I hate to drive. I drive to work and back and that’s about it. Anytime we go somewhere as a family I make Lee drive. Whenever I go out with my friends I try to convince one of them to pick me up. Driving sucks.

So imagine my excitement on the four hour drive to meet my mom in Chicago for our birthday trip to Vega. Four hours in a car. By myself. Good times.

To keep myself entertained I turned the radio up really loud. Thank goodness for XM. I didn’t have to suffer through any static on the trip. Just my kind of music. All the way there.

Lee worries about me when I drive. So to prepare he always makes sure all of the car’s fluids are full (oil, windshield washer fluid, etc) and he fills it up with gas. The tires on my truck need to be replaced so he borrowed some tires from a friend just for my trip. The new tires are a little taller than my old crappy tires. So I spent the whole trip worried I was going to topple over in my SUV like I keep hearing about on the news. Every time I ended up on one of those twisty clover leaf off-ramps I went about 10 miles an hour for fear that I’d turn the truck right over on its side. I’m sure the people behind her were thrilled.

Lee buckled a cooler filled with water in to the passenger seat so I could stay well hydrated. I brought along a few Crystal Light packages to add some flavor. However, it never actually occurred to me to fill the water bottles up before I was driving on the Interstate. At 80 mph. About an hour in to my trip my first water bottle was empty so I grabbed another. For a couple of minutes I tried to decide how to get the Crystal Light in to the bottle while still keeping one hand on the steering wheel. I decided to hold the bottle in between my index finger and thumb while keeping the other three fingers on the steering wheel. Then I’d pour the Crystal Light in with my other hand.

Yeah, that didn’t work so well. Thankfully I didn’t spill water all over myself (which I have totally done before), but I did spill Crystal Light all over my hand. All over the steering wheel. All over my jeans. And then my hand was sticking so I licked the Crystal Light off Crystal Light powder that hasn’t been diluted with water? Not so yummy. I’m just sayin’.

You know it’s summer in the Midwest by the construction on the roads. In the winter we suffer through ginormous pot holes, ice covered blacktop, and piles and piles of snow. In the summer you have to weave your way through construction cones. And this summer was no different.

I hit some construction in Illinois that was particularly crazy. First you had to merge to the left. Then to the right. Then back to the left. It was like bumper cars. With construction cones. And there was no warning. I was behind a semi so I couldn’t see to far in front of me. The cones would just switch to the other side without warning and I’d have to swerve to avoid them. Nothing like a little roller coater ride when I’m already nervous.

Because I was drinking all that water I had to stop at a rest stop. As I was getting out of the truck I ran in to a state trooper. “Good,” I thought. In case there’s any trouble I have a cop to help me out. Except he was this skinny little dude who I probably could have drop kicked, let alone some big, bad criminal.

There was also a lot of emergency phones. And even an emergency button outside the woman’s restroom. Which is nice, but other than my state trooper who just happened to be there, are there cops nearby? How quickly can they respond to these emergency calls? Or are they just there to inform them they need to come pick up my dead body?

As I finished up my business in the bathroom I realized this rest stop was very high tech. I’ve been in stalls with toilets that flush automatically or have a button on the wall to push rather than a lever for flushing.

But the sinks were odd. They were just big, huge basins. And you were supposed to run your hands in front of the sensor to make the water start. Only the sensor was in front and I kept turning the water on by just walking by the basin.

And the soap dispenser practically stumped me. You were supposed to push up on the spout, but you couldn’t actually see the spout. So I was struggling with getting any soap to come out. I was starting to think you had to have a college education just to work the soap. Thankfully I finally figured it out and was able to wash my hands. I wonder if they have cameras in those bathrooms. Watching people trying to figure out the sink could provide for hours of entertainment.

And you’ll be happy to know I got smart and filled up a few bottles with Crystal Light before I got back on the road.

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. I made it to my mom’s. In one piece. Around 9:30. Earlier than she expected me. And I didn’t even speed.

But there was one thing that bothered me in Illinois. There were these billboards with some young guys mug and they said, “I’m doing good.” There was some other, much smaller print on the billboard, but it was so freaking small you can’t read it. I have no idea what these are for. As a marketing student they were really ticking me off. If you’re going to go to the effort of advertising your product or service or whatever the hell you rented a billboard for…make sure people can read it for crying out loud.

