But there are several disadvantages too. Mainly layoffs.

In a large company you are just one of thousands. It’s harder to stand out. And layoffs are pretty commonplace. Annual even.

We had layoffs in my office today. We’ve been pretty fortunate to escape previous layoffs without losing anybody in our department. Our last layoff was back in 2006.

Today our luck ran out. We lost two people in my department. One in my office. And it sucks.

The guilt is the worst part. Mary didn’t want to be laid off. But I’d almost welcome it. Part of me wants to take her place. With my recent graduation and new marketing degree, I’m thinking about a career change anyway. A layoff would force me to get off my butt and actually start putting forth some effort in to a job search.

But on the other hand, I likely wouldn’t be able to switch places with her. The paperwork is already done. And right now isn’t the best time to be out of work.

And so instead I just feel sad. And mad. And guilty.

I HATE layoffs. I HATE seeing my friends go. I HATE the guilt that comes along with being left. I HATE them.

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Man, I can’t wait for vacation.

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My personal favorite is when we are talking about billing in arrears (as opposed to billing in advance) and somebody says “billing in the rear.” That one slays me. I hardly have time to reach for the mute button before I’m busting up laughing. [Yes, I am a twelve year old boy. In fact just a couple weeks ago Lee and I hung up glow-in-the-dark planets in Caleb's room and made several jokes about Uranus.]

The other day we were on a call where Sales was trying to convince us to give his customer pricing we didn’t want to give. He said, “We’ve already set a presidents.” We set a presidents? Really? Do companies normally let us pick their presidents? I believe he actually meant “we’ve already set a precedence.

But I shouldn’t make fun because I often screw up on email. Thank goodness for spell checker or I would constantly send out emails about dicunts instead of discounts. Discunt is possibly even more embarrassing then billing the rear.

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IM me with “Can you call me please?”

Seriously?!? How lame is that? If you want to talk to me on the phone then call me. Don’t IM me to tell me to call you.

And then, when I totally ignore your IM because you’re a damn fool and I don’t have time for your silly games, definitely DO NOT send me an email that says “Please call me.”

Imagine the effort it took to first send me an IM AND THEN send me an email. Wouldn’t it have just been easier to pick up your fucking phone and call me?

And then, when I do call you and say, “Why didn’t you just call me?” definitely, and I mean DEFINITELY, DO NOT answer with “Because it was easier.” Because that will just piss me off more. You know I just live to make life easier for you’re lazy ass. Never mind the fact that I had to stop what I was doing during the last week of the month (which happens to be my super duper busy time of the month), go to email, look up your number, dial the phone all while trying to remain calm so I didn’t rip your fucking head off when you answered because you’re too damn lazy to call me.

All that effort because YOU wanted to talk to me. I didn’t want to talk to you. If I did I WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU.

I’m just saying.

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See in the office I have to dial a ‘9′ before I dial the number I want to call. And, of course, at home I don’t have to do that. But it never fails. When I’m at home I dial a ‘9′ and when I’m at work I always forget and just dial the number.

I have a daily call for a customer I’ve been working with for my entire life [ok, it's only been about six months but it feels like my entire life]. The conference bridge is a toll free number. There is a girl at extension 1877 that I think is getting a little ticked off with my refusal to dial a ‘9′ while I’m in the office. Every day I’m in the office I forget the ‘9′ and just start dialing 1-877 and it immediately rings this poor girl. I’m pretty sure she’s ready to hunt me down and beat the crap out of me.

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I was interviewing for a front office position at a large chiropractic office. I was around seven months pregnant, so it was slightly obvious I was “in the family way.” The woman I was interviewing with was an older woman, probably very traditional. The interview was going well until near the end. I assume she noticed I was not wearing a wedding ring and her curiosity got the best of her. The hours for this position were from 11am to 8pm. I told her that was fine. [I'm really not a morning person anyway so those seemed like perfect hours to me.] She asked, “Will your husband be ok with you working that late?” I looked down at my hands as I stammered, “Oh I’m not married.” She gave me a blank stare. I blinked back at her. It was obvious that was the turning point in the job interview.

That was the last time I spoke to her. I didn’t get the job.

