Have I mentioned what a procrastinator I am? I was always one of those people who had to pull an all-nighter to finish that big paper or study for finals. Every term I would say “I will not wait until the last minute this time” and then? I would late until the last minute.

This term I’m taking Graphic Design and Mass Media in America. I have Graphic Design at 8am and Mass Media in the late afternoons on Monday and Wednesdays. Our Graphic Design assignments are typically due on Monday morning. I’m usually finishing them up around 1am Sunday night/Monday morning. We usually have a couple of reading assignments for my Mass Media class. I am often found reading those assignments on my lunch break at work just before class.

I can’t help it. It’s just who I am. A procrastinator.

The very first day of class our Mass Media instructor handed us a syllabus that talked about a big research paper we would be working on throughout the term. There were several checkpoints in the last few months. We had to come up with a topic within the first several weeks. Then turn in an annotated bibliography. Followed by our coding sheets. And finally a progress report. I turned in all of these assignments, but never put forth a lot of effort in them. Because, of course, I like to wait until the last minute to work on big research papers so I can have the satisfaction of worrying and pulling my hair out and getting no sleep for days.

This research paper was supposed to be due this Wednesday (tomorrow). Last week we talked our instructor in to giving us another weekend to work on it and now it’s not due until Monday. Thank goodness. Because, of course, I was totally behind.

My research paper is on tween shows and how they portray school, teachers, and homework. All I’ve been doing for the last several days is watching mind-numbing tween shows on Disney and Nickelodeon. Shows like Hannah Montana, iCarly, and The Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Some of these shows are tolerable (Hannah Montana) and others are nauseating (The Suite Life). I definitely should have spread this TV watching out over several weeks to give my brain some time to recuperate.

So in other words, this is why I’ve been neglecting my blog. Because I’ve been too busy embracing my inner tween and watching way too much “oh. my. God. that cute boy like me” TV. I need some vodka.

Today was Earth Day. We get pretty wild and crazy here at Bean Casa. We had presents. And cake. And tons of candles.

Oh wait.

That wasn’t for Earth Day. That was for Justis’ birthday. His 17th birthday. Can you believe he’s 17? Already? I say this every year, but where does all the time go? Next year he’ll be 18. EIGHT FREAKIN’ TEEN. Excuse me while I sob for a moment.

Since words have escaped me, let’s recap Justis birthday in pictures.

Justis opened his first gift to find…a Christmas stocking. In April?

Oh wait. It’s a gift certificate to the gas station. And the keys to his new (to him) Geo Tracker. After last year’s prank I think Justis was a little underwhelmed with his gift of car keys. Did these keys really go to an actual car? One that could be driven? By him? Or were they to a matchbox car like last year.

Well this year they are to a real car. The Geo Tracker that we’ve had for a while and have been teaching him to drive. It’s a manual transmission. It’s been nothing if not entertaining teaching him to drive a stick. I’m pretty sure I’m suffering from whiplash after yesterday’s driving lesson. Took me back to when I was learning to drive my new (to me) ’79 Chevette.

When he saw his new cell phone he said, “I knew I was getting a cell phone.”

“How?” I asked.

“Because my phone just went out of service a little bit ago.”

So maybe I shouldn’t have activated it until after he opened his presents?

He seems pretty happy with his gifts…especially that new phone. Does he like the phone better than the car? What kind of teenager is this?

And this year we actually had candles. No improvising like last year.

I hope he made a good wish. Although he already got a car. What’s left to wish for, right?

Happy 17TH Bearthday Justis!

When you were a kid did you ever try to get a glimpse of late night Skinemax through the snowy lines that show up when the cable company blocks a channel? Or maybe your parents subscribed and you invite your friends over while your parents were at work so they could watch the naughty channels on your TV? Did you ever sneak a Playboy to school to show all your friends? Well today that could land you in juvie.

Last week two fifth grade boys in Salt Lake City were goofing off and did a Google search for the word “lesbian.” Instead of the definition of the word on Wikipedia, they found dirty, nasty porn. Like many curious 11-year-old boys they showed it off to their peers. One child told his/her parent and another child told the principal. The school reacted by suspending the boys for 2 days and calling the police.

