The Bean Blog

Disney Day 2: A scaredy cat in Hollywood

Christine — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:54:52 +0000

This morning we were going to get up early to head to Disney Hollywood Studios because, unlike Magic Kingdom the night before, Hollywood Studios wasn’t open late. Instead it closed at 8pm. So we left the suite around noon. Hey, that was still earlier than the 12:30 start we had the previous day. Maybe by tomorrow we’ll get our lazy butts out of bed and on the bus by 11:30am. We’re wild and crazy like that.

Our first ride at Hollywood Studios was the Tower of Terror. And by “our” I mean Lee and the kids. I refused to ride on it. I know it goes. The freaking elevator pretends to plummet you to your death. Over and over again. And then one more time for good measure. I’m perfectly happy on the ground thank you very much. I did the Tower of Terror when we were here 10 years ago. I even have a t-shirt that says, “I survived the Tower of Terror.” I’m good.

I was starting to feel a little guilty for being such a chicken shit ~~when all my Facebook friends started calling me a wimp~~ when my 6-year-old got off the ride and exclaimed, “that was so awesome.” And then the whole family (except me) rode on it again. Seriously?!? I’m too much of a pussy to ride an attraction that my 6-year-old thinks is awesome? Maybe I should just stick to It’s a Small World and call it a day.

However I redeemed myself later in the day by attempting Aerosmith’s Rock ‘N Roller Coaster. And I loved it.

You have to be 48 inches to ride the Aerosmith coaster and we didn’t think Caleb was that tall. He wasn’t that tall this summer because they wouldn’t let him go down the big water slide at the city pool (even though he passed the deep end test) because he wasn’t tall enough. We’ve been telling him to drink his milk so he’d be tall enough to ride all the rides at Disney world. But we didn’t really think that would work. Apparently we were wrong.

We bought fast passes for the ride so me and Lee plus all the kids (minus Caleb) were already boarding the ride when my mom called. Caleb didn’t understand why he couldn’t ride the coaster so mom was trying to explain to him that he wasn’t tall enough. She told him to stand against the measuring stick so he would understand. Only he was tall enough and passed the line on the stick by about half an inch. Oops. The fast pass ticket girl took pity on him and gave him a fast pass that allowed him to take two more people with him. He wanted me and dad to go with him. So I rode the roller coaster twice. And loved it both times.

We also loved the new Toy Story attraction. At 3pm we went to buy fast passes, but they were all sold out…for the day. Apparently everybody likes the Toy Story attraction. The wait at that time was 90 minutes so we decided to come back later. At 7pm we came back figuring everybody would be at the Fastasmic! show. The line was shorter. Instead of 90 minutes it said 45 minutes. But it lied. It was closer to an hour. But it was almost worth the rate. It was a lot of fun. Even the teens liked it.

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Disney Day 1: Magic Kingdom…and Wal-Mart

Christine — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:14:50 +0000

Yesterday began with the kids in the heated pool. It is good that it is heated because it’s not exactly warm here. There’s no snow on the ground like back home, but it’s unseasonably cold for Florida. In the 50’s and 60’s. Ick. I wanted to wear shorts and tank tops. But noooo…Mother Nature had other plans. Not that I’m complaining. It’s still nicer weather than Iowa.

After the pool everybody took a shower or a bath. Caleb ended up in the jacuzzi tub. As soon as I was done washing his hair and body I turned on the jets. He LOVED it. I left him alone to enjoy the bubbles and I few minutes later we heard singing. I’m in the hot tub. I’m in the hot tub. I’m naked in the hot tub.

We decided to hit Magic Kingdom yesterday since it was open to those of us staying on property until 11pm. The first thing I did was seek out a shop on Main Street for a sweatshirt. Brrr…. By the end of the night we ended up getting everybody a sweatshirt (at $50 a pop). And stocking caps (at $10 a pop). [The place where dreams come true charges you a heck of a lot for those dreams.]

Last time we were here, when Keaton and Justis were just 4 and 6, their favorite attraction was the Buzz Lightyear ride. We must have gone through that ride shooting up aliens and whatnot at least 45 times back then. This year the kids liked it too (but we refrained from venturing through it 4,000 times.

The favorite rides were the mountain rides; Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Thunder Mountain. We rode on Space Mountain twice (thank goodness for the Fast Pass option), the kids and Lee rode on Splash Mountain twice (I refused to go on because, hello, it’s in the 50’s and you get wet on that ride) and we took a spin on Thunder Mountain once.