When Keaton was just a few weeks old I got hired by a major Midwest cell phone company. As a file clerk. It was the most boring job ever, but I had to pay bills so a file clerk I was. However, Keaton and daycare didn’t mix well. He came home with a cold quite frequently. I had him at the doctor’s office at least once a week from Halloween to Valentine’s Day. He had constant ear infections. Then a persistent diaper rash that required prescription medicine. [He still has very sensitive skin to this day and gets a rash on his stomach from the nickel on the button of his jeans if I don't put surgical tape or sew fabric over the top.] And then he started with a cold that turned in to bronchitis and then RSV and finally pneumonia [or the other way around, I can't remember know]. My mom took days off to stay home with him. My dad took days off to stay home with him. My roommate [and best friend] even took days off to stay home with him. But my boss was not impressed. Even though I hadn’t yet used up all of my vacation and sick days, my boss fired me just days before my six month anniversary [which happens to still be in the 'probationary period'].

But even after those experiences I’m still a proud mama at work. I display photos of my kids and I’m not afraid to talk about them. And when I leave early to go to their games or school parties or whatever I don’t feel like I have to lie about it. Being a mom is part of who I am. In fact being a mom has given me some skills that help in the workplace. My kids have definitely taught me patience and organization. Luckily I now work for a company that is fairly family friendly so I don’t have to worry about it. Those other jobs just weren’t meant to be. Now I have a job where I make more money, have more respect, and [usually] enjoy what I do. And I don’t have to hide the fact that I’m a mom.

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I actually saw something about this a while back in one of the parenting magazines I get. [I'd tell you which parenting magazine, but I get quite a few and I don't remember which one it was.] I remember the parenting magazine made some of these same points. Parents [especially mothers] know how to multi-task and how to prioritize. Yes, we have less energy, but we’ve learned how to pack more in to less time.

Before I was a parent, I often stayed late. But I stayed late because I spent much of my day chatting with my co-workers knowing I had the time to finish stuff up later. Now that I’m a mom, I know I want to be out the door at 5:30pm because I have agendas to sign, books to listen to as my kids read them to me, homework to help with and hungry mouths that need to be fed a healthy meal [not fast food]. So now I have to prioritize my day to make sure I can get out the door at 5:30pm. Even today I left work early so I could run to the store, get home to give hugs and kisses and then finish my work day from home.

But besides multi-tasking and prioritizing, being a parent has helped me deal with people. I don’t know about you, but I sometimes run in to people who make my seven year old’s look mature. Being a parent I have learned the patience [sometimes] to deal with these people. Being a parent, I have learned to talk so somebody will listen. My kids taught me quickly that yelling at them gets me nowhere. Instead I had to find ways to talk to them that made them think cleaning their room was their idea.

Being a parent I have learned to stand up for myself. I was extremely shy as a child. I rarely stood up for myself. But then I had children and I realized I had to teach them to stand up for themselves. And I wasn’t going to do that if I didn’t do it for myself. Plus now that I have kids I don’t have time to wrestle with bullshit. I don’t want to hear excuses. I don’t want to discuss for hours on end why you think you’re right. I just want to cut to the chase and make decisions. I’m a busy and tired girl after all. I don’t have time to let somebody walk all over me anymore.

Now that I’m a parent, I have more responsiblity. Prior to parenthood I switched jobs about as often as I changed my underwear. [Ok, maybe not that often, cause I swear I change my underwear daily.] I got bored, I got a new job. I didn’t like my boss, I got a new job. A co-worker was a total slacker and that really pissed me off, I got a new job. But now I have soccer club and football uniforms and ballet classes and wrestling meets and school field trips and preschool to pay for. I have to have insurance for doctor’s visits and emergency oopses and braces. Now I run in to a “challenge” at work and I’m forced to find a way to deal with it. Because now I don’t have the luxury of just quiting and getting a temp job. Now I have a mortgage and a car payment and I need to be responsible. So I work harder at my job to prove that I’m the right employee for the job.

I know some people think that parents are big slackers. Parents always want to leave early. Parents are always using more sick days. I’ve heard it all. And some of that is true. For some people. But ultimately, I think being a parent really helps most employees do better at their job.

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I’m so glad I worked from home today. Because remember my hormones? I so would have cried in front of all of my co-workers. And I hate it when people, especially strangers, see me cry.

