Like every Monday for the past three weeks, I scrambled to get my laptop stuffed in it’s bag, my purse out of my cabinet, and my phone on make busy so I could rush out the door. Like every day of my life, I was running late.

I don’t get off work until 5:30. I have class at 6pm. And it’s a 45 minute drive from work to school. So every Monday (and Wednesday) I either leave work early or get to class late. This is the struggle I’ve faced many days over the last several years as I balance family, work, and school.

Today I was running out the door at 5:30. Today I was going to be late for school.

I flew down the interstate trying to stay sort of within the speed limit and yet speeding at the same time. It’s an art I’ve learned well.

I pulled in to the parkade, spiraled around to the 6th floor (I have no idea why it was so busy today), and finally found a spot. I rushed out of my truck and down the path on the way to my building.

The cold air inside Sheaffer Hall hit me square in the face as I ran through the door. I shuffled across the hall to my classroom. Swung open the door. And stopped dead in my tracks.

The room was completely empty. WTF?!?

I walked back in to the courtyard and called Lee. “Check my email. Is there an email from my teacher?” I asked. Nothing.

I checked our class website to see if he’d left some kind of message there. Nothing.

I was pissed. Dude, I drive 45 minutes to get to this stupid class. With gas prices teetering at just under $3.00 a gallon, driving 45 miles there and back for NOTHING makes me a little hot under the collar.

I huffed it back to my car, spiraled back down to the main floor to pay, and headed back home. Pissed.

As I exited the interstate near my house, I stopped behind a car at the red light. The light turned green but the car didn’t move. After a couple seconds I looked in the back window and saw the driver staring off to the right looking at the car next to him. So I honked my horn.

The driver was not pleased that I honked my horn. He looked in his rear view mirror at me. And I think I even saw him snear at me. Then he started moving forward. Slowly.

Seriously?!? Today?!? When I’m already pissed off. You want to play a game of chicken?!? Really?!?

He’s driving a little Chevy Lumina. I’m driving a big Chevy Tahoe. I give serious thought to throwing it in 4WD and driving up over the back of his trunk like a monster truck. But I remained calm.

He continued to drive slow all the way to the next light. I don’t normally have road rage. I gave up road rage for Lent several years ago when my kids were all young and it scared them when mommy was yelling out the window like a crazy person. But that rage? It was coming back today.

When we got near the light I slipped in to the turning lane on the right, leaned out my window and flipped that asshole off. I gave him the death stare, daring him to follow me. He chose not to. A wise choice my man.

When I got home I slipped out of my work clothes (jeans and a t-shirt…it’s a casual work environment), put on my tankini, and climbed in to the hot tub. The hot tub my husband just bought on Craiglist for $150. Dude, Craigslist rocks. That hot tub was so worth $150 and much more. ‘Cause the stress of the day has already been washed off.

Only four and a half more weeks of school.

Is it just me or has Tuesday become the new Monday? Or maybe it’s just because I have class at 8am on Tuesdays. You know how excited I am about 8am classes.

Summer classes are always tough. Professors have to cram 16 weeks of material in to an 8 week summer course. That usually means you spend just about every night studying when what you really want to do is enjoy a glass of wine (or 6) by the pool while having good conversation with awesome friends. I was up pretty late last night studying, trying to catch up from choosing to spend the weekend with the family rather than the books. Finally at 2am I couldn’t take it anymore and went to bed.

As I was crawling in to bed Lee remembered neither his van nor my truck had any gas in them. This time it really would be Lee’s fault because he was the last person to drive my truck. And was fully aware of it’s gas deficiency. I grumbled about having to get up even early now to stop and get gas…as if getting us at 6:30 wasn’t bad enough. Being a wonderful husband (or so I thought) he agreed to get up when I did to take the truck up to get gas while I was in the shower. So I rolled over and went to sleep.

Fast forward (although you don’t have to fast forward to far since it was only 4 hours later) to this morning. I jumped in the shower. Lee drove up and got gas. All was good. Or was it.

About 15 minutes in to my trip, as I’m flying down the interstate at 75 mph, I noticed the hood of my truck was shaking a little bit. “That’s odd,” I thought.

A few minutes later I realized it was not only shaking, but it was partially open. Wholly open hood Batman. My immediate thought was it was going to fly up, smash in to my windshield and I’d be dead. Not even making it to this stupid 8am class.

Then I had to put my statistics thinking cap on and start figuring the probability of (1) getting hit by a car AND DYING if I pulled over on the side of the road to shut it, (2) making it to the next exit before it got enough air under the hood to fly open and KILL ME, or (3) having a heart attack from the stress of not having a chance to tell my kids good-bye before my untimely DEMISE on the interstate.

Way too much math for 7:30am on a Monday Tuesday.

I decided to slow down, get behind a semi so he could block some of the wind, and get off on the next exit. And I called Lee to bitch him out for not shutting my hood.

