Thursday night Skyler, Spencer and Caleb were sitting at the kitchen table filling out their valentine’s for their Valentine’s Day parties on Friday. They would have done their valentine’s sooner, but I didn’t buy them until around 7pm Thursday night. You know me and my habit of procrastination.

So anyway, they were sitting at the kitchen table filling out their valentine’s and I was making myself some Kraft Shells and Cheese (’cause yum!) when a conversation ensued. A conversation that started out as an innocent talk about twins and ended with an explanation of vasectomies, sex and periods. [I'm telling you. There is a never a dull moment in the Bean household.]

Caleb was filling out a card for Spencer, a kid in his class, when it dawned on him that Spencer, a kid in his class, has the same name as Spencer, his brother. He said, “Spencer, Spencer in my class likes football too. You could be twins. ‘Cause you’re identical.” This led in to a discussion about what it meant to be an identical twin and a fraternal twin.

And then somebody asked, “Are you going to have any more babies?”

I said, “No. We’re done having babies. We’re happy with our family just the way we are. You guys are all we need.”

Spencer begged, “But can’t we have just one more baby?”

“We can’t because Dad had a vasectomy,” I blurted out before I realized just how tricky that statement would be.

“What’s a vestomy?” asked Caleb.

I paused for a second and let out a nervous giggle. “A vasectomy? That’s when they cut a little tube in daddy’s private parts so daddy can’t make babies anymore.”

“Why does that mean he can’t make babies,” Caleb questioned.

“Well,” I stumbled, “it means the semen can’t get out to fertilize the egg. Do you know what semen is?”

Three sets of eyes stared blankly back at me so I continued, “Well a woman has ovaries and each month those ovaries produce an egg that goes down the fallopian tubes in to her uterus. When she has sex with her husband he releases semen that swims up and fertilizes that egg. If the egg gets fertilized then it grows in to a baby. If it doesn’t get fertilize then a woman has her period. Do you know what a period is?”

With a look of disgust on his face, Spencer said, “Yeah, it’s when she bleeds from her private parts.”

“Something like that,” I responded.

Caleb piped in, “Mom, you said some bad words.”

“What words were those,” I asked.

“S-E-X,” Caleb spelled.

“Sex isn’t a bad word. Either is penis or vagina. They are just body parts. When you are talking about your body it’s ok to use those words. Just don’t use them as an insult. Like don’t call somebody a penis,” I informed.

Caleb said, “Yeah, like when somebody says ’suck my dick’ that’s bad.”

“Yes it is. I don’t want to hear that at all,” I said.

We chatted a little more and I asked them them if they had any other questions. Spencer was still stuck on the vasectomy issue.

“But you can still have a baby,” Spencer said.

“I could, but I’d have to have a baby with some other guy and I would never do that,” I said.

Caleb said, “Yeah, cause that’s cheating and that’s bad.”

Skyler chirped in, “Yeah, that’s just rude.”

Spencer said, “Ah man. But I really wanted a little brother.”

“You have a little brother,” I informed him. “You have Caleb.”

“Yeah, but I wanted a baby brother,” he whined.

“Well they don’t stay little forever, you know. We aren’t having anymore. But Keaton and Justis might have a baby in a few years. In 10 years Keaton will be 25. He could get married and have a baby by then. Then you’d be an uncle.”

Then the kids were figuring out how old they would be in 10 years. Skyler & Spencer would be 20. Caleb would be 17.

“By then all of you will be moving out of the house. And I’ll be lonely,” I said.

Caleb said, “I might live with you for a long time.”

Skyler said, “I’m living with you until I find a man.”

Spencer said, “Well…I’ll come visit you.”

It’s these intimate conversations and hard questions I treasure most with my kids. When I was younger I was always so embarrassed whenever my parents would talk to me about sex. I figured it would be hard for me to talk to my own kids about it. But it’s not. I would rather my kids come to me when they have questions so I know they are getting the truth. And I’m glad they feel comfortable enough to ask me the questions that are on their minds. I hope we continue to stay this close as they move in to the teenage years.

It’s winter. There’s snow on the ground. And temps are dipping down in to the, well, under zero. But that doesn’t mean the soccer season is over. It just means soccer moves indoor.

Or so I thought.

Spencer had a soccer tournament today. His first game was at 8:30am. Eight fucking thirty in the morning. I had to set the alarm for 6:30am. Six thirty people. I loath 6:30. No I outright HATE 6:30. I’d like to kick 6:30am right in the privates with a pointy-toed 4″ high heel shoe. So, you know, I was pretty excited about getting up so early.

But I dragged my butt out of bed, threw myself in to the shower, put on my orange and black soccer sweatshirt and tried to conjure up some school spirit anyway.

