Yesterday, coming off of our Christmas high, we decided to head to the movie theater for a little Sherlock Holmes.

There are two main movie theaters in town. The one clear across town that is only a couple years old and yet still have the games in the game room don’t work. The theater seats are not all that comfortable. And the popcorn is terrible…unless you enjoy chewing on cardboard that will leave you sitting on the toilet for hours later in the day. [There's a visual for ya. You're welcome.]

We prefer the theater that is not far from our house. It’s older but well taken care of. The seats are nice. The popcorn is yummy. And it’s not usually as crowded.

So we headed over to our favorite theater where my mom and grandma met us. We got out tickets and headed in to the lobby. There are concession stands on both sides of the lobby. But I have never, ever seen both sides open at the same time. Even when it’s busy (like, say, the day after Christmas) they still only have side open. It’s always irritated me, but I’d still rather stand in line for a few extra minutes then have to eat stale popcorn at the other theater.

Yesterday was a particularly busy day. They, of course, only had one side open. But they also only had two people working the concessions. TWO people. Seriously?!? The day after Christmas? The TWO lines weaved through the video games until the people in the back of the line could literally sit on the counter of the concessions on the other side of the lobby. Nice.

We ended up standing in that line for THIRTY minutes. THIRTY MINUTES! For popcorn. But we were willing to do it because a movie just isn’t the same without popcorn and syrupy soda. Plus we brought our buckets.

Our theater had this promotion a year ago where you could buy an Indiana Jones bucket and then every time you brought it back they would refill it for $0.50. About six months after that they had another promotion where you could buy a Jonas Bros bucket and refill it for $1. The Indiana Jones bucket expired in May, but the Jonas Bros buckets are still in use. We have one Indiana Jones bucket and two Jonas Bros buckets. We usually bring all three buckets and then just pay for a large popcorn that they put in to the Indiana Jones bucket. That way we all have a noise-free bucket to eat out off and there’s no fighting.

By the time we finally got up to the stand Lee put all three buckets down. The girl behind the counter said, “This one’s expired.” To which Lee replied, “Yeah, I know. We want to pay for a large popcorn and just put it in this bucket.”

The girl kind of rolled her eyes. I said, “Wow she’s friendly.”

Lee replied, “Well I think she just doesn’t understand what I’m asking.”

Wait for it….

The girl then said with all the attitude her little teenage self could muster, “No. I understood you. It was the way you said it. You didn’t ask me. You just told me.”

I started laughing and said, “Are you kidding me? For real?”

And my mom exploded, “WE’VE BEEN STANDING IN THIS FUCKING LINE FOR 30 MINUTES…” and several more choice words. I was actually very proud of this teenage girl because she didn’t cry while my mom was berating her. I’ve seen grown woman cry when my mom goes off on them before.

I walked over to the ticket office to ask for the manager and my mom followed me. She chewed out some poor teen named Jimmy who said, “I’m not in charge. Do you want me to get the manager?” Yes, Jimmy. It’s probably best you get the manager.

As the teenage girl was finishing up our order, angrily throwing down cups, tossing lids on the floor, and asking through clenched teeth, “Do you want anything else?” I saw Jimmy and the manager coming our way. “Don’t swear at him,” I warned my mom.

Thankfully mom remained calm as she told the manager what had just happened. He offered to give us a free ticket which she declined. It wasn’t about the money. We’re willing to pay for everything, but I sure as hell will not have some 17-year-old girl talk to me like the world revolves around her.

Not once were we rude to this girl. Granted Lee didn’t ask her if she’d be willing to charge us a large and, instead of putting it in a bag, put the popcorn in our bucket. But he certainly wasn’t being snotty with her. He wasn’t telling her what to do. He was ordering. And we go to movies all the time and often use our expired bucket in this way. Never once have any of the workers had a problem with it. And if this particular girl had an issue with it she could have just said, “I’m not sure I can do that.” And we would have been fine with it. She could have just put it in a bag and we would have poured it in to our bucket ourselves.

What happened to customer service these days? At Thanksgiving we were at a local bar downing some half-priced martinis when we got the rudest waitress I’ve ever experienced. How do these people get jobs? If you aren’t a people person. Fine. I’m not either. But don’t work a job that deals with people if you can’t even fake a smile. Go do data entry or something. But please get out of the service industry before I have to bitch slap you. I’m just sayin.

So I wrote this whole post about this article. It was all about how government is always trying to be our mom telling us what we can and can’t do in the name of keeping us safe. And how the government needs to stay out of our business and let us make our own decisions…bad (even lethal) or not.