We spent much of the day standing in line….for the Disney characters. There was virtually no line for the rides, but the characters all had lines a mile long. You just can’t fully understand the importance of standing in line for over an hour to get the signature of some grown up dressed up like a cartoon character unless you have kids. Getting Cinderella’s signature along with your picture taken with her is what Disney means by “making your dreams come true.” Of course, by the time you get up to said princess, the parent’s back hurts so bad from standing in line for a million years and your thinking about calling 9-1-1, but your kid is happy and that’s all that matters. (Motrin should totally make a commercial about that. As long as they don’t say I do it to be a cool mom.)

We ended our Magic Kingdom adventure at a little snack shop where the boys all got turkey legs. Big, HUGE turkey legs that they gnawed on. They looked like cavemen. And they started talking like one too. Me like turkey leg. I thought the turkey legs smelled disgusting, but the boys said they were awesome.

We didn’t get back to our room until after midnight. We quickly got the kids ready for bed and then off to slumber land (not to be confused with the furniture store). When they were sawing logs Lee and I headed to Wal-Mart. ‘Cause even when you are in the happiest place on Earth you sometimes need to venture to the crappiest place on Earth. I have necessities. And OJ is one of those.

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The road to Disney

Christine — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 04:35:52 +0000

Right now I’m sitting in front of my laptop waiting for the washing machine to finish so I can put the next load in. Sounds like a pretty typical Sunday for me. Except this Sunday I’m in Florida. In a hotel at the Disney World resort. Where it is raining, but still better than the 2 feet of snow they are getting back home. Not that I’m bragging or anything (but I totally am).

It has been almost exactly 10 years since our last visit to Disney. Last time we came right after Lee and I renewed our vows on our first wedding anniversary. Back then we just had Keaton and Justis. It seemed a lot simpler then.

That time we flew to Florida. This time we decided to drive. We figured it would be cheaper than flying 8 people (it’s 8 ’cause my mom is with us). And since gas prices have gone down significantly it is cheaper. But we completely forgot to consider the sanity factor. When you are traveling with 5 kids, your husband and your mother flying is priceless. It will be a cold day in hell before I ever take a road trip this long with the entire family ever again. I don’t care how much it costs, flying is the only way to go from this day forward. I’m seriously thinking about selling my minivan here in Florida, flying us all home and just buying a new van when we get there. The loss we would take on the van outweighs the jail time I would have to serve for killing my family. I’m just sayin’.

We left at 9am on Friday morning. We drove through southern Iowa, into Missouri, then Illinois, Tennessee and stopped at 2am Saturday morning somewhere outside of Atlanta, Georgia. I don’t know exactly where we were, but somewhere in Georgia is the best Holiday Inn I have ever staying in. The beds were pillowtops. The covers were luxiurious. The hotel was impeccably clean. I was in heaven. I just wanted to stay there for the rest of the trip. But the kids all wanted to continue on to Disney, so we hit the road again.

A few hours later we stumbled upon a Pizza Hut that made me rethink my new found love for Georgia. Georgia apparently has awesome hotels, but their Pizza Hut sucks. The waitress were rude. The bathroom was almost worse than a gas station bathroom. I gave some serious thought to running next door to the Shell station to use their bathroom instead of planting my butt cheeks* down on that disgusting toilet seat at Pizza Hut. Plus, instead of napkins, they had a roll of paper towels. Really! WTF?!? So we ate quickly and got the hell out of there.

We ended day 2 of the trip ~~from hell~~ to the happiest place on Earth in New Smryna Beach (which my mom still calls Smirnoff Beach…and oh do I wish there really was some Smirnoff there). Our plan was to stay the night there and hit the beach in the morning. Being from Iowa, Skyler, Spencer and Caleb have never seen the ocean before. We have beaches in Iowa, but they surround man-made lakes. Not quite the same thing.

However, when we got in to the hotel room Saturday night and flipped on the television, we heard there was going to be “severe thunderstorms” in Florida the next day. That sucked big hairy donkey balls. But this morning we woke up to cloudy skies, but no rain…yet. We threw on our suits and headed down to the beach. Caleb loved it. At first. Then he got a big gulp of salt water and started begging to just go to the pool. Skyler says she got salt water in her mouth 5 times and “it didn’t taste very good. So she headed over to the pool for a while too. But Spencer stayed in the ocean the whole time. He leapt in to big waves and tried to swim. He and Justis dug a big whole and Spencer sat in it as the water rushed passed him. We had a great time.

