Just like the last two years, we made an appearance at the annual balloon glow this year. Sadly it’s starting to get a little repetitive. It’s the same balloons every year and there aren’t any activities for the kids to do. Lee came up with a couple suggestions to make it a little more interesting. (1) They could actually lift off and fly away. Or (2) one of them could catch on fire. Um..ok. I’m pretty sure the city, and the balloon owners, will frown on that second suggestion.

But regardless, we still had fun.

One tradition the kids really love are the tattoos. Spencer and Caleb picked out their favorite patriotic tattoo and displayed them proudly.

Then we found a patch of grass and copped a squat on the kids’ blankets where we dined on yummy Chex Mix. Did you now there is a honey and a caramel flavor? They are delicious.

To keep the kids entertained we pulled out our cell phones and let the kids take pictures. They took about 100 pictures; 80% of which are so blurry you can’t tell what’s going on in the picture. But they had fun so that’s all that matters right?

After a while they ran in to a friend from school and began to play tag until it got so dark we could barely see them.

We did get some great pictures of the balloons all lit up. I don’t care what anybody says. Yes, they are the same balloons every year, but they are so pretty. And with the grainy pictures our cell phones take, Lee was able to get his wish too…sort of. He got a shot of a lit up balloon and the pictures makes it look like it’s on fire.

We took the kids to a sailboat regatta the other day. Doesn’t that make us sound all snooty and important? A sailboat regatta. Ooh. Aaah.

But really our sailboat regatta involved sailboats made from milk cartons.

The library had a little craft event. Weyerhaeuser provided the milk cartons. The library provided the water. And the kids provided to creativity.

I helped Skyler & Caleb with their boats. The kids cut out sails and I helped them attach them to straws in their milk carton boats. Then they added some stickers and used markers to draw on the boat.

Lee helped Spencer with his boat. Whereas I took a hands off approach with Skyler and Caleb, Lee took a different approach with Spencer. Of course, he sort of had too since Spencer pulled out his shy card and was reluctant to begin working on his boat. But eventually he came around and helped dad out. They thought about the whole construction of their boat; what kind of sails would give them the best wind power, how they could make their sails turn, etc.

Once the boats were built they got to race them. There were four lanes to race the boats in. The kids stood behind their boats and blew them to the end of the lane. Then they turned them around and blew them back. There were volunteers there timing their race.

Caleb was pretty upset by this because “it wasn’t a race.” He wanted to go neck and neck with somebody else. He didn’t want somebody just timing his race. So when we got home we let them race their boats in the pool. Those races eventually turned in to just dunking their boats in the water and watching them sink while Skyler blew her boat around the pool. This is the difference between boys and girls I guess.

This afternoon we headed off to the park with lunch and three bags of bread. “Bread?” you ask. Yes, bread. But not for us. The bread was for the ducks.

Feeding the ducks is cheap entertainment. Except today we bought the bread at Dollar General. Don’t let the “dollar” in the name fool you. Stuff is so not a dollar at Dollar General. In fact prices are so far from a dollar they should change their name to “Super overpriced, might as well go to a convenience store, General,” although that probably wouldn’t fit on their sign.

There was one duck who was missing his webbing between two of his little ducky toes. The poor guy was limping all over the place. And the other ducks weren’t playing nice. The kids were really upset about the way the ducks were treating the hurt duck. They wanted to take him home. But we figured he probably wouldn’t stay in the pool and we didn’t want him hobbling in to the street. So we left him at the park.

While we were feeding the ducks we learned something we never knew about ducks. Ducks can jump. And ducks will jump when you hold a piece of bread a couple of inches above their head. It was hilarious. And Lee [who sucks with the video camera] got it on tape.

When our bread was all gone and our lunches were eaten, we headed off to the playground to swing and slide and drive the play firetruck.

Lee was having some trouble beating me at our “who can swing higher?” contest so he asked Caleb to give him a little push.