And then my site went down (because apparently Dreamhost doesn’t understand what NaBloPoMo is exactly) and WordPress ate my post (because they hate me). So instead this is what you get for Wednesday’s post. Me whining about Dreamhost and WordPress. You’re welcome.

This morning I got an email from the school superintendent. It read, “There is a current controversy about President Obama’s speech to the nation’s school children next Tuesday. The district is receiving conflicting feedback from parents and others about whether and how the district will handle this situation.”

And this is how I learned about the controversial “Back to School” speech President Obama will be giving on Tuesday; the first day of school for many children across the United States. The White House says President Obama wants to talk to school children directly to encourage them to “work hard, set educational goals, and take responsibility for their learning.” Conservatives, however, believe this is just an excuse for President Obama to drill his socialist ideals in to the minds of children.

Republican Party of Florida Chairman Jim Greer said:

I am absolutely appalled that taxpayer dollars are being used to spread President Obama’s socialist ideology. The idea that school children across our nation will be forced to watch the President justify his plans for government-run health care, banks, and automobile companies, increasing taxes on those who create jobs, and racking up more debt than any other President, is not only infuriating, but goes against beliefs of the majority of Americans, while bypassing American parents through an invasive abuse of power. While I support educating our children to respect both the office of the American President and the value of community service, I do not support using our children as tools to spread liberal propaganda.

Drama queen much? How did a speech about hard work, education goals, and personal responsibility turn in to the President talking to first graders about a government-run health care plan (as if they’d even understand what the hell that meant…even high schoolers would be a little sketchy on that)?

Several parents are calling and emailing school principals to ask the school not to air the speech. A few parents have decided they will go to school with their child on Tuesday to watch the speech with their child. Some parents are drafting letters as we speak excusing their child from the speech. Others have threatened to keep their kids out of school on Tuesday.

I can’t believe we are even having this discussion. I can’t believe we are having this fight. Seriously?!?

You don’t want your kids to listen to a speech on education? You don’t want your kids to work hard, set educational goals, and take responsibility for their learning? Really? These are all lessons we are already trying to teach our kids. But the response we usually get from our kids is a big, heavy sigh and maybe even an eye roll. If we’re lucky we get an, “I know. I know. You’ve told me this a million times.” My kids are now tuning me out. So I welcome another authoritative figure preaching the importance of education to my kids.

The political process has always been a part of the curriculum at schools. We all spent hours and hours in a social studies class learning about government and presidents and world leaders. We need to take an interest in government. We need to listen to what our politicians are saying to us so we can make informed decisions and vote intelligently. Why not start this habit early with a speech on education?

I am an extremely liberal Democrat, but I don’t agree with everything President Obama says and does. However, I welcome his message of “stay in school” and “work hard.” I didn’t like President Bush. In fact “didn’t like” is being really nice. But if President Bush wanted to address my children and preach a message on the importance of education I would have welcomed it.

What would President Obama have to gain by “brainwashing” students with his “liberal propaganda?” It’s the beginning of his term. He already has the job. He’s not campaigning for votes. And most of these kids won’t be old enough to vote in 2012. These kids have no political influence. So why bother “indoctrinating” them?

And, even if President Obama does slip in some propaganda (although I seriously doubt he will), how would one speech brainwash them? Does President Obama have some super power I’m unaware of. You are the parent. You’ve been preaching your ideas to kids their whole life. Is one short speech from President Obama going to overturn all of that?

You want to take action. Fine. Get acquainted with the speech yourself. The White House has promised to post the transcript on Monday so you can read it before you children watch it. Or you can watch the video live on TV or streaming on you computer. Talk to your kids about the speech. Talk to them about your beliefs, your opinions, your morals. Give them exposure to both sides and trust them to make their own decision.

Like I said, I’m a liberal Democrat. My 15-year-old son? A Republican. [I know, I don't know where I went wrong.] I often call him Alex P. Keaton (you know, cause his name is Keaton). We have some pretty good debates; me arguing for the liberal side and him arguing for the conservative side. He makes some excellent points and he amazes me with how well thought out some of his arguments are. Although I wish he was a democrat I’m glad he’s not claiming to be a democrat just because I am. I’m glad he’s taken the time to think it through and form his own opinions. Let your kids use their brain, improve their critical thinking skills, and get involved in government.

So what are the big arguments against President Obama’s speech?

Hall Pass on That says,
Yes, presidents have spoken to schoolchildren before, but when circumstances required it. President Ronald Reagan addressed students after the Challenger shuttle disaster was witnessed live by millions of schoolchildren; George H. W. Bush addressed students as part of the effort to counteract the growing drug use by schoolchildren.