Patty isn’t just a friend, she’s also a great co-worker. She’d been with the company for almost twenty years and is very knowledgable. She was a great asset to our group. And she would always back you up. I mean that in both that when you are out sick or on vacation she never hesitated to back a girl [and boy] up. And when you were struggling with an issue she was always willing to help you out. She will be sorely missed.

I’m experiencing quite a bit of “survivor’s guilt.” I’ve been through layoffs before, but this one hit a little closer to home because of who we lost. Plus I know [and have told a few people, including Patty] that I am not very happy in my job. I feel like I’ve outgrown it and am ready for my next big challenge. But I’m too chicken to take the leap myself. However, if I had been laid off I would have no more excuses.

But I wasn’t let go. Patty was. And she didn’t want to be.

Ok, the tears. Excuse me a minute. I need to get a grip.

I have full faith that Patty will be just fine. I’m sure she will find an even better job with an even better company that will honestly appreciate her loyalty and hard work. But today it sucks. I hate layoffs. Damn you big business.

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First, I’m finally coming off of my prednisone high. And I’m crashing hard. I’m really, really tired and I think I just need to crawl back in to bed and forget about today. But dinner needs to be cooked, stories need to be read and a assortment of other tedious tasks need to completed.

This morning I found out I screwed up something at work. Now mistakes happen. I’m a little upset with myself that I made a mistake, but I’m not one of those people who enjoys beating myself up about it. It happened. Nothing I can do to prevent it now.

However, I work for a department where the mentality is slightly different. See my job is about correcting mistakes. So god forbid any of us [who are only human] actually make a mistake. Instead of trying to find a solution we like to find the blame. Why did this happen? Why did you approve that? Didn’t you look at your guidelines? Didn’t you go through the checklist [which was created by me, btw, so obviously I'm pretty familiar with it]? There’s usually at least a couple of days to a week of phone calls and emails to find out “who” caused this and “why” before anybody actually gets to the “how do we fix this part.” And that drives me crazy. Not only does that cause hurt feelings, but it makes you second guess yourself in your job from that point forward. And second guessing yourself all day long does not make for fun work.

But the fun doesn’t stop there folks.

I didn’t blog about this before because I try to somewhat not write about work. I swear I really do listen when dooce and The Sarcastic Journalist speak of never blog about work. Sometimes I take that advice to heart. Other times I could care less.

So I didn’t blog about my issue with my boss a month ago. But today, in my shitty mood with layoffs looming at my company [sounds like a good time to spout off about work doncha think?!?], I’m throwing caution to the wind. Like I said, it was a month ago, my boss and I were talking on IM and she said something to me that I thought [and still think] was disrespectful. I stewed about it for a while and then I emailed her and told her I didn’t appreciate being disrespected. I’m a writer after all. Not a speaker. So people get emails from me. Not phone calls.

I expected her to be upset and even angry about my email. I, however, did not expect her to completely ignore it. She is a manager for gosh sake. If you employee is unhappy or if you are unhappy with your employee, you don’t sit on it. You address it. But not my boss.

So then today, a full MONTH LATER, we were talking on the phone and she goes “I wanted to let you know that I got your email.” Meaning that email from a month ago. Basically she said I shouldn’t send stuff like that on email because it could be misconstrued [hmmmm....much like on IM, huh?]. Then she said she wanted to talk to me about it, but her email was down so she couldn’t look at it right now. But “I wanted to let you know that I got it, but I’m not going to respond on email. We’ll talk about it later.” So basically she’s saying it pissed me off you stupid bleep and I will not dignify it with a response. We so will not talk about it later. It took her a month to work up the courage to even sort of talk about it now. Geez.

And then at the end of my work day I sort of snapped at one of Keaton’s friends. But, in my defense, his friends call over and over and over again until you answer the phone. And that gets so annoying. I’m working from home with this constantly clicking in my ear as I’m on the phone with my boss or legal or whoever. So I had to say “I am working from home. Please do not call over and over three or four times. Goodbye.” I had a tone in my voice, but I think I was fairly polite.

It’s not just one of his friends either. Quite a few of his friends do that. And some of Justis’ friends do it too. When did people forget about proper phone etiquette? When I was little we didn’t even have answering machines. We had to actually wait a couple of hours and just call them back. Now kids have voicemail. Use it! Don’t call, wait 45 seconds and call again. Repeat. This is not a shampoo bottle. This is a phone. Keaton and I have had this conversation over and over again so he better not be doing it too. In fact, we are going to talk about it again tonight.