The tournament was in the Hawkeye’s indoor football practice field (a.k.a. The Bubble). The university’s idea of indoor and my idea of indoor? Completely different.

The Bubble is fenced in. So you have to walk down a very long driveway to get to the door. When we drove out of town today we passed a sign that told us it was -11 degrees outside. So a walk down a long, icy driveway? Not so much fun. As soon as the cold went up my nose I could feel my nose hairs freeze and my throat seize up. I pulled my scarf up and rushed Spencer to the door.

We walked in to The Bubble and the lobby area was packed. We were running late and Spencer’s game was starting in about 10 minutes. So we pushed our way through the crowd, passed through the revolving door, and made our way on to the field. It immediately became abundantly clear why everybody was packed in to the lobby. The lobby was heated. The Bubble? Freezing.

We looked around for Spencer’s team. We made our way over to field 3 where his first game was. On the way there we passed the one and only heater that was working on the field. The heater was so powerful it practically blew me on to one of the fields. There was a crowd of at least 30 people standing in front of it trying to stay warm. They didn’t care that it was blowing them their hair in to their faces and pushing them around. At least it was warmth.

Lee and I watched the game from the sidelines. By the end of the half hour game I could no longer feel my toes. My thighs were burning because they were so cold. My fingers were numb. And my snot was running down my face. I was quite a sight.

We had an hour and a half until Spencer’s next game. So we decided to drive home. Never mind that home was a half hour away. I needed another pair of socks and some long underwear stat.

By the time we got back for the second game (again running late) The Bubble had started to warm up. And by “warm up” I mean that I was only shivering enough for my teeth to chatter, but no longer fearing frostbite and hypothermia.

Between the second and third game we headed to the local mall to eat lunch and buy some gloves. I had brought some gloves from home, but they weren’t very warm. I needed a new pair of Isotoners to warm up my fingers in hopes I could bring some color back to them…I mean a color other than blue.

By the third game the temp inside The Bubble was almost bearable. I still had to wear my winter coat, bundle up under my scarf and new gloves, and keep on my second pair of socks and long underwear, but at least I wasn’t shivering anymore.

Before the final game we headed to Starbucks to warm up with a tall Caramel Apple Spice. By this point the outside temp had warmed up to a balmy 3 degrees. And, after running all morning, the heater in The Bubble was finally starting to warm the place up. Spencer even took off his sweatshirt for the final game.

So after 6 1/2 hours and 4 games, Spencer’s team didn’t win a single game and Spencer’s accidentally scored a goal for one of the other teams. But we survived the cold.

Actually, other than that oops goal, Spencer did pretty well. He scored at least 5 or 6 goals for his own team. And he had a lot of fun. In the end that’s all that really matters.

But next year I’m bringing some thermal underwear.

Tonight was the 1st and 2nd grade music program. It was Christmas at Candy Cane Lane. Caleb was a tree. Here’s a pic from the program. That’s the chorus in the background and Caleb with the other trees in the foreground.

Um, yeah. I didn’t get any pics from the program. Why? Because I’m a disorganized basketcase.

I had a meeting for Junior League right after work. Then I rushed home to grab Lee and the kids and run out the door again for the program. As I walked out the door I remembered my camera. Caleb had his first speaking part in a music program. Of course I needed photos of this moment. So I ran back in to grab my D40.

It never even occurred to me to grab the video camera. Wouldn’t the video camera have been more appropriate for a musical in which Caleb has a speaking part? Yeah, but I wasn’t thinking that. But I had my D40.

As we were driving to the school I realized I didn’t bring my zoom lens. I was totally bummed. I knew I wouldn’t get any good shots with a 55mm. But it was too late to go back. I’d just have to make do. That’s what Photoshop is for I reasoned. And at the end of the program I could get closer to the stage for a few shots.

So we got to the school, settled our butts on to the very hard and very uncomfortable bleachers, and waited for the kids to take the stage. As they walked out in their candy cane, elf, soldier, Santa, Mrs. Claus and tree costumes, I realized I should probably set the aperture before they turned the lights down any lower and I could no longer see the dial on the camera.

But the camera wouldn’t turn on. The battery was dead. And I didn’t my spare. I only brought my camera. Not my camera bag.

I was defeated. My camera got the best of me.

Near the end of the program I remembered my point and shoot. The one I always keep in my purse. I could use that to get a few shots on the stage after the show. So as the lights came back on I searched through my purse to find my little pink camera.

But it wasn’t there. Then I remembered I took it out to upload the photos to my computer. And forgot to put it back in my purse.

For the love of God, it’s like the camera gods hate me.

So I didn’t get any video. Or a photo. Or anything from the program. Instead I had to go old school and draw a portrait from memory. That’s some fine artwork up there.

In any event, Caleb did a fabulous job. He makes a pretty good tree if I do say so myself. Way to go Caleb!