I was reading about Surburban Bliss’, “The Best Mommy Blog” [I'm not the one who gave her that title, the media did...and she deserves it], recent (and not so recent) problems she’s been having with her in laws. And it got me thinking about my in laws. Or more specifically, the woman who gave birth to my husband, as I like to call her. Well that’s what I call her on a good day at least.
In case your new I have written some things in the past that the woman who gave birth to my husband may consider to be a tad bit offensive. When I wrote that post back in September 2004 Lee was a little angry about it. Well not angry, but he was worried that one of his family members might read it. I personally don’t think that any of Lee’s family reads my blog or visits our website, but Lee thought maybe his Aunt Pam might venture over every now and then. Lee didn’t ask me to remove the post [or even tone it down] but he did let me know that he was concerned about some of the words I chose.
Although I chose not to edit my post [that time] I do try to take Lee’s feelings in to consideration. And if he had asked me to remove the post or change some words I would have. However, I also feel strongly that this is my blog and I will write what I want to. If you don’t like it then don’t read it. You may find this hard to believe but I actually do censor my blog [somewhat]. There are many things I would like to write about, but don’t [especially when it comes to work]. I don’t write anything here that I wouldn’t say to your face.
However, in this case, in the case of the woman who gave birth to my husband, I don’t feel the need to censor. I did not say anything that was not true. Although she tells me I “don’t know all the facts,” every time I have written to her or about her I have either stated (1) I “heard” this from someone [which I believe implies that the statement would not stand up in a court of law as it would be heresay] or (2) I only speak of things that have happened in the last 12 years that I have physically seen or heard with my own two eyes and ears.
And what more could she do to us? Ignore us some more? Continue to abandon Lee? Continue to not acknowledge her grandchildren? She already does all that so I’m not too worried.
I get very defensive when somebody hurts a member of my family and I will fight to protect my family no matter what. I am the mama bear of this family after all. And protecting my
cubs family is not only my job but my obligation. I will continue to stand up for my husband until the day I die. And if she doesn’t like me defending my husband then she can eat my ass.
What really bothers me is, the woman who gave birth to my husband takes her anger for me out on Lee and our children. She is a grown woman in her 50s but instead of just coming to the adult realization that she can hate me but still love the rest of the family, she has chosen to ignore them. Not that she did much for any of them before I sent her the infamous emails, but still. I don’t like her. I make no bones about that. I tried to be a good daughter-in-law for many years. I pushed Lee to contact her and asked him to send cards for birthdays and stuff (although he never did). I didn’t have to do that. She’s nothing to me. She’s not my mom. She’s not even a friend. But she was the woman who gave birth to my husband so I felt it was my duty to try and help them mend their relationship. But nothing seemed to break through her selfish exterior. She could never see past herself and realize that there was a hurt little boy there begging for her love.
The woman who gave birth to my husband will never truly understand how much she hurt Lee. She will never understand the pain that abandoned (whether it be through adoption or left on somebodies doorstep) children feel. The woman who gave birth to my husband doesn’t think she did anything wrong. She thinks she doesn’t have anything to apologize for because she “did the best [she] could at the time.” She will never understand that even if that’s true it doesn’t stop the hurt in Lee’s heart.
So I came to the realization that there is nothing I can do to change her mind. There is nothing I can do to make her less selfish. There is nothing I can do bring them closer together. But I sure as hell will not let her continue to hurt him. All I can do is hope that one day she will stop “trying to make Lee understand” and just try to be his mom. Or even just a friend. And hopefully it won’t be too late.