Bristol gets to do it on the front page of Fox News and USA Today. I feel so bad for her.

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