He doesn’t even remember opening my hood. He thinks he may have subconsciously popped the hood to check the oil and then forgot he popped the hood before he walked the long distance from the driver’s side to the front of the truck.

But it was 7am. And we didn’t go to bed until 2am. So I’ll let him off with his defense of exhaustion. This time.

I received a comment to my post Dad’s are good parents too that requires a rather lengthy response. So I just decided to make it a blog post. You know, since I’ve been neglecting my blog for the last week anyway.

Leme wants to know why I’m upset that people slam stay-at-home dads “when we have been criticizing women who stay at home, for the past 40 years.” As if the fact that moms have been criticized for staying home makes it ok to then criticize fathers. That’s like saying Jimmy punched Sam because Sam stole his basketball. Ever heard the saying two wrongs don’t make a right?

So let’s break the comment down:

I would sincerely like to know why it is wrong to criticize men for staying home and not having a career, when we have been criticizing women who stay at home, for the past 40 years?

Did you read my post? Because I believe I explained why it’s wrong. I also NEVER once criticized women who stay home. It is wrong to criticize ANYBODY for staying home. What business is it of yours what my family or any other family does? If you want to stay home, if your spouse wants to stay home, if you both want to work, whatever…that is a decision for you and your family. Not anybody else’s concern. You’re use of “we” is a very general term, but that “we” does not include me or really anybody that I know. I know plenty of stay-at-home moms AND dads and none of us have been criticizing anybody for staying home this year or any time in the last 40 years.

Ever since Betty Friedan’s book The Feminine Mystique, we have been told that it is absolutely essential for women to have careers because staying at home would leave them depressed and unfulfilled. Also women have been told that staying at home puts them in the position of being dependent on their husbands and therefore unequal and unprepared to support themselves in the event of their husband leaving them due to divorce or death.

Friedan’s goal wasn’t to criticize stay-at-home moms. She was fighting for equal rights for women. She also talked about her own loneliness and the isolation many women did (and still do) feel at home. Part of her goal was to inform women. Personally I think some of the points Friedan and many of the other prominent feminists is good for woman to know. It’s good for women to realize they have opportunities and don’t have to stay home if they don’t want to. Woman have options. They can get an education. They can work. They can marry. They can have children. Or they can do them all. Or none of them. Or pick and choose. Being informed about your options is never a bad thing. It only helps you make better, informed decisions and look at the pros and cons of those decisions.

Do you also respond with anger when you hear stay at home moms ridiculed and put-down and told that they should have careers instead of being at home?

As stated above, yes.

Do you also object when young women are told that they should be certain to get a good education so they can have a career and support themselves and not be dependent on a man?

No. I think all people, regardless of gender, should get an education and learn to support themselves. These are important lessons for every young person to learn. Having options isn’t bad a bad thing. Telling young people to get an education because it will help them with their future goals is a good thing. If they fall in love, get married, have children and choose to stay home rather than pursue a career then that’s their choice. But at least they were able to make an informed decision about that choice.

Why is it wrong to tell a man he shouldnt be dependent on a woman, but not equally wrong to tell a woman she shouldn’t be dependent on a man but should instead have her own income?

It’s wrong for anybody to stick their nose in to other people’s business and act like they have the authority to tell them how to manage their families.

I don’t believe the message (at least not the message I give) is that woman should always have their own income and never be dependent on a man. However, as I’ve stated several times it needs to be her informed decision.

And I don’t believe there should be his and her income in a marriage. You are married. That income supports your whole family (dad, mom, and children)…not just the person whose name is on the paycheck.

Finally being dependent on somebody isn’t always about money. I am dependent on my husband to be a good partner. To help me with the kids. And to help me with the household. It would be extremely hard to provide for my family on my own, therefore I’m dependent on my husband to help support our family.

You object to people saying your husband should get a job. Why do you object to that?

Because it’s nobody’s business but ours. We support our family. We don’t live on welfare. Nobody else supports us. It’s our decision, and nobody else’s, whether we’ve decided to allow my husband to be the stay-at-home parent or not.

Isn’t that exactly what we’ve been telling women for the past 40 years?

Some people have been trying to force women to get a job, but they are the minority. There are still a lot of stay-at-home moms in the U.S. According to the U.S. Census 5.4M moms were stay-at-home moms in 2004. And in fact the number of stay-at-home moms (and dads) has grown in almost every year from 1995 to 2006. So clearly there is still a large group of women who either aren’t hearing this message or don’t care what some blow hard has to say about the SAHM’s own family.

You object to people saying your husband shouldn’t be dependent on you? Why do you object to that? Isn’t that the exact same thing we’ve been telling women?

Again, because it’s nobody’s business but ours. And, like I’ve said repeatedly, we aren’t all telling women that either.

And actually, for the record, my objection is to people who think stay-at-home dads are unnatural or call them a pussy or whatever else they have to say about stay-at-home dads. I don’t believe I ever spoke of dependency. Being dependent on each other is part of a marriage whether you work or not. And really has nothing to do with money.