The only time President Reagan addressed schoolchildren was after the space shuttle disaster? Really? On May 13, 1986 (almost 5 months after the Challenger disaster) President Reagan addressed a group of high school students in his Remarks and a Question-and-Answer Session With Students of John A. Holmes High School of Edenton, North Carolina. And if you read the transcript of this speech you will see that President Reagan did express his political agenda. It was not a speech that was given because “circumstances required it.”

But President Reagan’s speech wasn’t broadcast to millions of schoolchildren? Actually it was broadcast on the Instructional Television Network. And in the speech President Reagan said, “As you know, my remarks are being broadcast live over radio and television to high school students throughout the country.” However, in 1986 not many schools had televisions in the classroom.

But President Reagan was talking to high school students? President Obama wants to talk to younger children too. Ok, so in 1991 the first President Bush addressed a classroom of junior high students in his October 1, 1991 speech (which, btw, was just a year before the 1992 election in which he was a candidate) Remarks to Students and Faculty at Alice Deal Junior High School. This speech was also broadcast live by the Cable News Network, the Public Broadcasting System, the Mutual Broadcasting System, and the NBC radio network. In 1991, thanks to Channel One, more schools were installing TVs in the classroom, but it still wasn’t the norm. However, President Bush started the speech with, “Thank you, Ms. Mostoller, and thanks for allowing me to visit your classroom to talk to you and all these students, and millions more in classrooms all across the country.”

And President Bush did address drugs in his speech…briefly. Go read it. Out of roughly 30 paragraphs three are on the subject of staying off drugs. THREE out of THIRTY. I wouldn’t consider the speech a plea to “Just Say No” as Nancy Reagan coined. The gist of the speech is about education. About staying in school and working hard. Sound familiar?

President Bush ended his speech with:

Let me leave you with a simple message: Every time you walk through that classroom door, make it your mission to get a good education. Don’t do it just because your parents, or even the President, tells you. Do it for yourselves. Do it for your future. And while you’re at it, help a little brother or sister to learn, or maybe even Mom or Dad. Let me know how you’re doing. Write me a letter — and I’m serious about this one — write me a letter about ways you can help us achieve our goals. I think you know the address.

Did you catch that last part? “Write me a letter about ways you can help us achieve our goals.” Hmm…President Bush was asking kids to send him a letter to tell him some ways kids can help President Bush achieve these goals. Sounds a little familiar doesn’t it? Sounds exactly like what President Obama was asking our kids to do on Tuesday. Only today’s republicans think asking “What can you do to help your President?” means President Obama is brainwashing our kids. Double standard much?

If President Bush can give a speech to millions of kids in classrooms all across the country (Bush’s words, not mine) about the importance of education, why can’t President Obama? Why don’t circumstances warrant it today? We still have a pretty high drop out rate in the U.S. There are still kids not living up to their potential. Wouldn’t another little push from the president be a big help?

Hall Pass on That continues with:

Parents have a right to know what their children are exposed to in school – even if it is from the President of the United States. If what he has to say is so important, he would have gone through the proper channels to do it. That includes allowing parents, eduactors [sic], school boards to preview before airing it to minors. What if he “mis-speaks” about something again? What if he calls Policemen “idiots” again. That would be very harmful to children. He also has a real habit of telling “non-truths”. This man has a different value system than I do. It is my right and duty as a parent to protect my children.

Do your children’s teachers give you a transcript of what they will say in the classroom each day? Do guest speakers that come to the school give you transcripts? Does your preacher give you a transcript? How about the checkout girl at Wal-Mart? Any of these people could have a political agenda. Any of these people could mis-speak. Heck, sometimes I would cringe when an older family member would say something politically incorrect in front of my kids. And yet I never asked for a transcript before going over to grandma’s house. Teachers give us the gist of what they will teach in their classrooms and we trust them to do their jobs. President Obama gave us the gist of what he’ll be saying to students and we need to trust him to do his job.

Katie Gordon, a spokeswoman for the Florida Republican Party, says the problem is not that President Obama is giving a speech to children (after all, other presidents have done that). The problem is with the accompanying lesson plans. The “lesson plans” she refers to are actually called a Menu for Classroom Activities. Our school superintendent addressed the menu well:

Several thoughts went through my head as I read the documents:
• The suggested activities are educationally sound strategies to encourage deeper thinking.
• It can be inferred from the activities that the emphasis of the speech is “personal responsibility, persistence, and goals” related to school effort – ideas that are important in education and are not “owned’ by a particular party or political group.
• There are probably many more activities on the “menu” than any teacher would possibly use. That is why it is a menu – no one is expected to order everything on a menu or required to order anything from a menu. No one is expected to do each activity or to do
any activities.
• Our individual teachers are also capable of designing appropriate activities to extend learning and teach personal responsibility, persistence and goals in the classroom.