Which brings me to my final point of aggression…Keaton. Man does he have an attitude. One of his friends called shortly after he got home. Keaton clicked the talk button to answer and then clicked it again to hang up. He told Lee, “Well he calls every single day as soon as I get home from school to see if he can come over and I’m tired of it.” Lee goes, “So tell him no, but don’t be disrespectful and just hang up on in. Now you just made it clear to him that you’re being a jerk.”

I am so on the verge of just getting rid of our phone service. Or at least getting a line with a new number and using for business only. I curse you Alexander Graham Bell.

But, back to Keaton. What can I do about this attitude? Nothing. I can’t shield him. He’s not a baby anymore. I need to give him his own space to make his own mistakes. If he’s going to be a jerk to his friends then he’ll learn the consequences are that he has no friends. It makes me sad to see him being mean and it makes me sad to think that he’ll lose friends, but I have to let him learn these lessons on his own. I can’t call up his friends and say “please forgive Keaton. He’s just in one of him moods today.” I just need to keep explaining to him what’s appropriate and what’s not. He’ll soon learn that mean people are often lonely people.

Well with that said, I’m going to go drink some hot tea and take a breather. I need it.

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On Wednesday I had “the talk” [the money talk, not the sex talk...that's just gross] with my boss. Again. I’m hoping to eventually wear her down. I’ve learned this lesson from my children. Repeat yourself over and over and over and over and over and over and over until your target finally just gives up from exhaustion and gives you what you want.

So basically I told her that I think I’m underpaid and I need [not want...need] more money. She’s like yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll see what I can do.

And just as a side note…telling someone that good things come to those who wait is not always a good thing. Cause sometimes I’m damn sick and tired of waiting for the good things. I want the good things right now. Waiting for good things is not putting food on the table in front of five hungry mouths. Good things are not romaine noodles and macaroni and cheese. Every other night. And if you tell me good things come to those who wait one more time I may just spit in your face. You’ve been warned.

So then today, she called me to tell me that “they” have looked up the salaries of [I guess] every single person in the department and I am right in line with everybody else who is in my pay scale. So basically she just came right out and told me that I make just as much as people who started in our department a year or more after me, but are in the same pay scale. Hell, everybody that comes in to our department comes in to the department at this pay scale. So excuse me if I’m not overjoyed by this little bit of information.

I said, “Well I’ve been in this pay scale for two and a half years. And others in the group have been in this pay scale much less time then that. Also, I have been in the job much longer than some of these people in ‘my pay scale.’” To this she tells me she’s working on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ve heard that before.

Can you believe she even used that as an argument? Who fucking cares if all of us in the same pay scale make roughly the same amount. Have you seen the pay scale? There is about a $15,000 difference between the min and max salaries in this pay scale. That’s a hell of “scale.” So somebody who has been in this pay scale for two and a half years should be making considerable more than somebody who has been in the pay scale for six months. Granted if this two and a half year person is a total screw up then they shouldn’t be seeing the money. But I can assure you that is not the case in my situation. I can honestly say that I am very good at my job. Call it bragging if you want to, but I have the data to back it up. So I don’t want to hear that I make what everybody else makes. That does not make me happy. I know you were trying to make me happy. But that was the opposite of happy. See my face? Not happy. Show me the benjamins.

So then for shits and giggles I did a google search on salaries. And I found this USA Today article. It talks about what most of us already experience at work; your employer doesn’t want you discussing your salary with other employees.

Well, why the hell not?

I know why not. Because big business knows they are lying, cheating bastards and they want to try and let the little guy think they aren’t. If the guy sitting next to you does the same exact job for $10,000 less a year, then what he doesn’t know won’t kill him.

Well, fuck that. Why is it always the employee who gets the short end of the stick? Why can’t management sometimes get the stick up their ass? We know how much the coaches at the college level make. We know how much our politicians make. We know how much movie stars make. Why is it such a big faux pas to discuss it in the business world?

I’m so sick and tired of the politics in the business world. I’m not really sure how I got here. Every day I long more and more to leave it all behind and stay home with my kids. But then I come home to “I need lunch money” or “You haven’t paid for basketball yet” or “We need money for our field trip.” Then I remember why I work. I have to.

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