Your marriage has gotten stronger because your husband stays home? And if a man said his marriage is stronger because his wife stays home, feminists would want to lynch him.

I think many feminists would be offended by this comment. Yes, some feminists do take it to the extreme, but the majority are looking for equal rights. Not cutting down men. They want things like equal opportunity in jobs and education, women executives, and equal pay. They don’t want to be told they have to sit home, raise their children, and service their husbands…unless they they want to. If a woman was staying home only because her husband or society wanted her to, not because it was a decision she made, then a man wouldn’t be able to claim his marriage is stronger. An unhappy wife does not make a marriage stronger.

It makes for a stronger marriage when one partner is financially dependent on the other? Good, then lets tell the feminists that they are completely wrong to call for equality in marriage!

No, feminists are absolutely right in asking for equality in marriage. But equality in marriage doesn’t mean both partners in the marriage make the same amount of money and do the same chores and split everything 50/50. Equality in marriage isn’t about the individual marriage. It’s about marriage as a whole. We need to move away from the assumption that the man works and the woman stays home in every family. Families need to be able to make their own decisions about what works best for their family.

If you think that staying home is so wonderful I’m sure that you will encourage your daughter and all other young women to avoid careers and be a full time stay at home parent because that’s the way to have a strong marriage and “really bond” with your kids, won’t you? Yeah right!

This doesn’t really make any sense. Why would I tell my daughter to be a stay-at-home mom when I myself am a working mom. Don’t you mean I will tell my sons to all be stay-at-home dads since that’s what we do in our family?

But to answer your question, no. I encourage all of my children to do well in school and to be independent. I don’t want any of my children to have to be dependent on somebody else. They need to be able to stand on their own. Then when they are older and fall in love they can make the decision that is best for their family. They can work with their partner to determine the dynamics of their marriage. They won’t have to be told by their partner what will happen in their family. They will be an active and informed contributor to their relationship.

Again, please tell me why it is wrong to condemn men who stay at home, while it’s not wrong to condemn women who stay at home and tell them they should have careers instead?

It’s wrong because both men and women can be loving and caring parents. It’s wrong because children gain important lessons from both parents and should be allowed to spend quality time with both their mother and their father. Gone are the days when dads came home from work, sat down to read the paper and ignore their kids. Raising children is not woman’s work. Raising children is parent’s work. And telling a dad he is a pussy because he spends time with his children is an ignorant comment that serves no purpose in an intelligent discussion about raising children and what’s right for families. But most importantly it’s wrong because IT’S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.

Today is my 35th birthday. Yeah, I said it. 35. I’m not ashamed. I’m 35.

My mom’s birthday is Saturday. She probably doesn’t want me to tell you how old she is so I’ll just leave it at…it’s her birthday.

To celebrate we are taking (or actually are currently on) a mother/daughter trip to Las Vegas. I’m really hoping there’s some sort of birthday girl jackpot. (Shouldn’t there be like a $35M jackpot for the birthday girl turning 35?) But I haven’t been able to find it just yet.

So to celebrate I’ve made a list of 35 things I’ll be doing in Vegas over the next three days.

1. Call Lee and the kids every day. I miss them already.
2. Live tweet my trip on Twitter. Follow me at http://twitter.com/thebeanblog.
3. Gamble.
4. See Criss Angel Believe at the MGM.
5. Drink out of a big ol’ glass shaped like a building.
6. Wander around on the strip.
7. Stuff myself at a buffet.
8. Watch the Fountains at Bellagio.
9. See Zumanity at New York, New York.
10. Lounge around the pool with a good book.
11. Stay up way past my bedtime.
12. Sleep in without getting woken up by kids fighting over a video game.
13. Drink at the Bar at Times Square in the New York/New York Hotel
14. Hop on the Las Vegas Strip Trolley for trip down Las Vegas Blvd.
15. See Legends in Concert at Harrah’s.
16. Gamble.
17. Have a margarita at Margaritaville at the Flamingo
18. See the city from the Eiffel tower at Paris Las Vegas
19. See the Aquarium at the Atlantis Fountain at the Forum Shops
20. Watch the sharks eat at the Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay
21. Do a little window shopping at all the little shops.
22. Run in to a celebrity.
23. Take more pictures than any one person should.
24. Visit Elvis at Madame Tussauds wax museum at the Venetian Hotel
25. Watch the volcano erupt in front of the Mirage Hotel
26. I’d like to ride the roller coaster at NY, NY, but I doubt I’ll convince my mom to go with me. Will I go alone?
27. Gamble
28. Try not to get arrested.
29. Enjoy an alcoholic beverage while walking down the street.
30. Take a power nap when needed.
31. Eat at Planet Hollywood or the Hard Rock…or both.
32. Buy gifts for my kids.
33. Buy souvenirs for my girl friends.
34. Win a big jackpot.
35. Have fun!

If you’re in Vegas give me a holla and we’ll share one of those big drinks in the shape of a building.