If you couldn’t guess by the title, we spent day 5 (our last day at Disney) at Epcot.

The first thing we did was head to Spaceship Earth (or the big golf ball, as Lee likes to refer to it). Spaceship Earth takes you back in time to the cavemen and shows you how communication has evolved over the years from cave drawings to paper and books, radio, motion pictures and television. Near the end you answer a bunch of questions about what is important to you in your future. Skyler and I went healthy with our future. I don’t remember the ride taking our picture and using some mad Photoshop skillz to plaster our heads on cartoons bodies for the future portion. I think that’s a new feature. It sounds totally cheesy, but is really very cool, and hilarious.

After the ride Lee and I were waiting for the rest of our party (who were in the bathroom) when we ran in to a very cheery Disney employee. He said he was some kind of Dreameer or some equally corny job title. This is the Year of Million Dreams (or something like that) and as part of that promotion they randomly hand out free things like fast passes, a free nights stay at Cinderella’s castle, and other way cool prizes. He was one of those people who hands out one of those cool prizes. No, we didn’t win anything. He was just stopping to chat with us and see if we needed any help (since were just standing there). He told us that it (December 5th) was Walt Disney’s birthday. He said, “You’d think on Walt’s birthday we’d do something special. But we aren’t.”

He checked the time and said he had to get going. There were designated places and times for giveaways, but he couldn’t tell us exactly when or where that was. We seriously considered following him around until it was such a time and place, but instead we headed over to Mission: Space.

There are two lines at Mission: Space; a green line for pansies (like my mom…hi mom) who are prone to motion sickness and can’t handle jolts and turns and spinning and an orange line for those who want to feel the whole experience…vomiting and all. We all (except my mom) chose the orange line. It was a pretty cool ride. You feel like you are really inside a space shuttle on a space mission. You even get sucked back in to your chair at takeoff. Totally cool.

Then it was lunch time. Actually it was past lunch time. (Did I mention we never did get up that early any day this whole week? It was vacation. Vacation is meant for sleeping in, right?) So we headed over to the United Kingdom. Later I was thinking we really should have tried out a different world. After all, we ate in the UK last time we were at Epcot. Plus Keaton and I visited London and ate tons of crappy English food (am I just a really picky eater or does the food in London suck?). And my mom lived in London for many years. But we ate in the UK anyway. Although I didn’t really care for the Guinness BBQ sauce on my lamb, the apple crumble desert was very yummy.

We had fast passes for Fast Track so we went there next. I think Fast Track is a fairly new ride. It takes you through some road tests like auto makers do when testing their cars. As riders we played the part of test dummies. I had high hopes for this ride, but was pretty disappointed. We all agreed Fast Track was kind of lame. We needed more twists and turns and a little faster ride. But it was alright.

Next we made our way to the Nemo ride. The Nemo ride itself was ok, but it ends in an aquarium. I LOVE aquariums. So I was like a kid in a candy store. “Look at that fish. Did you see the dolphin? Look over there. Squeeee.”

Then there was the Crush show. You know Crush. The totally rad turtle from Finding Nemo. The Crush show is an interactive show. Crush takes questions from the audience. He even picked Skyler to ask a question. She asked him what his last name is. He said, “Turtle. What’s your last name?” When she said “Young” he told her “well that’s more of a state of being.” That Crush is such a kidder.

Keaton and Justis needed something from Germany to take back to their German class at school for extra credit. So we headed over there to pick something up. We also found a good spot to watch the IllumiNations fireworks show. All of the park have a fireworks show, but I think Epcot has the best one. And this time of year they added a little Peace on Earth theme at the end. Very, very cool.

While those who are not staying in hotels on property had leave, those of us with hotel cards got to enjoy the park for another couple hours. We hiked through the rest of the worlds and over to Honey I Shrunk the Audience. Keaton remembered this show from 10 years ago and was itching to see it again. And it was so much fun. These 3D shows they have at Disney are really a great time. Go see them all.

Next we stood in line for a half hour to ride Soarin’. It’s kind of like watching a movie at the IMAX. Only for Soarin’ you are dangling in the air so you really feel like flying through the mountains and over the ocean. You’re Soarin’ like a bird.

