When I first started working at MCI (more than 10 years ago) we got 30 sick days a year. Yes you read that right. 30! That’s a lot. Most people (at least those who were responsible employees) did not use the full 30 days each year unless they had a medical emergency or gave birth to a child. We got 30 sick days a year, but our short term disability was less than desirable so we needed those 30 days to be able to stay home after surgery or baby birthing.

When Worldcom bought us our benefits suffered slightly. Our annual sick days decreased from 30 days to 12 days. Although not 30, it was still a pretty impressive number of sick days. Our short term disability did not change. We still had to pay a small fee out of each paycheck to receive 66 2/3rd of our salary while we were on leave. And we only got that after we expired all of sick and vacation time. Which I never understood because why would they require a person to use all of their paid time when they had a baby. An infant who will likely get sick in his/her first year. And you then have no sick time to take off to care for said baby. But whatever.

Then (after Worldcom filed the biggest bankruptcy in the history of corporate bankruptcy and we changed our name back to MCI) Verizon bought us. Our sick days decreased again from 12 days to just 5 days (although to be fair we did gain a few personal days, but we also lost a couple of holidays — namely Martin Luther King Jr.’s Birthday and President’s Day). The first year after the merger my nose was acting up again. Between being out sick due to horrible headaches and awful colds that lastest weeks on end and then having surgery on my nose, I had to dip in to my vacation time for illnesses.

The next year they upped those sick days from 5 days to 8 days which I think is a good number of days for an average employee. Plus we now have free short-term disability where we get paid 100% of our salary. So that rocks.

Going from an amazing 30 sick days to a respectable 8 sick days was disappointing, but when I read that 43% of American workers don’t have any paid sick time I was feeling a little more grateful.

As it stands right now, employers don’t have to offer paid sick time. (In fact the only benefit employers are required by law to provide to employees is worker’s compensation.) Many employees are either going to work sick (where they try to work through debilitating headaches or in between vomit sessions while they also spread germs to their up-until-then healthy co-workers) or jeopardizing their jobs by staying home. The Family Medical Leave Act requires most employers to give their employees 12 weeks off for a major illness or the birth of the baby, but they aren’t required to pay them. So many employees can’t afford to take the necessary time off to recover.

An estimated 79% of low-wage workers and 80% of part-time workers do not have paid sick time, according to the Institute for Women’s Policy Research, a Washington, D.C-based organization that based its analysis on U.S. Department of Labor statistics.

These low-wage workers are typically living paycheck to paycheck. They don’t have six months salary in savings for an emergency. When they get sick they don’t get paid. Which spirals in to not being able to pay their rent or buy food for their family. They get a month behind and can’t get caught up. Even just a couple of sick days can cost them their home.

But the good news is many states are now considering laws that require employers to give their employees paid sick time. And there is a bill (called the Health Families Act) with the federal government to try to require employers with 15 or more employees to grant 7 sick days a year for employees who work 30 hours a week or a pro rata for those who work less than 30 hours. This could be a burden on some small companies, but it would be a major plus for Americans who literally cannot afford to be sick.

I’ve heard horror stories about professionals who get passed by for promotions because they have children. Or don’t get the big projects or best customers because it’s assumed they can’t put the hours like an employee without children. Or co-workers who scorn parents because they leave on time to get their children from daycare.

Have you ever felt penalized at work because you’re a parent?

More and more companies are touting how kid friendly they are. Companies have begun to offer more flexibility and benefits to compete. They’ve revamp leave policies. Some companies are allowing new moms to bring their babies to work for the first year. Many employees are telecommuting. But are parents still seen as lazy and not as capable?

I have been lucky enough to work for a company where I don’t feel a lot of backlash for my parent status. Probably three-fourths of my team members have children so we are all in the same boat. Of course there are still those that have snide comments when a parent sneaks out to have lunch with their child or leaves early for a soccer game, but those are few and far between. Most of us are very supportive of each other and our family/work balance.

Even our management is pretty supportive. I haven’t really had any difficulties leaving for school parties or taking days off for field trips. I have been promoted several times in the ten years I’ve been with the company, even though everybody is well aware that I have five kids.

A few years back we traveled to Chicago for an in-person team meeting. It was the first time we got to meet our other team members who are scattered around the country. One of my co-workers didn’t want to go. The trip was planned on short notice and was scheduled for the same time her son was in his elementary school music program. He had a big part and she wanted to be here for it. Our boss said, “just have somebody tape it for you” and kind of blew her off. That made my co-worker mad. She was upset she was going to miss his performance, but she was even angrier that our manager didn’t have any sympathy for her. Should she have sympathized with her? Should she have tried to work out a solution? Should she have allowed her to stay home for her son’s performance? Would she be seen as difficult if she refused to go…because she’s a parent?

You have to find the balance. When you are a working parent there are going to be times you will miss your kids’ activities. You’re a mom (or dad) but at work you are an employee first. Your employer is less worried about your son’s championship basketball game and more worried about keeping the business running. Don’t be fooled by their offer of flexible work schedules. Yes it’s nice, but if it didn’t help retain employees and increase productivity they wouldn’t do it.

• Work with your employer to find a solution. A few weeks ago I was getting ready to head out the door for Keaton’s last soccer game of the year. I had already told him I would be there and I planned on keeping my promise. Then I got a call from my boss. She wanted me to attend a conference call she couldn’t attend. I was stuck. In the end I agreed to take the call from my cell phone while I sat in my truck parked near the sidelines of Keaton’s game. Talk about multi-tasking. Granted I wasn’t giving either my undivided attention, but I made it work.
• Pick your battles. You can’t be in two places at once so decide when you can give in and when absolutely will not. You may need to miss a few of the regular season games, but aren’t willing to miss the state championships. Maybe you can send the cupcakes in your daughters backpack rather than attending the party yourself so you can meet that big client.
• Let your boss know as far in advance as you can. You may not know for sure that your son’s wrestling team will make it to state, but you know they are having a great season and it’s a good possibility. Let your boss know you may be off the week of whatever if your son makes it. Put the music concert in your calendar the second you hear about it so you can schedule your meetings around it.

