I receive [and am about to unsubsribe from] the “Marriage Connection” newsletter from Christianity Today. I’ve never really “bought in” to many of the ideas this newsletter preaches about. I consider myself to be a good Christian, but I’ve never felt comfortable with the “just pray with your husband and God will make everything ok” philosophy.
That being said, I don’t want to go in to a big discussion about my faith and what I do and don’t believe. Faith is a hot topic with no real right or wrong answers and I don’t really feel like debating it.
So instead I’m going to debate the “gay” issue. ‘Cause I never said I didn’t like to debate. I just want to keep my beliefs regarding faith to myself and my church community.
So anyway, back to the newsletter. This month there was an article titled My Husband’s Secret Life. The teaser read, “For 13 years of our marriage, John practiced a gay lifestyle. How could I ever trust or love him again?”
“Well that’s interesting,” I thought. “How do you get over that betrayal? How do you accept him again?” So I decided to give it a little read.
I thought it was going to be an article about forgiveness and acceptance. I thought we were going to learn how this woman let the man she loves go so he no longer has to try and be something he’s not.
But I was mistaken.
Because being homosexual is not acceptable when you are Christian. At least not for Christianity Today readers. I understand that many Christian’s can point to scripture that talks about how homosexuality is wrong. But I can also point to many other outdated scripture. Passages that applied in biblical times, but aren’t too practicial in today’s day and age. I can also point to scripture that talks about forgiveness and acceptance and love.
Ok, I’m going off on to a Christian rant and I said I wasn’t going to do that. So my point is, as people of faith, or even just people, we need to learn to be accepting and loving.
Some kids get mohawks. I don’t particularly care for it. I certainly would never get one myself. But it’s not hurting me. In fact it’s none of my business. So I just accept it and move on.
But this article is not about acceptance. It’s about how to change your husband to appease you and your church.
What really got my panties in a bunch, was when the author went on about her attendence at an Exodus International conference. According to the author, Exodus International is “an organization that offers hope and healing to people who want to leave the homosexual lifestyle.”
“Leave the homosexual lifestyle,” like her gay husband is the equivelant of an alcoholic or a drug abuser.
And then she goes on to say, “At the conference, we learned that homosexual behavior is an attempt to fulfill normal, legitimate needs for love, acceptance, and identity through sexual intimacy with someone of the same gender. These needs, when unfulfilled in childhood, combine with other negative experiences (including sexual abuse) to cause a destructive pattern of hurt, anger, rebellion, and low self-image. We discovered that in almost every instance, the attraction for the same sex begins before the age of 10, which leads victims to believe erroneously that they were born homosexual. At first, this attraction is emotional, non-sexual, and involuntary. This brings confusion, fear, and guilt on a young person already feeling rejected and unworthy, and sets up a great need for affirmation as a worthwhile person.”
So the “homosexual lifestyle” is an addiction and it’s because they didn’t get the love they needed from their daddie’s when they were children. And she actually believes this bullshit to be truth. That’s what really blows me away.
Is having sex with somebody of the same sex an addiction? Is having sex [period] an addiction? Do we consider it an addiction that we are attracted to people of different sexes? I think not. [I mean other then sex addicts, but let's not go there.]
Plus the type of person I am attracted too is probably not the same type of person another person is attracted to. I think Johnny Depp is HOT with a capital H-O-T! My best friend thinks he looks kind of dirty. I enjoy dirty when it’s done in a “shower at least a few times a week and wear deoderant” kind of way. Doesn’t mean my attraction is “better” then her attraction. Just means we are attracted to different types of people.
This authors husband is attracted to men. He has been “practicing” that “lifestyle” for a very long time. He enjoyed men’s company before and during their 13 year [to that point] marriage. He’s not just experimenting. He’s not trying to recapture the love he didn’t get from his father. He’s gay. He is looking for something in a life partner that the author can’t offer. And all this talk about helping him overcome this lifestyle and learning to trust him to love her again and blah, blah, blah….she’s making me ill.
Ever heard the saying “if you love them you will set them free?” Why not try letting him be himself for a while. Let him be true to his own emotions, his own feelings, his own desires? Why not stop encouraging him to be something he’s not? Wouldn’t that be true love? And if he decided he couldn’t live with you, that he really doesn’t want to be with a man, then he’ll come back. Nobody says you have to wait for him. But let him make those decisions on his own.
But then allowing the person you love to move on and be themselves hurts. It’s painful to let go. It’s painful watch somebody you love doing something you don’t approve of. But you know what? It’s not about you. It’s about him. It’s time to stop telling him what to do and just be supportive. He’s an adult. Treat him like one.
This is why I am unsubsribing. I don’t believe in this crap. This all-knowing, only-one-solution-to-every-problem bullshit. All I can think about is how sad it is to spend your whole life [the average age of which is around 83 years] being somebody you’re not. It must be exhausting spending every day of your life trying to make everybody else happy, molding to their idea of “normal.” Why not spend some time making yourself happy?