After a couple hours it started to sprinkle. We took that as our sign to go back in, shower, and get on the road for Disney.

We made it to Disney around 4:30, checked in to the hotel, and got unpacked. We have a very nice suite with a couple of bedrooms, a kitchen, laundry in the room, and a jacuzzi tub. You better believe we’ll be checking that baby out.

And now, after three days on the road with 8 people, I’m going to go find me some of that Smirnoff.

*As I was writing this I had to ask Lee, “Is butt cheeks two words?” He looked at me like I was crazy and then he said, “Well they are divided.” Oh this trip is bringing silly back.

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Saying good-bye to NaBloPoMo

Christine — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 18:30:52 +0000

I did it! Again. That’s three years in a row I blogged every. single. day in November. There ought to be some consolation prize for completing it three years in a row. Maybe a cheap, plastic spider ring or something.

Oddly, I didn’t find it that difficult this year. I’m not going to lie and stay every post was stellar, but I didn’t have much trouble coming up with something to say. [Those who know me IRL are like, "DUH! You are never at a loss for words."]

So, if you participated, did you make it this year? Was it a struggle? Or is this blogging every day thing a piece of cake?

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Alert the media, there’s a boy in blue nail polish

Christine — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 16:40:42 +0000

I am not a football fan by any sense of the word. I tolerate the noise of football in the background while I’m doing homework on Sundays, but that’s about as far as I go. But I have heard of Brian Urlacher. However, until I read an article on him recently, I couldn’t even tell you who he played for (which is apparently the Bears).

But then I came across an article about his custody case. Screw football. I’m all about he gossip.

Apparently his the mother of his 3-year-old child is threatening to deny Urlacher his visitation with his son because he put the kid in pink Cinderella pull-ups and painted the kid’s toenails blue. Seriously?!? How is a judge even willing to hear this case? How is her lawyer able to show her face in court with this as a defense?

First, it’s not harming the child to wear pink pull-ups even though he’s a boy. Maybe Urlacher accidentaly picked up the wrong kind when he ran out to the store. Or maybe they were visiting a friend and realizing he had run out of pull-ups borrowed one from the friend who has a girl. Wearing a pink pull-up is not going to turn the kid gay or make him a sissy or whatever the hell this crazy Tyna woman thinks. She says it confuses the boy. The boy is 3-years-old. You know what’s confusing him? His mother making a big deal out of something that covers his butt and catches his poop.

Second, the nail polish was blue. The article claims it was Bears-blue. What’s wrong with that? It sounds like team spirit to me. Many male rockstars paint their nails (although it’s usually black). It doesn’t make them any less of a man. I’ve painted my boys’ nails before. When they are toddlers and they see you painting your nails they want to do it too. The article made mention of Urlacher’s girlfriend. Maybe she was painting her nails and the child wanted to copy her. Who knows. But it certainly isn’t a reason to keep a child from his father.

Third, is it in the child’s best interest to have his business all over the national news? Who’s hurting the child more? The parent who put him in a pink pull-up that’s covered by clothes because that’s all he had at the time and painted his nails for fun? Or the parent who spouts her bullshit to the press?

Finally, it disturbs me that so many people make such a big deal about these gender stereotypes. A child of this age does not yet understand these stereotypes so why not just let him explore whatever he wants to explore. As long as he’s not playing with knives, he’s fine. Stop taking their innocence away and just let the child be.

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Overheard last night at Thanksgiving dinner

Christine — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:35:03 +0000

Spencer was eating ham and he claimed he didn’t like it.

Skyler: It’s the same thing that’s in hamburger.

Spencer: No it’s not.

Skyler: Yes it is.

Spencer: No it’s not.

Caleb: SPENCER! HAM…burger. Yes it is.

Skyler: Mom, is ham in hamburger?

Me: No, ham comes from a pig. Hamburger comes from a cow.

Spencer: See. A hamburger has burger in it.

Me: I think the word you’re looking for is beef.

Spencer: Yeah, whatever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that night…

Caleb was sliding down the stairs on his back.

Spencer: Caleb thinks he’s drunk. Caleb, you aren’t drunk.

Caleb: Yes I am.

Spencer: No you aren’t. You haven’t drinken any alcohol. Or beer.

Caleb: Yes I have.

Spencer: Root Beer doesn’t count.

