If I’m this freaked about a 4 A.M. MySpace conversation imagine what a basket case I’ll be when he starts actually kissing girls
The other night Justis set his cell phone alarm for 4:30 in the morning so he could wake up and get on his computer to talk to his girlfriend. 4:30 A.M.! Lee is a really light sleeper so the alarm woke him up. Only he didn’t realize it was the alarm that woke him up at the time. He just knew something woke him up.
Since he was up he decided to go to the bathrom [because that's what old people do when they get woken up in the middle of the night]. As he made his way in to the dark hallway he saw a blue glow coming from under Justis’ door.
Lee said, “Justis, what are you doing?”
Immediately it went dark. Lee poked his head in to Justis room and repeated, “What are you doing?” There was no response.
Later that morning Justis admitted he had gotten up to talk to his girlfriend on MySpace.
When I got up and Lee told me about the early morning MySpace adventure I was angry. More angry than Lee seemed to be [which is odd because he's usually the hot head]. I said, “They aren’t supposed to be on the computers on school nights and I still consider 4:30am a school night.” Lee said he’d set up the router so his [and Keaton's just to be safe] computer can’t access the internet from Sunday night to Friday afternoon.
But the more I thought about it the more I started freaking out about it. Here we go. I was content in my cave of ignorance thinking Justis hadn’t gotten to the serious stage of a relationship with a girl yet. But now he’s waking up at 4:30 in the morning to talk to a girl. That takes it to a whole new level. A person doesn’t just wake up at 4:30 in the morning for nobody. I’m not sure I’d even wake up at 4:30 in the morning if Brad Pitt was nudging me [ok, maybe I would].
Since I was totally freaking and none of my friends have teenagers yet so none of them could relate, I decided to call the one person I know has been through this before…my dad. I know most people call their moms, but, although I’m close to my mom, I was raised by my dad and I know he knows the stress of raising a teenager.
I said, “Dad, how did you ever let me out of the house when I was a teenager.” He said, “I don’t remember really having a choice.” I told him, “I’m not sure I’ll make it through these teenager years.” He said, “Yep, they’re rough.”
And then he went on to tell me that this is my punishment for torturing him through my teenage years. I said, “Yeah, but I have to go through this FIVE times.” He goes, “Yeah, you were that bad.”
You just gotta love your parents. Then he said, “Some day they’ll go through this too.” I said, “I hope so.”
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Momilies Said,
May 10, 2007 @ 6:02 pm
Uhm, maybe this is a dumb question, but why do your kids have computers in their rooms? Even though I’m a geek and we have seven computers on our home network, not a single one of them is in a bedroom, and never will be. The kids use their computers out in the open where we can see everything. So does hubby. So do I.
I also read all of my kids’ emails, both received and sent, and I check their IM logs about every two weeks just so I catch things before they get out of hand. I have their usernames and passwords to any sites they hang out on, like Facebook or Myspace or any of the others and I check those randomly as well.
My kids are 17, 13, and 5. They know I’m watching. They can’t get away with much when mom is watching. When they are out on their own and paying their own bills, they can do what they want. But as long as they are under MY roof and using MY internet connection and network, they are bound by the house rules.
I don’t like snooping on them, and I keep it to a minimum. But the 17 year old got himself in trouble, and now I watch him pretty closely. It’s for his own protection.
Sindy Said,
May 10, 2007 @ 9:46 pm
I love that you called your dad. It sounds like he has a great sense of humor and that alone had to help put you at ease. Kids do silly things, and this is just the beginning of a whole new stage, for certain.
My eldest son, 15, has a computer in his room. I do check-up on him, however not as heavily as Momilies. We have a very open and honest relationship and it shows in what I he tells me he’s doing and what I find him doing. I know he won’t always make the best choices, but he has to fail in order to learn to make good choices on his own. If I am always making the choices for him then he never learns to actually make the good choice. When they grow up and move out they won’t have me over them as a reason to make the right choice. Therefore I spent more time talking about what choices are good and why and allowing all of my kids the chance to do the right thing.
Then, if they make a bad choice, like Justis did we talk about it and move on. Blocking the internet is a good way to prevent the temptation during the week, I do that to my kids too.
Melissa R. Garrett Said,
May 11, 2007 @ 7:38 am
I’m hardly qualified to give advice about teenagers since you know I only have little ones. Perhaps removing his computer from his room and placing it in a more central location would curb the temptation to do secretive stuff? I’m not suggesting that you go snooping (I still resent my mother for always invading my personal space, even though I was a MODEL child, truly, compared to most). Don’t even tell him you’re moving the computer ~ just do it. Actions speak louder than words, sometimes, and maybe this will get him thinking that you ARE paying close attention.
Momilies Said,
May 14, 2007 @ 11:00 am
I know I am a lot stricter on my kids and their internet/computer use than some other people are. For many years I wasn’t that worried about it and expected them to use good judgment. Then Stinky Boy (my oldest) broke my trust, and therefore I watch a lot closer than I would like. I keep my mouth shut a lot, my kids don’t know what I know all the time, but I know it and am watchful when I think there is a dangerous situation brewing.
Stinky Boy was in the cab of the truck of his dad’s dump truck two years ago when it crashed into a minivan loaded with children and killed all five people in that van. He saw things no 15 year old should EVER have seen. His dad/my ex-husband is a total idiot/jerk, and I had begged him for YEARS not to put those kids in that dump truck with him. But he did it anyway, and the law of odds finally caught up with him, and my sensitive and silent first-born baby boy was a witness to five people burning alive right in front of his eyes. The only thing he ever said to me about the accident was “I kicked the door open on the truck because it was jammed, and I ran up to the van and tried to help those people. Mom, they were all dead, I knew they were all dead.” While he won’t talk much about it all to me, he will occasionally talk about it to his friends, and by watching his conversations with his friends, I know when he’s reached a level of frustration or discontent that requires professional intervention. He has been depressed and occasionally suicidal over what happened, not to mention PSTD on the edge, and I watch to be sure he is not falling into negative patterns that could harm him.
But even without all of that, I would still be keeping an eye on what they do online. Mistakes made online can cost them careers, their health, or lead to physical or sexual abuse, and I take THOSE risks very seriously.