Yesterday Lee called DirecTV to sign up for what he considers the deal of a lifetime. With the purchase of the NFL Sunday Ticket we get four months of their premium package for free. For four month we will not only have every single football game being played anywhere in the U.S., but we also have every single channel known to man. It’s something like 4,967 channels.

Ok, so that might be a small exaggeration, but it is a heck of a lot of channels.

Now we have every. single. movie channel. Every single one. All of the HBOs. All of the Showtimes. All of Cinemaxes. Plus about 40 Encore channels. And Flix. And a bunch of other channels I didn’t even know existed. The last time I had most of these channels was when I lived with my mom. A really long time ago. And I think they’ve even added a few new channels since then.

Last night we were skimming through all four billion channels when BAM. No not Emeril. Skinemax. Before last night Skinemax was like an urban myth for me. I had heard about it, but wasn’t sure it was true. But then Lee flipped the channel and there were two girls, um…muff diving. And I hate to be such a prude, but my jaw dropped to the floor. And then ran away to hide. Who needs to make a trip all the way to the video store when you can just flip on Cinemax Skinemax? I think we’ll be blocking that channel from now on.

Then we moved on to Showtime to watch Big Brother After Dark. That was much more tame. A little more my speed. However, it was a little too tame. In fact after about five minutes we had to turn the channel because I was ready to stick a fork in my eye rather than watching the house guests continue to eat in complete silence any longer.

Eventually I was overwhelmed by the trillion channel choices and decided to head for bed. It was exhausting having to flip through a gazillion channels and my finger was was starting to hurt from all the button pressing. The answer the question, “Can there be too many channels?” is apparently, “yes, there can.”

Lee drove home from the waterpark yesterday. On the way home he got a phone call on his cell phone. He flipped his phone open and started yapping away.

Next thing I know he got off on the next exit. Before we left the waterpark I mentioned that I was thirsty so I thought maybe he was getting off at this particular exit because he knew there was a gas station nearby. I didn’t see a gas station. In fact all I saw was corn fields, but I thought maybe Lee knew something I didn’t know.

After a minute or so he said, “where am I going?”

“Um, I have no clue. I thought you knew.” I said.

Right before he got off on this very wrong exit there was a sign proclaiming our exit to be in 2 miles. Since Lee was distracted by the phone he saw a sign for our exit and just exited at the nearest turn.

So this, my friends, is your public service announcement for this week. Don’t talk on your cell phone while driving (especially in California where it’s illegal) because who knows where you’ll end up.

School starts a week from today. It blows me away that summer vacation is already over. It seems like it just started. But here we are.

Today we decided to have one last family “vacation” before we all have to put our thinking caps back on and listen to teachers. We piled in to the van and headed to the waterpark.

It was a great day and we had a lot of fun.

After a few hours we took a break to eat. While Caleb began to dig in to his grilled cheese sandwich he told me, “Tomorrow I’m going to get a diet. Do you know what that mean?”

I said, “no” because I wasn’t sure if “get a diet” was the same thing as “go on a diet.”

He said, “It means I’m going to start eating healthy.”

Spencer said, “I’m not getting a diet. I don’t need one.”

Caleb told him, “Um…yes. I think you do.”

Lee decided to butt in and clarify. “There are two different kinds of diets,” he told Spencer. “There is a diet to lose weight and there is a diet to eat healthy. Caleb wants to go on a healthy diet so he can grow an inch and be able to go on all the slides that require you to be 48 inches.”

Caleb is so funny. He’s determined to eat healthy and drink all his milk ever night so he will be tall enough to ride all the rides when we go to Disney this winter and so he can go down the slides next summer. He has less than an inch to go. The poor kid just wants to be able to do everything his brothers and sister do.

You see an article about Tiffany filing a lawsuit against eBay and you think it’s this Tiffany

instead of this Tiffany.

Either that or I’m not getting nearly enough jewelry.