College is a lot like junior high

Tonight was my first night of Fall classes. This term I’m taking Direct Marketing. I have the same teacher I had for last term’s Ad Theory class. That’s good in that he’s a nice guy and he doesn’t make us buy a book because he thinks textbooks are too expensive. [I can't tell you how much I appreciate that.] But it’s bad in that he requires us to get in to groups and give a final presentation at the end of the term. If you’re new I totally suck at public speaking. I’d rather have my wisdom teeth pulled without Novocaine then give a speech. I’d rather hang from the ceiling, upside-down, by my toe nails, naked then give a speech. I really do not enjoy speeches.

But I have three months before I have to worry about that.

Today our assignment was to form groups of five or six people and come up with a team name. I could see the kids next to me were already friends and were an instant group, so I turned around to the girls behind me. Back there were three girls who obviously knew each other before class even started. They asked the girl sitting next to them if she wanted to be in their group. So they had four as far as I could tell. We had to have a minimum of five people in each group. So I asked, “Do you already have five?” Two of girls looked at me with glazed eyes like I had just grown wings out of my butt. They didn’t respond. They just continued to look at me as if I had spoken some foreign old lady language they didn’t understand.

I was a little taken aback. We’ve had to form groups in just about every class I’ve had at the university, but this was the first time I’ve ever had anybody reject me. I was immediately transformed back to junior high and I just found out I didn’t get invited to the cool people party. And then I remember I’m not 13. I’m 33. And I don’t put up with catty little bitches. So I leaped over the table and pulled all their hair out.

Ok, so I didn’t really do that. Instead I looked around to see if any other groups were in need of a member. I found a group of four in the back of the room. It looked like they were looking for another partner so I gave them the international sign for please let me be in your group or I’ll cry ’cause nobody wants me. Which meant I awkwardly threw up my arms and raised my eyebrows while pointing at them and mouthing, “Do you need a fifth?” I thought for sure after that ungraceful move they would look away and pretend like they didn’t see me. But, to my surprise, they accepted me with open arms. Then we all made out.

Ok, maybe not. But we did exchange email addresses and come up with a name. Assignment #1 was complete.