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Love Thursday: Kids

Christine — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 06:02:13 +0000

Being that this Love Thursday falls on Thanksgiving, I think it’s only fitting that I show something that I both love and am thankful for. And that is my kids.

I took this photo last weekend. It is for an assignment in my Photo I class. Caleb and Skyler will willing to help me out by running down the railroad tracks. Although they were scared at first because we’ve told them a million times not to play on railroad tracks and then here I am encouraging them to do just that. Talk about mixed signals.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends!

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A dinosaur laid an egg on his face

Christine — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 02:08:17 +0000

On my way in the office Monday my cell phone started to buzz. It was hooked to my hip so I tried to maneuver my way too it, pushing the seat belt aside, pulling up my jacket, yanking it off my pocket…all while driving 60 mph down the interstate. (I bet all of these driving stories make you happy you don’t live in my hometown…and probably scare the hell out of Wendy.) And after all that I missed the call anyway. But I recognized the number. It was the kids’ school.

I hate it when the school calls me. It’s never good news. It’s usually somebody with a syrupy sweet voice saying, “Hi Christine. So and so vomited all over their 1st grade class” or “So and so didn’t quite make it to the bathroom quick enough and had a little accident. Can you bring dry clothes.” They never call just to see how I’m doing. There’s never any love.

So I checked my voicemail. “Hi Christine. This is Cindy from [the schoo]. We have Caleb in the office. He had a little accident on the playground. He was playing soccer with some friends and bonked heads with another little boy. He’s doing ok, but he’s got a big goose egg on his head. Can you give us a call back?”

My thought was oh great, now my kid has a concussion and we will be spending the day in the emergency room…right before vacation. But he was fine. By the time I got in to the office and called them back they had already sent him back to his classroom.

I checked him out when I got home that night. He had a HUGE bump on his forehead, right over his eyebrow. Huge. It wasn’t a goose egg. It was like a dinosaur egg. But it didn’t seem to bother him.

Two days later it looks like this.

It’s barely black and blue. Well, at least it looks like that when his eyes are open. It looks much worse when his eyes are closed.

Ouch! But he’s doing ok. So that’s all that matters.

I asked him if he at least won the soccer game. He said, “I don’t know.” I guess he had other things on his mind.

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Tuesday Tantrum: Television

Christine — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 02:27:46 +0000

Biggest Loser: Last week it was like white versus black. Good versus evil. It was Coleen versus Vicky. And evil won. I had such high hopes. The week before Amy did the right thing and voted out Brady. Not only was it smart for her to vote out a guy who can put up numbers and threatens her “biggest loser” title each week. But it was smart for her to break of the force of Brady, Vicky, Heba and Ed. If it came down to it Amy would have to continue to be above the yellow line, because she’s the fifth wheel in that alliance. Which she is the first one to be voted out. Has she never watched Survivor?

But this week she let Vicky’s abuse and classless school girl taunting get to her and she succumbed to the peer pressure. Vicky’s like the bully on the playground stealing everybody’s lunch money and Amy decided she didn’t want the bully to be mad at her. I’m so disappointed in Amy.

Vicky makes me almost want to stop watching the show. Yes, Biggest Loser is a reality show with a cash prize at the end. But it’s never been about backstabbing (well rarely ever). The main goal has always been about getting healthy, learning how to stay healthy, and feeling good about yourself. But Vicky has completely tainted that. She brings back nightmares of the evil “friendship” alliance [worshipers of Cappy] on Big Brother. And I HATED that season of Big Brother.

Grey’s Anatomy: Shonda, What the hell?!? You’ve come out and said Izzy does not have a brain tumor. And we need to wait and see where you’re going with Izzy and Denny. Well you need to get there quickly because I’m ready to remove Grey’s from my TiVo Season Pass list.

First, this season sucks. And second…well there is no second. Does there need to be a second when #1 is the season sucks? I think not.

How in the hell does anybody still have a job at this hospital? First Izzy cuts Denny LVAT wire (or whatever the heck it’s called) and steals a heart from another man. But we forgave her and moved on. But then the residents completely ignore their interns. They don’t teach them a damn things even though it’s, you know, a teaching hospital. Then the interns go and perform surgery on their perfectly healthy co-workers to get more experience. Seriously?!?

And then there’s the Izzy and Denny story. I hated the original Izzy and Denny story. At least in the beginning. I like Izzy and Alex together. I think Izzy has always brought the best out of Alex. But they went and screwed up that relationship by having Izzy fall in love with a patient. I thought that was so irresponsible of a doctor and completely unbelievable [but if I had known that later interns would be cutting open other interns I may have found this storyline a little more believable.] And frankly, it pissed me off.