The menu is clearly designed to encourage discussion and critical thinking. Questions like “Who is the President of the United States? If you were President what would you tell students?” are questions any social studies teacher would ask in a normal class period. Questions like “What is the President trying to tell me? What is the President asking me to do?” and “What resonated with you from President Obama’s speech? What is President Obama inspiring you to do?” are thought provoking questions. What is President Obama inspiring me to do? Hmm…study harder, stay in school, try my best. Hardly sounds like political propaganda does it?

So before you get your panties in a wad, please do your homework. Read U.S. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan’s letter to principals. Read the Menu for Children’s Activities. Read the transcript of President Obama’s speech when it is released on Monday. Talk to your kids about the speech. Talk to you kids about the controversy surrounding the speech. And then if you still want to ban your child from listening to the speech then ok. As a parent you have that right. But I really hope you will consider allowing your child to participate.

Last week on Motherlode Lisa Belkin posted Terminating an Adoption; an essay by Anita Tedaldi’s about her failed adoption. Anita had wanted to adopt a child for many years. She did her homework, made all the preparations and adopted a baby boy. However she never felt like the baby really bonded with the family and 18 months after the adoption she made the decision to give him up to another adoptive family who she felt could better meet his needs. It’s a heart wrenching story for all involved. I encourage you to go over and read it. Don’t worry. I’ll wait.

As expected with a story like this, commenters have strong opinions about this and criticism for Anita and her decision. Anita has five biological children and a husband who is deployed overseas serving our country. Many commenters are wondering why an adoption agency would give a baby to somebody with so many kids and an “absent” father. Some wonder why she would want to adopt a baby when she already has so many children. Others go so far as to accuse her of just wanting a boy. I mean they already have 5 girls. Clearly they were just trying to add some testosterone to the household. Stories like this just bring every Judgy McJudgypants out of the woodwork.

The fact of the matter is none of us know all the details. Anita wrote about an 18 month period in a one page essay. We have no idea what she did to try to get her children to bond. We have no idea who she talked to, whether she sought counseling, what advice she followed and what she didn’t follow. There’s no mention of family that she can lean on. We don’t even know how old her five biological children are. Most importantly, none of us have walked in Anita’s shoes. But we sure have opinions about it.

One commenter wrote:

To start with, anyone with five biological children is incredibly irresponsible. Add in an often absent father, and the irresponsibility goes into the stratosphere.

It sounds like there was no effort to bond the daughters with their brother. Little wonder he couldn’t attach to anyone, he probably got, what five minutes of attention every hour in that chaotic household?
— trudy

As the mother of four biological children and stepmom to one, I take offense to that comment. What constitutes a responsible number of children? One? Two? Three? Does it depend on how much money I make? Or how much love I can give? If I don’t work can I have more children since I will presumably have more time? Or is there some kind of mandatory cut-off at which point I should yank out my uterus and declare we are done so I’m not irresponsible?

The Druggar’s are expecting their 19th child. I do not think I could handle 19 children. But the Druggars seem to be doing just fine. They raise their children on their own. And their children seem to be well adjusted. So what business is it of mine or yours or anybody else how many children they have?

Some people can’t fathom having one child. Others can raise six or eight or more very healthy and happy children. Some families thrive in calm and quiet households. Others thrive in noisy chaotic households. I thrive on chaos. I love keeping busy with my kids’ sporting events or dance recitals or music programs. I monitor their homework, communicate with their teachers, attend PTO meetings, and have my 7-year-old read to me every night. We make time for movies, dinners out, playdates, and vacations. It works for our family. We make it work.

But we aren’t perfect. Just like every other parent, we make mistakes. And we learn from those mistakes. We’re all just doing the best we can. We’re are all actually very much alike. Even if our family dynamics are different.

So can we please stop being so damn judgmental? Can we please stop calling parents irresponsible just because their families are different then yours? And can we please look up the word irresponsible in the dictionary so we use it properly? Driving drunk with your kid in the car (or driving drunk period for that matter). Irresponsible. Leaving your 2-year-old home alone all night so you could get high with your friends. Irresponsible. Having five perfectly healthy and happy kids. Not irresponsible.