Do I look like a girl who camps?

This has been a whirlwind month for the kids.

We started the month with 4th of July activities. Skyler’s cheer team performed in the parade. We had our annual family picnic with my dad’s side of the family. The three younger kids ran in the annual Kids Fun Run. We watched the fireworks (the first ones back downtown since the horrible flood of 2008). And we had several family meals.

Then the kids headed to Chicago with my mom. For two weeks. They went to Navy Pier, saw tons of movies and went swimming almost every day.

We got to see them for a day and a half before they all headed off to church camp. Keaton went to West Virginia for a mission trip. And Skyler, Spencer, and Caleb headed to a nearby camp for some fun outdoor activities.

This weekend we picked them up from camp and immediately headed to Des Moines for a soccer tournament. And by immediately I mean after a stop at home for showers.

I completely underestimated how dirty the outdoors is. I know, right? Who knew spending a week in the forest with bugs and mud and creek water could be so disgusting?

Skyler was in a Music, Art, Drama camp so we headed up to camp early to catch her performance. They wrote their own musical to perform for parents. It was very cute. They did a fantastic job.

The second I saw her I was a little taken aback by how filthy and tangled her hair was. I turned to Lee and said, “Ok we are going to HAVE to make time to stop at home for showers.”

This might come as a shock to you, but I’m not really an outdoorsy person. You’re shocked, right? We were at camp for an hour; watching Skyler’s performance and picking up the kids. I spent the entire hour trying not to have a panic attack. The second I stepped in to the lodge my OCD kicked in and I wanted to scream “NOBODY TOUCH ME UNTIL YOU WASH YOUR HANDS!” But I took a deep breath (which was difficult since the lodge smelled like animal urine), plastered on a fake smile, and tried to make the best of it.

Kids love that kind of thing. Dirt, mud, creek stomping. They were in their element. Me? I was all, “Grab your stuff. Let’s get the hell out of here.” A couple weeks ago Keaton said we should buy an RV and go camping in the summers. My response? Do I look like a girl who camps? When Keaton was in Boy Scouts Lee went on every camping trip or Keaton didn’t go. I would have passed out the first time I accidentally stepped in a mud puddle. Or starved because you know my OCD won’t allow me to eat from some rusty skillet held over a fire made with dirty sticks rather than a stove.

Stopping home would likely make us late for the soccer tournament, but I didn’t care. Showers were necessary if I was going to sit in the car with the kids for a couple of hours. And I’m sure Spencer’s teammates would appreciate the sacrifice of a shower.

As soon as we got home they all jumped in the shower. And I went through their bags. I dumped the bags directly in the laundry room. Towels and bathing suits were covered in smelly water, small tree branches and dried up leaves. I did everything I could to stop dry heaving as I stuffed the washing machine full of camp clothes. Several pairs of socks that used to be white were now black. I just threw those away. For my sanity I would rather spend $10 on a package of new socks then continue to touch those stinky, mud-filled socks. I’m seriously thinking about throwing away a couple pairs of shoes too. YUCK!

I’m thinking next year Lee can pick the kids up from camp and wash all their clothes. I’ll spend the weekend at the spa.