Just because we’re parents doesn’t mean we can’t also be good employees. In fact I like to think of us as excellent employees because we know how to multi-task. If they need somebody to manage a project where you’re at the client site, working with IT, talking to engineering and sending out daily status reports who better to ask then a woman who can change a diaper, talk on the phone, keep her eye on a three-year-old and cook a fully organic meal all at the same time. We may leave at 4:30 every day, but we’re back on our laptops at 10pm finishing up when we need to. We can get the work done just as well as our childless counterparts. We just juggle it differently.

According to a survey by BettyConfidential.com 100% of women agree that making more money then their husband hurts their marriage. What? Seriously? Wow.

Since Lee is a stay-at-home dad, I obviously make more money than him. In fact, even when he was working I made more money than him. I think when we were first dating was the only time he probably out-earned me. I was working at Wendy’s and he was a cook/sometimes waiter at a fancy restaurant in town.

I don’t feel like me being the breadwinner puts a strain on our marriage. I think it absolutely works in our marriage. I love having Lee stay home with the kids. In fact he’s been looking for a full-time job and I’ve been trying to push him to just work part-time so he will still be here when the kids get home from school and be able to take them to all of their after school activities.

Before he was a stay-at-home dad Lee worked six days a week installing cable. Now that he’s been home more (a lot more) he has really bonded with the kids. Not that he wasn’t a good father before, but now he’s a great father. He knows what size the kids wear. He knows what their favorite meals are. He knows exactly what toys they are in to. He knows what shows they are watching on television. He knows who their friends are. He’s become much closer to the them. And them to him. It’s been awesome watching their bond grow tighter over the last five years.

Of course, we occasionally have arguments about who does what around the house. I think every couple does. I think even if he worked we’d still have some of those arguments. But in the end we just figured out who does what. When we are clear about our chores there is less arguing. Our teen boys do a lot of the cleaning. The little kids are responsible for their rooms. Lee is in charge of the “man” chores (as I call them) which includes mowing, fixing things, changing light bulbs…things like that. I’m in charge of laundry (which I have since outsourced some things — like folding — to the kids). I do the majority of the cooking while Lee takes over one or two nights a week.

Lee and I rarely fight about money either. I pay all the bills. Lee doesn’t have an allowance or anything, but he does call me to ask about large purchases such as to say, “Hey I’m low on gas. Is there money in the account to fill up?” I then either say “Yes” or “No, put it on your credit card.” [Isn't is sad that filling the van with gas is a large purchase now?]

When Lee first started his job as a stay-at-home dad he was pretty leery. Stay-at-home dads kind of have a bad wrap in our society. They need to be manly and take care of their woman. It’s something guys need to get over. It’s something women need to be more accepting off. Why can’t a guy be a stay-at-home dad? Why is it only a woman’s job?

I don’t think the wife being the breadwinner is what’s putting the strain on the marriage. It’s just bring out other issues you have that you aren’t addressing. It could be your husband’s jealousy. In that case deal with that issue. It could be chores. Set a clear plan of who does what. It could be money. Create a budget. Do whatever it takes to work on your marriage and embrace the positive things about your situation.

In this week’s episode of Working Wednesday we will be discussing a big pet peeve of mine. Yes, it has nothing to do with balancing family and work, but it has everything to do with my sanity.

In my job I work with a bunch of different groups. Sometimes, after having a pow wow with said groups, I have to be the bad guy and tell Sales we absolutely cannot support whatever ridiculous pricing they want to offer a customer. We try to be accommdating, but there are just certain things we can’t agree to.

In these discussions I often get to have a little chit chat with the Billing group to discuss what they can live with and what they absolutely do not want to support for a customer. Usually things go smoothly. But other times I want to punch the billing person in the face.

Here’s a little piece of advice. If I ask you if you can support something, the appropriate answer is either “yes” or “no.” I can even live with a “well I guess if we do this and that” or a “we really don’t want to but if it’s a dealbreaker…” I’m pretty easy. I can work through a solution with you. But when you’re dumb it pisses me off.

For example, today I asked a billing person if we could support this out-of-the-box thing. [I want to apologize right now for using the way overused term "out-of-the-box."] The conversation went like this:

Billing person: I’d have to find a customer who has made changes and see how it actually looks from an invoice and a download perspective.
Me: Ok, let me know what you find out.
Billing person: I don’t know if I can find a customer who made changes.
Me: so should I push back on this? Or do you think it’s something we could deal with for the six month trial?
Billing person: I don’t know until I look at it on the invoice and in a download.

And that’s when my head exploded in to a big bloody mess all over my cubicle. Seriously? You need to look at the invoice and download. But you can’t find a customer. And you can’t approve unless you look at the invoice and download. And I had to pull all of that out of you rather than you just telling me right from the beginning.

Do you think you could help a person out here? Can you do anything but talk in circles and completely waste valuable minutes of my life? Do I seriously have to ask you if you could possibly do some research? Shouldn’t that just be your automatic response? Instead of a 10 minute IM conversation couldn’t you have just said, “I need to check the invoice and download for a customer. I don’t know one of the top of my head, but I’ll do some research and get back to you.” Is that seriously too much to ask?