But by the end I warmed up the story line. Especially when Denny died. No I’m not morbid. I just thought there was some serious good acting during the grief period. With Izzy laying on the bathroom in her prom dress and then baking cupcakes 24/7. And one of my all time favorite scenes on Grey’s was when Alex lifted Izzy off of Denny’s bed (and his dead body) and rocked her in the chair. I fell in love with Alex right then.

And now Izzy and Alex are back together and Denny is back to screw up their relationship. DEAD Denny is back. Izzy is having sex with a DEAD guy. Seriously?!? I cannot stand it when great shows try to pull this “bring somebody back from the dead” bullshit. This is not As the World Turns. This is Grey’s Anatomy. Can we please put on big girl panties and write a show that women (and men) can actually relate to? ‘Cause I can’t think of a single time I’ve ever had sex with a dead man. Nor do I want to.

Survivor: I’m not a Survivor fanatic like some. In fact I’ve only watched the last couple of seasons. I never followed the first several seasons. It just never really got my attention. But now I’m a fan and I’ve added it to my TiVo Season Pass. On a trial basis.

And this season is really ticking me off. Normally I’m all about rooting for the underdog. I love to see the weak come out strong. I love to see the hated work their ass off to stay. But this season? Not so much.

I cannot stand Kenny. Or Crystal. CAN. NOT. STAND. THEM. And it’s really irritating that they keep convincing all of these other losers to vote with them. Eventually we’ll have Kenny, Crystal, Susie, and Sugar left and challenges will take all day because none of them are strong enough to do a damn thing. [It was just a complete fluke that Susie and Sugar were the only ones who could make fire in the previous challenge.] Challenges will turn in to “whoever can swim 10 feet without drowning wins immunity.” Please. Give me a break.

Amazing Race: I really have no gripes about Amazing Race. Why? Because I never get to watch the show. CBS insists on ALWAYS running late with the damn football game. And they refuse to put the show on their website. Why CBS? Are you trying to get the show cancelled? Do you not want people to watch? Because I’m about to stop putting forth the effort since you can’t even meet me half way. I can’t record the show after Amazing Race because I record Desperate Housewives. Sure I could not record Desperate Housewives since ABC PUTS THEIR POPULAR SHOWS ON THEIR WEBSITE, but why should I? Desperate Housewives is on time every week. Why should I punish them for your stupidity, CBS? Get your shit together CBS!

Desperate Housewives: What the heck is up with Lynette’s hair? It’s been 5 years since chemo. Surely her hair has grown back by now. So why is she still wearing that wig? That is a wig right? And not really Felicity Huffman’s hair. ‘Cause if it’s her real hair she needs to fire her stylist yesterday.

What TV shows are pissing in your Cheerios?

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How to completely beat your employees down until they would rather stick hot pokers in their eyes than get up for work

Christine — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 03:53:12 +0000

IM them and tell them to call you.
When they ask for your number refuse to give it to them and tell them “you should know that by now.”
If they don’t answer your message, IM their co-workers to see where they’re at. God forbid they need to visit the restroom.
Don’t try to fix errors. Instead point fingers and berate anybody who made an innocent mistake.
When they come to you with a question, don’t only NOT answer the question, but completely take over the project.
And then when you’ve taken over the whole project, complain to said employee about how damn busy you are.
Send them call information mere minutes before the call and then berate them when they don’t attend the call.
When they tell you they will be out for an hour for an appointment don’t get all up in their business. “Are you feeling ok?” “What kind of appointment?”
Tell them everything last detail about your personal life. Unless we are friends who share beers during happy hour on Fridays I do not give two squats of shit what your daughter’s boyfriend does for a living or that her unmarried friend is pregnant.
Keep them on a short leash and give them no authority to make any big decisions.
And then when they come to you because they can’t make the big decision, again tell them how busy you are.
Lie to them. I so love it when my teenagers lie to me. Why not my boss to.
When they write you a two page email outlining all of their accomplishments for the last couple of years and ask for a raise since you did promise “a lot of room for growth” when you offered them the job with no pay increase tell them, “all good things come to those who wait.” ‘Cause when you haven’t had a significant pay increase in more than three years what you really want to hear is “all good things come to those who wait.”
Make sure you always have the last word. Even when your wrong. Actually, especially when you’re wrong.

Man, I can’t wait for vacation.

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