Peeking out the closet door

What’s all this crap about Oprah being gay. Supposedly she’s having a hot lesbian affair with her best friend, Gayle. I thought this would just blow over, but it never seems to die.

Last year Marcia Cross was supposedly gay. Now she’s married and expecting twins.

I blame The View. I know some women just love this show and I may get a severe lashing for even saying this, but The View is really pissing me off. It’s a bunch of cranky old women [well except for that chick from Survivor] bitching and moaning about shit nobody cares about. Give me a break.

And then there’s Rosie O’Donnell. I was never a huge fan of her talk show, but she was occassionally funny and entertaining back then. Now she’s just about trying to call out the gays. Puhleasse. Spare me her little “everybody is a little gay” speech.

Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem with being gay. I’ve blogged about this in the is past here and here. I’m just trying to figure out why people give a shit. I know we are a society of people who care who other people are sleeping with. We want to know what was said in Brad and Jen’s living room when he told her he was leaving her for Angelina. But is there a point where it gets out of hand? I remember a day when Rosie wasn’t broadcasting her sexuality. Was she not ready for the world to know she was a lesbo? I’m guessing not or she would have talked about it non-stop on her show like she does now. All The View is, is a big gossip rag with old wrinkly women around a table.

That being said, why don’t they just leave Oprah be. I can pretty much guarantee you that even if Oprah is gay she will take that secret to her grave. But my guess is, she really isn’t gay. She’s just close to the woman who’s been her best friend for years.

What is it about Gayle and Oprah that makes people think they are gay? Because they finish each other’s sentences? Because Oprah talks about her all the time? Because Oprah professes her love for Gayle? Cause I gotta tell you, that’s what girls do.

Around the age of 25 we smarten up and stop answering the phone for booty calls from assholes who can’t even commit to a favorite toilet paper brand. But we will snap awake if our best friend calls. Why? Because if our best friend calls in the middle of the night it’s because she needs us. Not because we are all “a little bit gay.”

It’s really a toss up who I know better; my husband or my best friend. On one hand I’ve been with my husband for more than thirteen years and we live together and share intimate moments and what not. But on the other hand, my best friend and I have been friends for over fifteen years and we talk about everything.

For example, if my husband ran in to somebody we knew a long time ago but haven’t seen in ten years he’d say, “Hey, I ran in to Bob yesterday. He’s married with three kids and working at Wal-Mart.”

However, same scenario with my best friend would go like, “Hey I ran in to Bob yesterday. You should see his wife. She beautiful. Blonde hair. Big boobs. Skinny as a rail. I don’t know how Bob landed a babe like that. You remember back in ’96 when he got all drunk and asked me to go home with him and then threw up all over me. Ewww. So anyway, they have three kids; Sammy is 6, Erika is 4 and the baby, Doug, is 18 months. They’ve been having a rough year. Not that I’m surprised. Bob lost his job at XYZ company. Probably because he never stopped drinking. Now he’s working at Wal-Mart…..”

This is why Oprah can finish Gayle’s sentences. Because they’ve been friends for so many years, they know what questions the other asks, they know what info the other wants, they just know. That’s just how it works with girls.

So give Oprah a break. You already asked her. She denied it. You don’t have any other proof. Let it die. Surely there’s some other superficial shit you can come up with.