We ended the night with a little education boat ride through the Disney greenhouses where they told us about their new state-of-the-art ways of growing plants…without soil. Caleb picked this ride and as soon as we disembarked he turned to everybody and said, “I told you this ride would rock.” Clearly he’s not above boasting.

We went back to Hollywood Studios today. We just couldn’t get enough on Tuesday and had to come back for more. Actually I didn’t get to the Incredibles on Tuesday and I will not leave Disney until I see them. I mean what’s not to love about a man with a big ‘ol head who wears red tights? Come on.

The second we stepped foot in the park (which wasn’t until 12:30pm) we sent Justis off to the Toy Story Midway Mania ride to get each of us a fast pass. And at 12:30 in the afternoon, practically still morning, they were all sold out. That’s how crazy this ride is. Later when we passed by the ride the wait time was 110 minutes. 110 minutes, people! It’s a fun ride, but 110 minutes? Really?!? I wouldn’t even stand in line for 110 minutes if the line led me straight to Brad Pitt. With no shirt on. (Ok, that’s probably not true.) But I sure as heck won’t stand in line for 110 minutes for the Toy Story ride. It’s a really cool attraction. And we had a lot of fun on it when we stood in line for an hour on Tuesday. But an hour was even pushing it.

So we started the day at the Lights, Motors, Action! stunt show. It rocked. Or as Caleb said as soon as it was over, “that was awesome.” Again, I have many pictues you cannot see yet because I’m too tired to transfer and process them. But I bet the anticipation of my vacation photos is just killing you.

With this stunt we got to see how they film those car chase scenes in those action movies. We got a behind-the-scenes look at all the different cars. Did you know when those cars in James Bond and The Fast and the Furious appear to be driving backwards they actually have the driving turned around? So he’s really driving forward in a backwards car? Pretty cool.

Then we took a Space Tour to the Star Wars universe. That was just my kind of ride. Zooming through space, trying to avoid enemy fire, swerving in and out of space rocks…and all without actually going anywhere. [No big roller coaster drops. Yeah.] But it really is so cool how they can make you feel like you are traveling through space with just a big TV screan and a moving platform. Rock on imagineers.

After the Space Tour we shrunk down to ant size and explored the Honey I Shrunk the Kids playground. I swear there was some kind of 3D show that went along with this big playground 10-years-ago. But there’s not anymore. Keaton and Justis found the playground to be a bit, um, juvenile. So we moved on.

Then we sent the big kids (Justis, Keaton and Lee) off to get fast passes for Aerosmith’s Rock ‘n Roller Coaster while me, mom and the three little kids headed in to The Magic of Disney Animation. We watched a very cute presentation on how the characters are created; from just a thought to many sketches to the final production. But the real reason for our visit was THE INCREDIBLES…and other Disney characters.

We got Frezone, Mr. and Mrs. Incredible, Pinnochio & Gephetto, the Queen of Hearts, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum and then headed over to the characters from Disney’s new movie Bolt. The Bolt line was soooo slow I seriously thought my hair would turn gray and wrinkles would start to form while I was standing there. I don’t know what the deal was. I think some parents were taking multiple pictures and yucking it up with the characters. It’s nice that they want to have a good time, but could they keep that good time to just a couple minutes? Four at most. Geez.

The Rock ‘n Roller Coaster fast passes were all sold out, so the boys go fast passes for the Tower of Terror. And they got me one too. Apparently they thought they could guilt me in to riding that stupid ride. However, I feel no guilt. It does not bother me one bit that they completely wasted that fast pass. I feel quite secure in my wimpism, thank you very much.

Instead my mom and I left the kids to fend off crazy elevators all on their own while we headed over to the Streets of America (where Manhattan connects with San Francisco in a freakishly weird way). They have the streets all lit up for Christmas and the lights dance around to Christmas music. It’s way cool. But if you want to see it you better get their early. I’m pretty sure every single person in the park, along with some people who just came in off the street, were standing in the streets watching the dancing Christmas lights. It was so packed. I just wanted some pictures. And after waiting in the Bolt line for an hour just to get an autograph from a freaking dog, cat and hamster I was in no mood for big crowds. I so didn’t have my happy face on as I trampled over old ladies and small children to get a good vantage point for some photos. And I don’t even feel bad about it.