The school district spokeswoman, Rhonda Bromley, said the school involved the police “based on the seriousness of the case.” Really?!? The SERIOUSNESS of the CRIME. Two curios boys looked at porn on the internet…like how many of us snuck a peek at dirty magazines when we were that age. And then, thinking they were the bomb, they shared it with their classmates. Probably while giggling like…well, schoolchildren. And that’s SERIOUS? And a CRIME? When the hell did society get so prudish? When the fuck did we start involving the police and threatening court and juvenile detention rather than just disciplining our children?

Bromley continued with, “…what they did was inappropriate, and it was wrong, so as educators and a society hopefully we need to help them learn that. It’s a little disappointing to hear people say, ‘Boys will be boys.’ … I don’t know what the magic age is when people can stop saying ‘Well, boys will be boys.’” Well you know what? These boys actually are boys. Boys who are curious about their bodies. Boys who are curious about girl’s bodies. Boys who wonder about this mysterious thing called “sex” that they see all over television, in movies, on the front page of gossip rags, and depicted in advertising. And all of the adults in their lives tell them it’s taboo so they seek information elsewhere.

Police Sgt. Gregg Ludlow said, “Our main emphasis is not to hammer these kids. If we can get them into the juvenile justice system and make sure they’re getting some counseling or other services, that’s our end goal.” Yeah, ’cause a juvenile record is such a great way to learn a lesson for the crime of being curious and trying to be cool. And counseling?!? For looking at porn a couple times on the school computer. Shit, if looking at porn on the internet a few times requires counseling Lee and I better call a psychiatrist first thing in the morning.

First we’re charging teens with child pornography and adding them to the sex offender list for innocently sending naked pictures of themselves to their boyfriend/girlfriend. And now we’re charging 11-year-olds for showing their friends some porn they found on the internet. What’s next? Charging toddlers for indecent exposure when they won’t keep their clothes on?

I’m not saying that it’s ok for teens to send naked pictures of themselves. Or for 11-year-old boys to pass pornography around at school. But it’s not criminal. It’s a learning experience punishable by discipline. You know things like grounding, taking away their cell phone, hiding the video games, etc. Surely police have better things to do then discipline our children with handcuffs and threats of jail.

Today was a Monday.

No I haven’t lost my calendar. I know technically today was Wednesday. But it sure felt like a Monday.

It all started when I got out of bed…

When my alarm went off at 6:50, I glared it wishing it to shut the hell up. But it just kept right on beeping. So I hit snooze.

10 minutes later when that fucking thing starting beeping again I gave some serious thought to just turning it off, rolling over, and dreaming about an academy award winning performance of “oh shit my alarm never went off” to be performed about 2 hours later. Instead I hit snooze to think it over.

10 more minutes and I realized I had to drag my tired butt out of bed and get in the shower. No skipping school. I’m an adult now. I need to be responsible. Or at least put some sort of effort towards responsible. So I slithered down to the laundry room/place-where-I-keep-my-clothes-because-I’m-too-lazy-to-carry-them-allll-the-waaaayyy-up-to-my-room for clothes and a towel.

I made my way to the bathroom and jumped in the shower. The shower that has a new “green” shower head that I’d like to rip off, throw in the street, and then drive over about 50 times. Going green is a wonderful thing. And I hope to go green in many aspects of our lives. But my shower head is not one of those ways. The water comes out so slowly it takes me twice as long to wash my hair in freezing cold water since the teens stole all the hot water. Green shower heads can kiss my ass. I want a shower head that beats me in the head with it’s pressure. A shower head that screams “wake up you lazy ass.”

As I was putting my shoes on I realized I only had 10 minutes to get to school. I need at least 15. So I was going to be late.

I gave Lee a quick kiss and scrambled towards the door when Lee said, “Oh shit.” I could read his mind and knew exactly what he was oh shitting about. He forgot to put gas in my truck. And I was on E. I was below E.

“Great. Now I’m really going to be late because I have to get gas,” I grumbled as I stomped out the door.

I made it about three blocks before the truck died. Out of gas.

FUCK!

We live right by a gas station. It’s just six blocks away. I couldn’t even make it 6 blocks for crying out loud.

Lee had to bring me some gas. But the truck still wouldn’t start. So we jumped it. Still nothing.

We got more gas. We jumped it again. Nothing.

Great.

Lee gave it one more go. One last jump before we lost our damn minds right there in the middle of the street. And the truck started.

By that point I was 45 minutes late for school. So I skipped anyway.

I should have just stayed in bed. You should always go with your first instinct.