Lee moved back to his grandma’s and I stayed in the apartment waiting out my six month lease. Having gone back to school to become a certified nurses aide, I quite my job at Wendy’s and began working third shift at a nursing home. It was exhausting being up all night. Plus being pregnant.
In January I started spotting. And I was freaking out. I was just barely three months pregnant and terrified I was having a miscarriage. Up until that point I hadn’t really connected with the pregnancy. It just didn’t seem real to me. I was so young at only 19. I was single, since Lee and I had broken up. I was scared about how my life would change. I was a smart girl who graduated with honors. So how did I get to this point? A college drop out? And about to me a single mom?
But when I started spotting I went to see my OB-GYN. By myself. And I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the very first time. I could hear the swish swish swish and I knew that was my baby chillin’ out in my uterus. It made it all very real. And then I had my first ultrasound. It didn’t look like much. Just like a paisley or a crooked teardrop really. But I could see the heart beating. And I was instantly in love.
After that scare I decided I needed to find a new job. We don’t really know why I started spotting. It happens to a lot of women and really was nothing to worry about. But I didn’t want to take any chances. I decided to quit my job where I was lifting patients to get them to the bathroom or get them dressed. And I took a second shift job behind a desk. This freed up some time so I could hang out with my friends after work again.
After dating for almost six months, Lee and I had some mutual friends. Mainly his best friend’s girlfriend, Lori, had become a friend of mine. And I think they felt a little sorry for me being pregnant and all alone so they invited me over quite a bit. We would hang out watching movies or playing
cards drinking games. My drink of choice had become water for the next 9 months. Do you know how hard it is to slam a glass of water? It’s not like beer. I always ended up with the hiccups. But I digress…
Lee would be there too. But we sat on opposite sides of the room. And pretty much ignored each other. Sometime we’d get in a snide remark aimed at the other. But mostly we acted like the other didn’t exist.
Well, except for the booty calls. Lee would often call me at 2am, after the bars had closed and invite me out to breakfast. Or somebody would call me to tell me Lee was wasted and would I please come pick him up. And I would always go because (1) I was pregnant and ALWAYS craved bacon. (2) I was still holding on to hope that we would get back together. And (3) I was young and stupid. At 2am, and drunk, Lee would become very sentimental. “I’m so sorry,” he would say. “I really do love you.” But I knew that when he woke up the next morning he wouldn’t even remember who took him home, let alone what he said to me the night before.
Then Lee joined a bowling league with his best friend. I knew Lori would be there watching her boyfriend. So I decided to join her. Get in some friends time. AND make myself available for a rekindling of love.
Well a romance was rekindled. But it wasn’t between me and Lee.