Today we went to Animal Kingdom. Animal Kingdom was brand new when we visited 10 years ago. And a lot has changed. But a lot stayed the same too. [What?!? I'm a little loopy from being couped up with five kids, one husband and one mother for almost a week.]

The first thing we did when we got to the park was send Lee and most of the boys to Asia (Asia the section of Animal Kingdom, not Asia the continent) to get fast passes for Expedition Everest. According to the nice lady who always pop up on TV every time we turn the TV on in our hotel room, Expedition Everest is one of the top 7 can’t miss things in Disney. And we always listen to our TVs.

Once they got the fast passes they met us in line for the Kilimanjaro Safari in Africa (again, not the continent…although it was a pretty long jaunt for them to get to from Asia to Africa). I took tons of pictures of elephants, giraffes, hippos, flamingos and more. However, you’ll have to wait for pictures because I’m just too tired at night to download and post-process my pictures. Instead you’ll just have to use your imagination to visual how spectacular all of these animals were.

On the walking trail following the safari we ran in to some gorillas. And I don’t just mean the black hairy kind. These gorillas were 20-somethings from the UK. There was a group of about 10 of them hollering out at the actual gorillas, cursing and making crude jokes. This poor 5 foot 2, itty bitty park employee had to tell them to quiet down and not disturb the animals at least three times. And they kept ignoring her. After all, what was this tiny girl going to do? Softly tell them to hush? She certainly wasn’t strong enough to kick them out. But if that gorilla could’ve found a way to the people he surely would have ripped those English boys to shreds. The gorilla was storming up to the moat keeping him safely away from us looking for a way to the morons. When he couldn’t find a way to them, he resorted to giving them the stink eye. Which just made the morons giggle like little bitch school girls. Some boys just never grow up.

Then we headed over to Expedition Everest. I was a little hesitant because you know how I am with roller coasters. But I have this rule that I have to try everything at least once. Expedition Everest isn’t a normal roller coaster. Yes, it goes fast like a normal roller coaster. And there is a big drop (where I clamped my eyes shut so hard I’m surprised my eyeballs didn’t pop right out the back of my head) like a normal roller coaster. But this roller coaster tries to be all “oh I’m normal” until you encounter a broken track. Then you sit there wonder how the hell you’re going to get off this thing when it starts going BACKWARDS. In to the DARK. And it twists and turns you and makes you feel like you are going upside down when you really aren’t. Then it stops again while the Abominable Snowman breaks some track right in front of you and you’re all “hells no” only to be off flying down the dark track again. But I survived. And, dare I say, even enjoyed it.

Then we made our way to DinoLand. We got Pooh, Eeyore, and Tigger’s signatures before heading over to the Boneyard to play, dig up a wooly mammoth and search for hidden Mickeys. Then we gave the Primeval Whirl a whirl. (Get it? A whirl. Oh I crack myself up.) Primeval Whirl spins you around as you go up and down the track. It’s an ok ride. If it went just a little faster it would be a great ride.

We ended DinoLand with a trip back to the Cretaceous period on the Dinosaur ride. Caleb declared this ride the “most scariest ride ever.” I thought it was fun, but not exactly scary. However, we zoomed through this ride 10 years ago when it was Countdown to Extinction so maybe I was just underwhelmed because I didn’t have that sense of anticipation that a new rider has.

We ended the night with a very filling dinner at Rainforest Cafe. We ate at Rainforest Cafe on our trip 10 years ago and Keaton and I ate at one in London, but this was Skyler, Spencer, and Caleb’s first trip. They were pretty excited about the decor. Well, at least until the elephant next to us wouldn’t shut up. I got an alcoholic beverage because, hello, I’m spending my days with 5 children, a husband and a mother. Bring on the damn alcohol. But the kids got these Icee things that came in a collectors cup with a toy included. I took a little sip of Caleb’s Icee and wow are they good. I highly recommend them. I think I should have gotten an Icee instead of my spiked lemonade. But I did get a cool flashing cup so all was not lost.