Then Skyler wanted to take a driving test and asked dad to help her. Lee kept giving her instructions like “turn right” or “slow down.” Then Caleb got in on the game and kept running in front of the firetruck. As soon as he ran in front of the truck Skyler would slam on the brakes. Right before I took this photo Caleb had been hit and was laying flat on his back in the wood chips. It was hilarious, but I couldn’t my camera out in time to snap a shot. So this is his not quite as convincing re-enactment.

By the time we were done playing at the park we were sweating so we decided to go home and jump in the pool. Ah, refreshing.

It’s always weird to see the rest of the world going on with life like nothing’s happened when your own world seems to be standing still.

Lee’s mom passed away this morning.

Lee wasn’t very close to his mom. He was raised by his grandmother after his mom abandoned him as an infant. She came in and out his life several times, but never made much of an effort to be a big part of his life. And eventually Lee stopped letting her try. He never told her to stay away from him, but he wasn’t exactly waiting with open arms either.

Several years ago I wrote her a an email after I couldn’t take it anymore. I explained how much she had hurt Lee in the past and gave her specific examples of things that she had done that really broke his heart. She didn’t take kindly to my email. Although I never once called her names in that email she took it as a personal attack and cut all contact with us [which was extremely limited contact in the first place]. She stopped acknowledging the kids’ and Lee’s birthday. She stopped sending Christmas cards. She just stopped. She was mad at me but took it out on her son and her grandchildren.

I have thought about that email several times in the last six months since we found out she had terminal cancer. Should I have sent it? Or should I have just kept my mouth shut? Now that she’s gone I’m glad I sent it. I’m glad I did it while I had the chance. I’m glad we got the chance to tell her exactly how her actions have impacted those in her life, at least how it’s impacted Lee’s life. Life’s to short to keep quiet; to not speak your mind.

Lee had been speaking to his mother again in the last year and a half. Not a lot, but they did speak over email and she began sending pictures again. Lee invited her to visit our personal website and view pictures of the kids. And she even came for a visit shortly after Christmas. It didn’t make up for a lifetime without her, but I’m glad Lee was able to share some moments with her in these last few months of her life.

Before the email incident, before Caleb was even a thought in our mind, Lee’s dad died. Lee could count the number of times he’s seen his father on one hand and still have a few fingers left over. But we went to the funeral anyway. It was his dad after all. Lee was pretty torn up about the funeral. Not really at the lose of the man. He didn’t even know the man. But he was upset about the lose of a chance. There’s no second chance. He will never, ever get to sit down and talk to his dad. He will never have the opportunity to get to know him and find out what made him who he was. And that’s sad.

Lee’s going through that again with his mom. I think it’s almost harder to lose your mother when you barely know her than it is to lose your mother who you’ve loved and cherished your whole life. When I lose my mom [and please God let that be at least thirty to forty years down the road] I will have lots of good memories to remember. I’ll have childhood experiences to thank her for. I’ll have special traditions that I’ve passed down to my children and they’ve passed down to theirs. I’ll have places, symbols, songs and TV shows that will spark memories in me to remind me of her and her smile and her laugh. Lee doesn’t have any of that. And now he never will.

She was at his graduation. She was at our wedding. And Lee has a handful of other visits with her that he can always cherish. Hopefully these are the moments he can hold on to and remember, instead of the absences.

Lee doesn’t know how to feel. It’s his mother. He’s supposed to be sad. You feel sad when your mother dies. And he is sad. But then there’s part of him that is struggling with that. He thinks, “Why am I crying for a women I barely knew? She’s practically a stranger.” But she’s not a stranger. She’s his mom.

I’m rambling. I can’t help it. I’m sad too. I’m sad for Lee who will never again have the opportunity to really love his mother and to create cherished memories with her. I’m sad for my children who never really knew their grandma and now never will. I’m sad for Lee’s sisters; Tana, who just became part of Bert’s life again about ten years ago and had formed a real bond with her, and Lisa, who refused to ever meet her mother and now will never have the chance. I’m sad for Bert’s family; her husband Bleu who will be forever changed by the loss of his wife, and her brothers and sisters who lost somebody they grew up with. It just sucks. And it’s not really fair.

Sleep on now, and take your rest.
~Matthew 26:45

Bert, may you rest in peace and suffer no more. You will be missed.